Erratic moods and compulsive thoughts

[QueenOfSpades]

Hey guys.

Does anyone else experience major mood swings, like sometimes so aggressive they have to be acted out in forms of breaking things and screaming, or completely breaking apart and crying uncontrollably, and then sometimes the thoughts and feelings alone are so overwhelming you just sit there and completely shut down staring blankly almost like you're stuck in a trance and all you can think and feel are these major emotions (negative ones) taking over your whole body and make you wonder why you exist and how you even do?

I have suffered with depression and anxiety for what has been diagnosed, 7 years, though it surely backtracks further. I am medicated and see my doctor regularly though I can't stand counselling or talking therapies. I feel like I can't even explain it unless I'm writing it down, otherwise it's just mumbled words or sentences that don't make sense even to myself when they are spoken.

and then some days are completely fine and you feel genuinely happy and confident in yourself who you are and what you have gone through along with what you want to achieve in life and work productively to do that until the next day when you may explode in a rage or fall in a crying heap just because you woke up in the morning or something completely tiny went not as planned

I'm not sure what steps to take anymore, I just try to remain strong and I try to hold on to that happy carefree person I feel slip away at any given moment. It feels out of body, like I can see my own exists me and every behaviour from some upward point of view like it isn't even really me. Have my issues developed into something more? It's only been the last year or so that I have noticed these things and they increase and decrease dramatically and interfere with my life in almost every way possible. Work. Family. Relationship. Friendships. Everything seems to be affected. Someone please tell me they know what I'm talking about

[blondguy]

Hey QueenofSpades

Great post and good on you for having the guts to write it too!

I used to be really aggressive and have the bad mood swings until a mental health worker (psychiatric nurse) poked around and asked me some questions and had me cornered big time......then I cried my eyes out...and all the built up anger and negative crap that I was holding onto for a long time

You fit in here like family Queen, I only joined in January this year after the depression bit me really hard. You are not on your own here.

Can I ask you why you cant stand counselling or talking to a therapist? (If thats okay)

I am not pro meds but have taken an AD every day for 20 years.....and an anti anxiety med before sleep too.

The happy and carefree person is still there Queen, you just need to trust (even a little) a good counsellor enough to have a mega cry.....(thats the reason they have tissues on the coffee table 🙂 It is an awkward uncomfortable feeling to let our guard down and cry.....It was awful actually.....but 24 hours later I had a good part of the happy and carefree person I used to be.

All I can really suggest is what worked for my mood swings and aggro.........super regular counselling.....even weekly for 3 or 6 months....You will uncover that happy and carefree person that is still there.....she just has to 'let go' and do some serious venting....its the best cleanser 🙂

I hope some of this made some sense QueenOfSpades

It would be great if you could stick around

my kind thoughts

Paul

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey QueenOfSpades,

Dealing with aggression without being able to talk about it can sometimes be a viscous cycle. Something triggers you (maybe a work issue) - you respond by getting angry or shutting down - eventually things subside - feeling happy - something triggers you.

The hard thing is that this is a cycle and the only way that it will stop is if you can come in and intervene at a point in the cycle; maybe this might be identifying the trigger, or by responding in a different way, or by doing some therapy so that it becomes easier to handle.

You said that you don't like talking therapies because you can't explain it and it's easier to write it down; have you considered doing this as a therapy? There are a few psychologists that do email counselling which can be incredibly helpful; where as others often do accept that talking is hard and will just sit with you for a while or read what you've written instead. Honestly I think that the right therapist can just accept you, work on building a relationship so that it's easier to talk, and give you the space or time you need to get the words out.

If writing appeals to you, maybe journalling might be helpful too? I've used this many times to try and organise my thoughts and make sense of the situation. When you feel angry, is it only breaking and screaming that makes you feel better? Is there other things you can do that can provide that sense of relief? When you're shutting down - how long does that last and what does it feel like? What is it that 'triggered' this response? Getting a better understanding of yourself when you're in these moments can also help you explain this to someone else.

Some people even find it helpful to bring someone with them to their GP or therapist for moral support. This might be worth thinking about if there's someone that you can trust. Whatever you decide to do, having someone that you trust and a support team is so important.