Feeling bad about feeling bad?

[sparrowhawk]

Hi guys. I have had a low mood for several months following sustained emotional trauma. i and am getting support from my GP, psychologist and a good friend.

I have a lot of negative self-talk and generally feel very lethargic and flat. People around me sometimes notice and that tends to make me feel really guilty. I feel really bad about myself for feeling bad, though in reality I know it's not through my own fault, it just IS. Yesterday I apologised to my friend for being down and she challenged me on it - I know she was trying to help but it made me feel awkward and worse about myself.

Do you guys go through similar feelings? How do you manage them?

[Cleo1]

Dear Sparrowhawk,

Firstly I just want to say hi and let you know that there's someone out there reading your post.

I'm sorry that you've been feeling this way. Feeling 'down' sucks, but it won't last forever. Please know that the way you are feeling is temporary and you can and will get better.

Depression is an illness, just like the flu or gastro. Instead of a fever or vomiting, your depression presents in the form of low mood and energy. I'm sure you would never expect someone with the flu to apologise for being sick, so please never feel guilty or apologetic about how you're feeling at the moment.

I'm really glad that you have the support of your GP, your psychologist and your friend. Have any of them ever talked to you about meditation or mindfulness? I have found practising meditation to be really helpful for my low moods. Try to visualise your thoughts as clouds floating through the sky. Doing this helps me to distance myself from my thoughts and observe them without any attached emotions. Your thoughts are simply 'there' - not part of you, and not something about which you should feel good or bad.

There are lots of apps you can download to use for meditation/mindfulness. Smiling Mind is a good one, and I know Headspace has one as well. Otherwise (and only if it is financially viable for you) you might like to look into meditation or yoga classes running in your area.

Wishing you all the best on your road to recovery!

Sending kind thoughts,

Cleo1

[sparrowhawk]

Hi Cleo, thank you so much!

I am trying to hold on to the reality that things will get better, that I am doing what I can to get better, and that I have lots of support around me. Guilt is a strong part of my depression.

On reflection, I think the feelings of guilt and shame when I express myself come from my experience with the person who hurt me. They would often make me feel, through their words and body language, that I was taking up their time. Sometimes when I would be vulnerable and honest I would be belittled.

My GP has given me some tricks for mindfulness. I find them really helpful. I will try your suggestion about the clouds and apps, too! Thank you so much.