Feel myself slipping again

[MissJ94]

Ive been in my currently job for 6 months and have been loving it up until last Tuesday.. when i started this job, in the first week i was told that the position was to be regraded and that we all needed to reapply and do another interview. No one was happy but we got through it and all of us except 1 were successful! Good times! Then we were told by our bosses bosses boss that a person on the interview panel wasnt supposed to be on it and we all needed to do another interview. Again, no one was happy. We did the interview again(11th July). Last Tuesday i found out that im one of the unlucky ones who werent successful.. Ive been told i can reapply when they advertise again or i can apply for another role as an AO2..

Im just so upset and angry with all of this! If they knew the regrade was going to happen when i was hired why didnt they just interview me then as an AO3 and not an AO2? Ive literally had 3 interviews for this job that i already have in the last 6 months. And will need to do another one still!!

When i found out i couldnt stop crying and even now im highly emotional about it but no tears are coming! 

I had grown to love this job and really freaking enjoy it after a very toxic environment when i was a registered nurse.. I really dont want to leave this job😓

And it all comes 2 weeks after the one year anniversary of me resigning from my previous nursing job and just before i need to see a neurologist for suspected MS..

After hearing the news on Tuesday last week i told my manager id need a mental health day on the Wednesday, that was all good. But now ive been sick woth tonsillitis since then and havent been well enough to return to work yet(forever how long im going to be there anyway!!). Whilst i want to go back to work desperately because i love the job, i almost just dont want to go because i feel so defeated.. how many hoops do i need to jump through to know i have a secure job? Its been absolutely draining.

The feedback was pretty much that i didnt interview well, of course i didnt because i was given 2 days notice when with the anxiety i get, i need closer to a weeks notice for that stuff! They pointed out that the July billing(reason for the regrade) audit that was done was almost perfect and thats a reflection of pretty much just my work as my colleague was off sick for 3 weeks in July and it was literally just me.

[james1]

Hey MissJ94,

That sounds so unfair. I'm really upset for you because it sounds like you've just had the rug completely pulled from under your feet. It sounds so disappointing, especially when you'd come to really love the job. And the issues with your health just seem to have compounded everything. I'm not surprised you feel so drained. It sounds like an absolutely horrible ordeal.

Do you think you'll still want the job now, or would you rather just try and find another job? It sounds like you've actually done really well here and I really hope you can find a place, even if it is here, where your effort and work is valued.

James

[therising]

Hi MissJ94

First, just want to say cheers to you, as one of the beautiful passionate caregivers in this world.

Glad you're questioning management more than you're questioning yourself. As management verges on what sounds like some level of insanity that really is questionable, I suppose the ultimate question comes down to 'How am I going to manage management?'. As James touches on, do you want to stay there managing such people and their triggering ways or do you feel this could be pushing you in a different direction?

Sounds like they may have removed the best judge of character from the panel and then went onto accept employees who told them exactly what they wanted to hear. In my experience, the best judge is a sensitive judge, one who can sense a person's nature, their work ethic, their potential, sense a level of stress and exhaustion that's not so obvious to others and etc. They'd be someone who sees beyond a basic interview. Perhaps they'd even be someone who mentions in the interview 'You seem a little exhausted', giving you the freedom to say 'I've managed working on my own for 3 weeks'. Conclusion 'This is someone who manages exceptionally well under pressure. We need someone like this'.

As a sensitive gal who works in the kitchen in an aged care facility, I can sense how hard management's trying during such trying times (with covid) but I can also sense their infuriating ways, which has turned me into ranting maniacs at times. When management mismanage or are managing in highly questionable ways, it's definitely triggering. I can feel what they're doing to my nervous system and possibly my immune system. It can be angering, stressful, potentially depressing and more. Basically it's all dis-ease/a level of unease we can feel. At the end of the day, we all deserve to work under people who don't lead us to dis-ease.

Before you see the neurologist, I'll throw a name out to you - George Jelinek. While I remain hoping you don't receive an MS prognosis, if you do he's the guy to look into. Many regard him as a miracle worker.

Hoping your tonsils clear up asap 🙂