Hi, I am new to this here just signed up to read others posts and felt inspired?to post my situation.
Quick back story, now 32,
I was abused as a child (aged 4 to about 9/I 0 years old ) physically and verbally
*Chronic alcoholic from 13-30 (almost 2 years sober)
*diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety and paranoia
*night terrors /panic attacks /hallucinations /feel like I'm dying /can't sleep & wake up constantly thinking I'll be murdered while I sleep
*chronic migraines (generally everyday /at least every 2nd guaranteed) became chronic several months ago, upgraded from monthly or so. On zomig for that.
*Ticks- eye, shoulder and neck movements, have to keep remembering to untense face/expression
*tinnitus - really high pitch 24/7 can't think about it too much
I quit alcohol because I didn't want to lose my partner and our few years old son. (yes was very hard to do but I don't think about it anymore) but since being sober my depression keeps growing . I'm becoming manic, sometimes crying in the car park at work feeling sick in my stomach /butterflies. Empty but for the Overwhelming sense of dread, imminent danger. Stressing about people looking at me cripples me. Lost jobs over this. Some days I feel like I'm high on good vibes, feel powerful and resigned to life. Almost like in a state of nirvana, it's amazing actually. But those days are so rare it's mainly black. Some days the sadness is lesser but never gone.
I was on medication for about a year w/no affect so they put it up and everything went horrible so I stopped. Another medication, nothing, some other ssri can't remember made it all worse.
Anyone been through similar stuff like this and found their way through ? I'd love to hear about it. Thanks for reading
