Do I have to?

[jjac]

I'm not entirely sure I really want to live a full life. I feel like I have already. I can see my entire life for what it is, what it will be and there isn't really anything worth hanging around for. I'm not suicidal per say, I fear death, suffering, failure (for the guilt trips from loved ones and possible disability) and something so final...but I don't want to be a part of my life anymore. I'd rather a clean slate. In all facets of my life I am not happy, and haven't been for quite a long time. If not all of them at once, just one or two more than others. I can see exactly how each option will work out. I am not happy at work, I struggle with relationships, I'm just lazy and don't care while caring too much. The solutions are always "have you tried yoga?" Seriously? Yoga? How on earth would that help?! Yeah, yeah, serotonin and movement. Of course, I am just in the "wrong" mindset and if I actually tried I could be happier. Sure sure. I just can't be bothered even entertaining such time wasting, it's just a pety distraction from the reality. This green smoothie and stretching sure makes me feel less like life is a waste of time! YIPPEE!

At work everyone demands too much, or asks stupid questions. My field is purely dealing with all of the dregs and nonsense and having to answer the same questions constantly. A problem to solve puts a cloud over me that I can't lift until the issue is resolved or gone. I don't know how much longer I can deal with stupid people and their stupid demands. How much longer can I come into work and stare at a screen all day? I've tired of all of the take away. I'll have to do this for the rest of my life? Why bother? Before you say get a new job, I am a few years away from long service leave, so why cut loose now? That and everything I have experience and training in is the same. Same crud, different workplace. Nothing would change.

I find no satisfaction in anything. I get bitter at the car that runs the red light, the subpar food I am served in a restaurant, the rude person, the rain, my washing machine, anything. I'm cynical before anything else and can't imagine constantly looking on the bright side, because when I do I am put in my place and realise I shouldn't have bothered.

I'm seen as wrong all of the time by my partner, because he just doesn't understand me. I can't get my points across.

I just want to cancel my life, cut the subscription and start again as a new person with better prospects.

[White_Rose]

Dear JJAC

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. You do sound as though you want the world to stop while you get off. In general, absolutely fed up with the hand life has dealt you. And very angry and hurt.

You don't want platitudes and I am not in the habit of giving them. Once you cut the subscription there is no new person. In fact no person at all and all the potential of your life has gone. I know you are not contemplating ending your life. No need really, you seem to have done a good job already.

In this world there is only one you. No one else will be able to do what you can do. Your anger, disappointment and hurt comes from the frustration you are experiencing. So do something about it. Don't flounder around complaining.

What is there about your life that is so much harder than for others? When people say they should not complain I encourage them to complain and get help. Everyone needs help. With you I want to say, open your eyes and see the suffering around you. Browse this web site and read the posts from those who are down on the ground. See what you can do to help some of these folk. It always makes us feel better to help a fellow traveller on the road.

Green smoothies and yoga may well help you. I have found my mood drastically altered when I have a poor diet. And when I neglect my meditation I am less than I could be.

Tell us of the tragedies in your life and lets compare notes. I suggest you are depressed and need help. Go to your GP. Make a long appointment. Copy your post above and take that with you to explain the reason for your visit. Go to marriage guidance with your partner if things are not going well. Relationships Australia is an excellent service.

Talk to your partner about your feelings. Tell him what you have written here. Show him your post. If he dismisses you then maybe it's time to part. Or is this part of your anger? Everyone gets irritated by fool drivers, bad service, rude people. Do you think no else sees these things. Yoga, or meditation, actually does help. Not the first time or the 20th. It is a process, a discipline to keep going when you much rather stay in bed or pick a fight. Anything rather then sit down and let your anger go. Mate I have been there so many times.

The price of being human is to struggle to make ourselves the best we can be. No one can do this for you. I want my anger, depression, fear, frustration to go away. Well meditation helps. Plus a wonderful doctor and antidepressants.

Mary

[topsy_]

Hi jjac

So much of what you have written could describe me at different times, except I'm not afraid of dying. I'm not sure of your age - I'm nearly 60 - but I wonder if that colours my thinking as more & more physical things start to wear out & cause trouble.

I do struggle to stay on top of all of this but only because I recognise my importance to my husband & family.

It seems to be socially unacceptable to think like I do, but of course, like yourself, there are reasons behind it all.

I don't mind if you want to type back although I'm not sure BB will let this thread continue. They only like positive stuff.

Mary, I apologise for saying this, but I think the whole tone of your reply is unhelpful & offensive. There are ways people who feel like jjac & I can be helped but it is most certainly not by being berated.

Lyn.

[JessF]

Hello Lyn and Jjac, I'm sure Mary's intention wasn't to offend or be unhelpful. I have seen Mary reply to many people on these forums in a kind and gentle way, but I'm guessing that she felt this wasn't the sort of approach that would work in a post from a self-admitted cynic about life. There are things like yoga, meditation, changes to diet and exercise that have been proven to work, and do work for many of us (even though we don't necessarily like doing them) and Jjac's post perhaps comes across as thinking those things are stupid and worthless, and therefore by extension, those of us who try these things are mugs for doing so.

We can all be very sensitive when depressed, and it's easy to read the wrong things into text, and I'm sure it wasn't Jjac's intention to offend either.

In a spirit of genuine openness, I'd like to know how best to have a conversation which can help here. You mention there are ways, can you tell us what works for you, either to cope with low moods or just as an approach for support?

Having a vent is sometimes necessary to get things off your chest but in a support environment like this it can be a struggle for some of us to know how to help when someone says that nothing works or they're unwilling to try anything. We do know hard it is, as we've lived it too. Please help us to understand.

[jjac]

Thanks for responding. I'm 28. My body is already letting me down haha. I guess I'm only afraid because I have no idea what is next. It could be worse on the other side and I'll have no idea. I just don't want to be me anymore more than anything. I'm just so tired of the let Downs and bad news and everything in between. I'm scared of my future being even more disappointing. I've been trying for decades and it doesn't get easier. Only harder. It really entertains me that bb would discourage true feelings and opinions from depression and conceal and moderate everything. Even the people fighting stigma are causing it. It makes people feel isolated and alone.

[pipsy]

Hi jjac. You sound as fed-up, browned off with life in general as you can be. You say your partner doesn't understand you, my question there is: do you? There are times when everyone wants to 'stop the world and jump off'. We get one life, one chance in life. How we choose to live it is our choice. No-one can force us to do something we don't want to, apart from the obvious, school, work etc. Most people who post here, have at some time in their lives felt what you are experiencing- and worse. Mary, me and several others have had the s*** kicked out of us more times than we can count. Our choice to try to 'be there' for others less fortunate has come about through the problems we've had to face. Loads of times I've wanted to 'jump', had it not been for BB's never-ending support and encouragement to live, I possibly might have succeeded. BB does not discourage true feelings and depression, nor does it discourage people from talking about 'ending'. How it helps is, when people post here, who do feel empty, BB gives encouragement and advise about who best to turn to for help. We do not give advise about meds only that it might help if whoever needs them to ask for them. I'm sorry you feel so alone, but maybe by posting here and reading other posts, it may be beneficial to you in that when you see how others have been helped here, the world is not too bad. Mary is a very, warm, caring person who would never deliberately hurt anyone.

Lynda.

[topsy_]

Hi everyone,

I've spent 3/4 hour trying to write a reply to Mary & Jjac, but I don't hold much hope I can convey my feelings effectively, so I've given up. I'm not usually a quitter but I'm feeling too drained to continue trying.

Sending my best wishes to all, Lyn.

[Dwwmills]

Hi jjac.

It’s good to see you come back and respond to your post. I do understand how you feel as life can just seem very hard at times and there doesn’t seem to be any obvious way forward. The good thing though is that there is a way forward.

Something called “Confirmation Bias” can colour our view of the world. E.g. if you buy a blue car suddenly there are lots of other blue cars on the road. They were there before but you just did not notice them. Our brain filters what we see and hear so that we don’t become overwhelmed with unimportant things. It tries to pick up on things that are important to us. This is why when you are depressed you only notice things that support your worldview. This is why things sometimes seem hopeless. There are lots of good things and opportunities around us but we missed them or dismiss them.

I have suffered from Generalised Anxiety Disorder for 40 years. I’ve tried different things over the years and had some success. What made the biggest difference in the last couple years was making an absolute commitment to living life with a normal level of anxiety. I made the decision that no matter how long it took or what I had to do I was going to get control of my anxiety. I didn’t have a picture in my head what life would look like after. As it turned out medication and Cognitive-based Therapy worked wonders. When you look around this site other people have used different methods to get similar results. I don’t think what you use matters as much as really committing to the particular therapy for long enough to give it a good chance. If one particular thing doesn’t work, learn from it and look at something else but above all else just keep going. Getting professional help is a great idea. Professionals can’t do the work for you but they can help. Just use them as part of your toolbox to tackle your problems. This commitment allowed me to tackle things in my life that I’d been too scared to confront before. It has made a huge difference to how happy my life is and how I view the world.

It may not seem like it now but you really can change things for the better. Looking at the whole problem at once makes it seem very difficult but you don’t need to tackle it all at once. Break it into small bits and tackle in a bit at a time. Having small successes is what builds the confidence to tackling the bigger issues. Seeing a GP and getting a referral to a psychologist may be a good start.

Dean

[jjac]

I'm not really sure what would help. Maybe I am one of those people that really doesn't want to try? I feel like when I try a new thing or habit I feel like a fraud and it feels unnatural. I drop it pretty quickly cause its just not me, or its a lot of work for little pay-off. It's really hard to make a positive change and really easy to make a negative one. I know how certain things will play out and they may help other people but they don't help me? I don't know if that's a cop out or fair. People always say it's up to you and no one else can help you but I don't even know how to. I don't know what I'm meant to do other than pay someone to talk... Then they'll tell me I'm the only one that can do anything. I feel like I'm missing the instruction manual.

I know I have to get a referral but the thought of having to resist every opinion I have and embrace things I don't agree with sounds so hard.

[CMF]

hi,

yeah I sometimes don't want to live a full life. I don't see the point of being here till I'm 90 or 100. I'm here now because I need o bring up my kids but I think ive done everything in life.

ive worked, been married, travelled, had kids, divorced, struggled with a mortgage (still do). I don't socialise much, cant be bothered, don't know what I will do for work when my little one goes to school. I don't want a career just want a job to pay bills because I have to. I have no interest in anymore travel or even a holiday. you sound angry, depressed, tired. ok so if you change jobs it is the same stuff in a different location.

have you had a break recently, a holiday? have you considered going back to study? Is this an option? you cant talk to your hubby because he uis always right so there is no chance of discussion. I GET THIS! my daughters dad is the same. I cant have a conversation because he just shoots everything down and says no, its like this... it shuts me down so I just keep quiet, I have nothing to say and if I challenge or disagree he gets upset and turns it around to blame me. maybe being around him is what is dragging you down. I know when I am around him I feel negative, depressed, shut down. he irritates me cocky, arraogant at times,negative. it we've been out I feel so flat afterwards and defeated. sounds like you need to challenged, in a positive way be with people you can have real conversations with. you live with your partner, I think this is where it starts as it puts you on the back foot from the start. he makes you feel wrong all the time, its a negative environmemnt, there is no respect for you or your thougts/opinions. ive been there. I don't live with my daughters father and I can tell you the less I have to dowith him the better I feel, ive realised.

can you take a break, on your own. be around different people, spend time by yourself? it takes time but it does help. makes you think about what you want and don't want and what needs to change.