Career Anxiety and Loneliness

[Asriyah]

Hi all,

I'm new to the forums, but everything felt like it was a bit too much today and I think I need to get some things off my chest, and see if anyone has any advice to offer.

I'm 23 years old, and for about the last year I've been working in a law firm full-time. . I've been maintaining a GPA of 6.6, and I've really worked hard at my uni studies. I thought when I got this job that it was everything I'd been working towards.

Working in a law firm used to be everything I wanted. I now believe I'd rather do anything but. I know that my law degree will help me in other areas, and I would still like to become a solicitor and perhaps work in government, I just don't want to work in a firm. I hate the culture at my workplace. But currently, I can't see any way out of my situation. With the number of law graduates there are every year, I know I should be grateful to have a job in this field but I find myself wishing something would happen to me on the way to work every morning, so I don't have to go. It's the disorganised workplace, a high workload, and the feeling that I have spent years of my life studying something I don't enjoy in practice.

Every day feels like another challenge to face. Get up, go to work, come home, cook, study, sleep, repeat. I'm so scared of this coming year. I'm only doing one subject over Christmas, and in order to finish my degree this year I need to do three or four. I'm already struggling right now with how I feel just doing one. I want to get this study over and done with but I'm afraid I'm going to have a breakdown if I keep pushing at this pace.

My partner of four years works night shift, and although before I used to love the time to study, I now find myself in tears Sunday night knowing I won't see him until the weekend. I can't stand the loneliness.

I feel like I'm sinking into depression again (I had a bout in my teens) and I'm desperate not to. I know that it's mainly my job and my partner's work hours, but I feel as though I can't change either of them. We have a mortgage, and I can't just quit. Although things have been rocky in our relationship lately as well, I can't just quit that either, because I know the legal costs and problems it would cause (he bought most of the money to the relationship and some things he has said while fighting make me believe he would make it hard) and that it would likely make things worse.

I don't know what to do. If anyone has advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

[Neil_1]

Hi there asriyah,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming and providing your post.

Congratulations to you on the job that you’ve got and believe me, in today’s current climate, being able to have a job and earn the dreaded 5 letter word, money, is something not to be sneezed at. Along those lines, I’m not sure if you were thinking about finishing up in this current job, but if I could suggest that you do everything you can to continue with it, despite how things might seem or be. The chances of walking into another job are pretty tough, but would be nigh on impossible if you aren’t currently working.

So by all means, search away and apply away for other jobs, but maintain your residency in this particular job – moving from one job to another, whilst still employed is, I believe the way to go.

Do you have any close family or friends who you could possibly talk to? Perhaps in relation to your work, your studies? Just someone who might be able to lend a supporting shoulder or a listening ear?

The situation with your relationship also sounds difficult, especially with the long times that you are spending apart; but also with the recent, not seeing ‘eye-to-eye’. Are there things you could try to incorporate, though difficult with the current situation, but I’m meaning a nice dinner out somewhere or a weekend away together, if possible? Just something that might rekindle something back into the mix for you both?

I do hope I haven’t waffled and have made some sense for you?

Neil

[White_Rose]

Dear Asriyah

Hello and welcome. Thank you for talking to us and well done on writing here. It can be most off-putting for many people.

I agree with all Neil has said, especially about staying in your job until you get another. It doesn't look good on your CV to say you worked somewhere for a short time and left, and it could be interpreted as being sacked. So stick with it.

Often the reality of our dreams of the future turns out very differently to what we thought. Still you have survived several years at uni and progressed a long way, so you must be intelligent and hard working. No matter the subject, to do well means hard work.

Please don't run away with the idea that the public service, state or federal, is hugely better than private industry. There are lots of positives in public service but this does not mean it's necessarily a good place to work. I do not have a legal degree but worked in a public service agency with a whole floor of solicitors. They seem to thrive on confrontation and competitiveness. Changing employers does not necessarily mean a more pleasant job.

Have you talked to anyone from your uni counselling team? This would be a safe and easy place to go and talk about all the things that are bothering you. Do you need to complete your degree this year? If it is possible, why not take it a little more slowly to relieve your stress and complete only two more subjects. I know from my own experience it's not easy to work full time and also study full time.

Stress can cause relationships to become rocky because you are both tired and worried. In these circumstances it's not easy to keep a clear mind and heart. The smallest irritation can cause a huge fight and afterwards you wonder what happened. I presume your partner does not want to change his job for a daytime job, or perhaps financially he needs to work these hours.That would be one solution though I have no idea if it is feasible.

I am also wondering which is the chicken and which the egg. Did uni and work become difficult first or the relationship difficulties? My guess is that whichever started the tension is the one you need to address first. I also think your big decision is whether or not to drop out of uni. Whatever you decide to do with your life/relationship/work a completed degree means more that learning one subject. It shows you have stamina, determination, and intelligence. Sad to lose this when you are so close. Write in and explore your thoughts with us here.

Mary

[Guest_934]

Asriyah, I'm really glad you've joined. I joined under 48hrs ago and it's already changed my view by gaining perspective that I wasn't alone. I don't know if I qualify to offer any advice being so new, so I'll speak from my own experiences. I'm in the same boat as you.

Most people welcomed the new year with joy and anticipation and all I could do was feel dredge at spending one more year at my job. I'm giving myself one year to be financially secure before I pursue a visual arts degree in 2018. So perhaps you may need to question what your passion is in life? You probably already know what it is - just give yourself time and planning in the long term to achieve it.

Corporate law is tough. 50% of LLB and JD grads don't go on to practice so you are not alone. The 16hr days, the over billing by barristers, the accountability versus the lack management or support can be unhealthy so weigh up your options to stay or go. There a plenty of legal jobs out there and you have a head start as most of your cohort would be applying for summer clerkships while you already are in a firm - very lucky.

The positives are that you are in your final year and completing electives and capstone units. Units that are a lot more fun than torts or contracts. Just one year to go and you'll have ample choices in the job market especially in the public sector.

Another thing could be to be open with those around you and tell them you need support. It really helped me that I told my support network I was upset and they have been there for me continually reminding and supporting me of the bigger picture. Speak to your other half or a trusted friend of family - sometimes we just need to be heard.

Ana 🙂