Feeling beaten

[Rubyrose]

Hi im a newbie to this site, I have battled depression among other issues for some years. I have been very well but in the last month or so have been on a downhill slide. I am a single mum of 3 beautiful girls but find I am very limited to being able to work atm, this has left me lonely, isolated and feeling unmotivated and just want to sleep and do nothing, as I have just moved to another area and cannot really get out I am finding strategies of meeting new ppl yet alone friends very difficult. If anyone has any suggestions or wants to be friends it would be greatly appreciated. I just want to get the spring back in my step to be the best person I can be but I'm not doing that very well 

[White_Rose]

Dear Rubyrose

Good to hear from you again. It's nice to be in your own home and able to do what you like. I know the lost feeling. I have been there a lot just lately and it's not nice at all. Glad you have been feeling a little better.

The thing about being unmotivated is that it is a self-fulfilling prophesy. The "I don't want, can't bring myself to do, no energy" etc just reinforces the same thoughts. I know, I've been there. Sorry to keep saying this but I want you to know that what I am saying is not theory but comes from my experiences.

I have also found that I need to start something to become motivated to do it. I know that sounds a bit backward, but it's true. Sweeping one floor leads you to the next. And even if this does not happen the first, you can stop after one floor knowing you have achieved something.

Of course this does not apply to floors only. Try going to your local library to find out what is happening in your area and pick one activity. At my local library there is a group of women who meet to knit for premmie babies, children living with disadvantaged family. There is a book club that meets monthly and various other activities. If you have similar groups meeting, either in the library or elsewhere, try joining one.

I find people are helpful to new members and readily include them in the activity. There is no need to talk a lot. When I joined my meditation group , apart saying hello when I arrived, I never joined in the conversation for over a year. One day I surprised myself and everyone else by offering an opinion. One of the people commented that it was the first time I had spoken and congratulated me. That was the start of several lovely friendships. And I was severely depressed at the time.

I am no more wonderful than anyone else, and neither am I less worthwhile. I am me, warts and all. As people get to know me and as I get to know them we find common ground, or as is often the case, very different points of view on various topics. It doesn't matter.

What does matter is that you need to get out of the house and into the company of others. You will realise that you are not boring, that others will value you for yourself. I understand this is hard to accept at the moment. So don't accept it. But also don't accept that you are worthless. Adopt a wait and see attitude.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Mary

[Rubyrose]

Hi Neil. I'm glad to say that today has been an improvement. I started with a shower, I know a small thing but a big effort at times. I then chose one section of my house and started scrubbing. Still lots to do but at least it's a positive day. Tx again

[Rubyrose]

Hi Mary. Today, he'll or high water I was going to do something, I sectioned my house into 3 and started scrubbing, after a shower, I got kitchen dining and 1 lounge looking great so am very pleased. I just know the only way to pull myself out of it is to do what annoys me most. In a couple of weeks I may join a palaties group or something in a group. I don't think just a gym will get to know ppl like I need. And funny about knitting group. There's a stitch and bitch group, not sure if I will slot into their age group but will keep an eye on that. So tomorrow is my bedroom, it will be lovely to have that done so had a positive day. Tx for ur messages all, this is a great site 

[White_Rose]

Hello Rubyrose

Wow! Three rooms. Do you want to come and clean my place afterwards? I hate housework and only do it when I must. I would rather employ someone to do it but it must be done and I do feel rather smug when the job is finished. Congratulations on your fantastic start.

The stitch and bitch group sounds interesting. I would go just to find out what they talk about, but then I am rather nosey. When I was working a few women used to get together for a P&B, pig and bitch. Pilates is a great activity. I started to go to a group but I am overweight and found it difficult to lie on the floor. Even more so to get up again. However, I have found a group where the instructor gives individual exercises to everyone according to their needs. No lying on the floor.

Your post sounds so positive and determined. I am proud of you. Keep your activities within your energy range so that you do not fall into tiredness again.

I look forward to the next instalment.

Mary

[Rubyrose]

Hi Mary. Unfortunately that was only one day. Now I am terrible, terrible, terrible. I had a visitor today, I couldn't even answer the door today. I get so panicky, I also went to the dr, I asked for s psychologist but he just upped my antidepressants as well. I just cannot see how I'm going to get thru all this. It's all just to hard. I just want to sleep, sleep and sleep more but feel awful when I wake up. So that's not helping me that's for sure. Tx 

[White_Rose]

Dear Rubyrose

Unfortunately depression is like that.  As John Denver used to sing, "Some days are diamonds, some days are stone."  I wonder if you simply over exerted yourself. That kind of energy is hard to put back without a couple of days rest. So wait until you feel good and try again.

Did your doctor refer you to a psychologist? I'm not quite certain of the outcome of your consultation. How are you travelling with your ADs? No side effects or anything disagreeable? Do you think there is an improvement in your mood? And the last question. Are you happy with your doctor?  If not then go elsewhere. Beyond Blue has  a list of doctors and I explained how to access this list in my first post to you. See above.

I am feeling a bit down today as well.  It's pouring with rain in Brisbane, cold and getting dark even though it is only 3:30 pm. Weather warning for high winds and storms. I like the rain usually but not as much as are getting now.  Still it matches my mood.

I know how hard it is. The temptation is to give up, just exist, sleep the days away. Well it's OK to have a rest day. Recharge the batteries and start again. The important thing is to keep starting again. Just like the broken record routine. Keep on keeping on.

Plan small activities during the day.  Don't give yourself a huge task list, just some small objectives. It's good to make a list and cross them off. I find that very satisfying. The trick is not to look too far ahead. No further than the end of the day. Often you can only see the next couple of hours. But that's OK. When you get there you can look at the next couple of hours. And each time you can pat yourself on the back and rejoice you have made another few steps.

I look forward to your next post.

 Mary