Do not feed the monster
I am struggling to understand this website and find my way around
I have replied to some people
I think that two champions replied to my first two posts
I do not know where they are now
I have supported several posts of others
I have replied to one person I think today
I am resonating with several posts in different areas but cannot remember where they are
I am literally lost within this website as well as within myself
I am working very hard at keeping the dreaded "D" at bay which I have battled with too many times.
I have had this since young apparently
I have had large gaps of time where I am mostly symptom free I think
The monster is the dreaded "d"
It is also a relative whom I have had to relinquish her hold over me.
I have only learnt about this stuff recently so struggle talking about it.
So I think of do not feed the monster as in do not think of her. Or do not feel guilty or upset or worry or a thousand other things
Also do not feed the dreaded "d" as it lurks waiting
I will not find this piece again
I hope you have found your way to this thread of yours, again.
I know when people first join the foroums here, it's not easy to learn everything all at once. There are still things I don't understand about this website. When I have forgotten where I've posted a reply to someone is one problem I still have. I try to remember what the title was, or the name of who made the thread, & I can then search by typing in this information into the search thing up at the top of the whaatever page I' m on, then press Enter on my keyboard, & usually find what I am looking for.
Sometimes I remember to check the the 'bread crumb' up tere, which tells me, for example, your own thread is to be found in the Beyond Blue Forums, under the heading Mental Health Conditions, then under Depression. I might have to dig into some pages, before I find yours again. You, however, can click (tap) your 'Your discussions' near the top of the page, too, & then you will see all the discussions/threads you have begun.
Have you looked at the 'View the FAQ's' section?
I hope this gets you some way towards being able to use this website more.
I'm sorry you have 'the dreaded monster D', & have had someone who treated you badly. You are definitely not to blame for how she treated you, no, no shame, no guil, not your fault, you did nothing wrong.
Now I will go & see if I can find your other threads, using the search thingy.
I saw you had supported some posts in 'Last to post wins', & thank you for that. I know because I see what 'Notifications' I have, by clicking the little blue heart next to my own picture up at the top of the page. Maybe you've seen a number up there, near the little blue heart? There will be that many new Notifications for you.
Thank you so much mmMekitty for taking the time to explain how some of this works.
I write long letters so feel a little more at ease when I receive your efforts. I see that as your being kind and considerate.
I do not have any blue hearts or hearts at all next to my icon. Thank you for trying to help.
Hi again! Glad to see you found your thread again.
I also realise you have found the blue heart underneath each post.
The other blue heart is (at least on my PC), is up there between the search spyglass icon, & the circle which is (for you) the generic avatar picture. For me, it looks like my avatar, which is a picture of my cat, as she was some years ago now. We all see our own picture, whether it's the generic head & shoulders abstract or their own uploaded picture. It's near the right-hand top corner.
I usually write a lot, but we have to be a bit careful because there is a character count limit. It counts spaces & counts emojis as 'slightly smiling face' = 22 characters. Plus the counter may not let a post be posted when it reaches 23500, even though it's supposed to be permitted to post as many as 2500 characters in a post. That's a glitch not fixed yet.
There have been times when I used writing to just get things out of my head, for a while., maybe so I could sleep, or to stop the thoughts going on & on at me. I've found that very helpful to do. I would write everything I was thinking & feeling, no censorship, no holding back, remembering no-one ever has to read it, unless you choose.
Or take a break from thinking about that. Instead, focus on something else.
I find it very hard to not think of something. When I try, inevitably I think of the thing I want to not think about. It's like, if I say, "Don't think of someone with curly hair". What are the images which come to mind?
Maybe it would help to think of things you would rather think about, like favourite songs or places you like, books you've read, animals you like, maybe pet dogs or cats, or somewhere to go tomorrow, what is the plan for tomorrow? If you don't have one, what would you like to do? Just think, focusing in close, like holding a tube to your eye & looking close at a chosen thought.
It takes a while to familiarise with this website and hard especially if you only have a mobile phone. I have learned there are four (4) sections Anxiety, Depression, Suicidal and Family Relationships. Try and remember the Subject title to where you replied to a member's post and scroll to find them or I think somewhere in your membersip's settings it may hrlp you find to who you connected with.
Depression. I read that you have had gaps of being symptom free. I find the weather affects my emotion but moreso, if I have not eaten a healthy meal. Fast food is a quick HIT but I feel down afterwards. Spinach is my Motto. If I don't eat spinach for ar least 4-5 days I wilt. It is probably due to my nervous system being so sensitive. I was the ninth child so msybe I missed out on some good genes and enzyms, I really do not know. Hope you find my message and the others here lol.
One thing I do is I click "Follow Post" under posts I want to keep track of and then, if I want to find it again, I click "Profile" at the top of the screen.
I understand it can be really hard to talk about things sometimes and I hope you do not feel pressured here to talk before you are ready. I have some things that I am just not ready to deal with and, when they come up, I find ways to put it aside for later. Usually that's reading or listening to an interesting podcast. I hope you also have something similar to help you manage.
Thanks for supporting others on these forums. That's really great that you are able to connect with others and find ways to find meaning in your experiences, and turn them into help for others. I hope we can hold this thread for you when you need support and feel okay to talk more.
That is a lovely reply.
I very much appreciate your reassuring me.
I feel that I have written too much now all over the place and perhaps might start to bother people.
When you say this thread do you mean Do not Feed the Monster?
I can now see at the top that it comes under :
Hopefully I can find it that way.
I could not work out how to respond to your notification then found it another way which I do not remember.
Practise like anything I imagine.
I have been clicking follow post.
If people do not reply there is nothing to follow though.
I might take time out anyway now as am tired.
Thank you again
almost a tongue twister
Sorry that I did not reply to you sooner.
I was spreading myself out all over the place and confused myself more.
I have understood a little with the help of quite a few.
I t still seems weird as I feel as though I am writing in a void and that nobody will ever find my words.
You mentioned the weather.
I am not affected too much by the seasons more so by drastic change in weather. I hate the wind. I also hate extreme heat and humidity makes me feel ill.
I do love all of the seasons though. I welcome the change.
Meals are important as you mentioned.
I eat healthily however, when the dreaded “D” hits I feel nauseous and lose my appetite.
Ninth child that would have been a busy time growing up.
I was a twin and life was boring.
Thank you for saying hello.