Hi, welcome
Very sad that things have come to this. People that are leaders or ultimate carers in nature often end up with people around them that havent developed the same as there hasnt been a need for them to.
Your son at 40yo still living at home even at 40yo just plugs away working , smoking and no motivation - why? because he can. Not placing blame on you as internal motivation isnt an outsiders responsibility but really, at 40yo there is no reason to remain home. If he moved out it would at least release you of some burden, give you more quietness in the home and you'd be giving your son some hard love.
Your daughter IMO needs someone added to the "go to" list when there is a problem. Rather than ringing you all the time. Also, you might have to exercise some change of mentality... "charity begins at home" is what I'm saying. If she rings and you arent 100% well then dont answer. Tell her to text you if you dont answer. then you can gauge if it is important enough to respond and then you respond only when you can cope.
This situation is more to do with your decisions than your situation I'm afraid, but dont blame yourself as I said earlier. Managing your time is most important.
Free social time is also what you deserve. A night out alone or with friends can work wonders especially if made once a week so you look forward to it. If your daughter rings you during such time then have the phone OFF!. If its an emergency she can go to a hospital...
Finally, tackling worry, worry is a serious problem and needs a serious remedy of a change of attitude towards it. Worry produces ulcers and nothing more. I have below a article written just on this topic I did years ago. Please click on the link and read just the first post.
Dont be afraid to continue to update us as the need arises.
TonyWK
