Eerie calmness

Notreallyhere · ‎09-01-2017

Depression for me is an eerie silence in my soul, everything is uneasy in my body. I don't feel any other emotion other than sadness, but mostly it's just a numbness, that infects every aspect of my life, I am losing hope that I can get through this on my own, I have been trying for years! Although I am taking antidepressants nothing is getting any easier it's actually getting so much worse. I literally have no desire for anything. Can I be helped?

white knight · ‎09-01-2017

Yes you can. I'm living proof.

But it needs a multi facetted approach. Some you'll know.

Proper diagnosis. I was misdiagnosed. 7 years of the wrong meds. Best thing to do is get a second opinion.

Meds that work. Keep trying.

Fine tuning meds. Quantity is part of the process. Work close with your doctors.

Therapy

Diet, exercise, attend motivation lectures.

Consider changes in environment, employment and profession.

Remove toxic persons from your life as well as addictions.

Seek spiritual peace however you desire.

Allow time to mature.

Condider part time work instead of full time.

Consider helping others, its been my therapy.

Tony WK

geoff · ‎10-01-2017

hello, yes it's very possible as Tony has said, but you know what happens is that we end up in a ball of denial, exactly the same as myself, there wasn't anything that would make me enjoy my life, sure I could pretend, but that doesn't do much good, nor will it bring any joy to my life, because it's false way of trying to live a life, so this is exactly how you feel.
By taking antidepressants (AD) will only help you with half the battle to overcome your depression, they aren't like taking a headache tablet, and the pain goes away, but what they do is try and open the door for you to try and accept that something could make you feel better, but they aren't the soul solution to fix your depression.
You have to take it day by day and once you begin to think of the future and how awful it may look, then your negativity will still remain with you, that's why you take it day by day.
What you have to do is to remove yourself from your present life and look at doing something completely different, in other words turn your life around, because odds on everything you once enjoyed will not stimulate you any more, you have to look at other areas that you once thought you would never like to do, you will be surprised.
Everything that I enjoyed before my depression I don't do any more, my life has turned around 360 degrees, so now I am doing everything that is opposite to what I wanted to do. Geoff.

geoff · ‎10-01-2017

hello, yes it's very possible as Tony has said, but you know what happens is that we end up in a ball of denial, exactly the same as myself, there wasn't anything that would make me enjoy my life, sure I could pretend, but that doesn't do much good, nor will it bring any joy to my life, because it's false way of trying to live a life, so this is exactly how you feel.
By taking antidepressants (AD) will only help you with half the battle to overcome your depression, they aren't like taking a headache tablet, and the pain goes away, but what they do is try and open the door for you to try and accept that something could make you feel better, but they aren't the soul solution to fix your depression.
You have to take it day by day and once you begin to think of the future and how awful it may look, then your negativity will still remain with you, that's why you take it day by day.
What you have to do is to remove yourself from your present life and look at doing something completely different, in other words turn your life around, because odds on everything you once enjoyed will not stimulate you any more, you have to look at other areas that you once thought you would never like to do, you will be surprised.
Everything that I enjoyed before my depression I don't do any more, my life has turned around 360 degrees, so now I am doing everything that is opposite to what I wanted to do. Geoff.

savta · ‎10-01-2017

I am having the exact same day as you, i am in a dark hole. My depressive episodes have been reoccuring more in this past year than in all the 20 years since i began treatment. I fear for my sanity

Sophie_M · ‎10-01-2017

Hi Savta, welcome to the forums and sorry to read that you are struggling at the moment. If you start a new thread the community will be able to talk with you about your situation and what's happening for you.

Notreallyhere · ‎10-01-2017

Thank you so much for replying, I was really unsure about posting, cause it makes my depression feel so much more real. I have been living in denial of these feelings for so long now, trying to just fake happiness for the sake of my husband and kids. I am failing I just can't keep faking. It's so hard to be around people that love me and be faking every response. It has become so tiresome that I have for the last two years or so withdrawn from everyone, I'd rather just be alone. I have no-one to talk to, I lost all of my friends moving around for my husbands job. I have no family of my own. My parents and extended family left me when I was 12 years old, for their own selfish reasons. I met my husband at 13yrs have now been married to him for 14yrs out of the 21 we have been together. We have two children a 13yr old and a 10yr old. I am 34. My kids now being older are being affected by my depression, they don't understand why I don't do anything. I don't know what to tell them that will help them to understand. I feel defeated. I have had to be so strong and look after myself from such a young age and I just can't do it anymore. Honestly I would really like to just slip away to whatever comes after this life. I feel it would be so much better for them to not have to witness this disease defeating me.

I have been taking AD for most of my life, I have swapped a few times when I felt there was no improvement.

I practice meditation and hypnosis daily, and it helps in the moment.

I honestly just feel so empty all of the time, nothing I do shifts the uneasiness and weight I feel crushing my spirit. My husband tries to be understanding but quickly loses his temper with me, I don't blame him though it must be so awful being around me all of the time.

I know that I need help, I fear that I won't make it if I don't seek help again. I just don't know where to turn as every doctor or counsellor I have seen always blames my childhood for my depression and yes I had an awful up bringing my life was full of violence, hatred, abuse, alcohol and drugs. I just don't think that's my problem.

I want to get better, I just don't know how? Everything that I have tried has failed. So now, I don't go out anywhere, I don't speak about it, I have no friends or family. I stay within the confines of my house, my prison.

I'm exhausted, I understand that I must make the move to seek help, but it just seems like the effort required is so much more than I am.

SJ22 · ‎12-01-2017

hello Notreallyhere

so sorry to hear you've been struggling so much for the past 2 years,and of course the many problems you faced as a kid were not your fault

I'v suffered from few severe depression episodes and I'm still working my way through them

as you said ,YOU DO NEED HELP,IMMEDIATE HELP I'd say.and you should start communicating this need as soon as you can.

please talk to your GP and ask him to refer you to a new psychiatrist in case your current specialist isn't helpful.explain your current feelings and state of mind to your GP and how it's been declining,and tell him your current treatment doesn't seem to be effective.

please seek help ,the sooner the better

keep us posted

Deidg · ‎12-01-2017

Hello "Not-really-here" I think you have been strong for so long. It seems like you did everything completely the opposite to what your family did to you, because you never wanted that for your children's future, not forgetting your husband either, who sounds like a supportive man. I hope you dont mund that I might be paraphrasing or analysing, God knows I have reflected enough on my own existance in life and I have had to remind myself that I didnt just arrive at this point to end it there...I have felt very similar to you, that sense that I am not apart of this world, bit of a loner..I must add! I used to think I was a happy loner, but I was kidding myself, mybe I convinced myself I didnt need people in my life because they tended to be hurtful so I'd chosen to be alone. I think now, this was why I became withdrawn with low self-esteem for many years! I missed a lot of opportunities, I am still struggling with interacting with people, but I sense I have made somee improvements with small steps, but now I'm finding Im recognising how my emotiins really kick in...now I'm getting angry, doesn't help being sensitive haaaha! But perhaps this stirred up emotion is challenging me to deal with the mess that I tend to create, that being thoughts and triggers.. its like something thats been locked up but wants to gush out..I am by means a violent person, I just feel that when you been apart of this world and one day i reach out because I do want to....but it feels like, you get knocked back, who doesn't? going back to how people (including myself) are hurtful, "fact of life" sorry for going off. It reminds me of that song " I get knocked out, but I get up again, noeones ever vonna get me down....." and yes what follows after those lyrics... I will confess I have knocked back a few vinos... well thats another story, I'm smiling to myself thinking in this life I can only do my best, when I go at least I tried to do good..mostly! Take care Mum of two...