Disabilty, Depression and DES: My Experience

[BeKindRewind4Life]

I have decided to write this post as a guide for anyone applying for disability under the terms of mental illness. A number of years ago now 11 to be precise, I was offered the opportunity to apply for disability. I had left a full time job to be with my family who were moving state, I couldn't change this.I had always suffered from episodes of depression and anxiety, but had coped enough to pursue qualifications and a few jobs. Because I needed the support of my family to cope, I left my job, and intended to find another, but that sadly did not eventuate. This put me on a collision course with government policy. Within months of leaving work and trying to find another job, I found myself in one Work for the Dole program after another, I suffer from fatigue due to depression and severe sleep apnea. Because the WFD programs didn't cater to my illnesses, I was picking up trash by the roadside, travelling kilometres on foot to be degraded and treated like bludging garbage and made to feel as if I was being exploited, which even though possibly not the intention was the end result, throwing me into deep depression, and even thoughts of suicide. I have no doubt other people feel the same with the current way of treating the unemployed. I wanted work, I couldn't get it, and within three WFD programs I was suffering severe anxiety to go along with my chronic depression, and extreme fatigue, from all that goes along with WFD, threats of non-compliance, treatment as if you are worthless and looked down upon, being put into programs that don't give skills or training to improve chances of getting back into the workforce, or worse aggravate illnesses such as high levels of fatigue that I personally would avoid when going after jobs, given my severe sleep apnea. I so desperately wanted work, and my mental health was crashing, eventually, I was assessed as being "Unfit to work"... and at this stage, I truly was, the system had done more to take away my confidence and aggravate mental health issues than working ever could, I had gone from holding it together to maintain work and be part of the world to being unable to be part of anything. The tunnel with that glimmer of hope at the end, the one that said, you'll find work again, there is a way out of this hell, seemed longer and longer. I was in the deepest depression I have ever been in, and the lifeline that was the DSP, turned out to be the rope that would bind me, and drag me to the deepest depths of despair.

[Croix]

Dear BeKindRewind4Life~

As you know we have talked a bit about this in your other thread:

Forums / Depression / Alone Forever

And yYou certainly give a very graphic picture both there and here of what it is like to be in the system, with WFD activities simply making things worse.

Being unemployed though no fault of one's own, and having anxiety and depression are both things that are incredibly hard to deal with.

It takes strength, perspective and resilience to endure unemployment, let alone the illness.

It's an unfortunate aspect of human nature that if one is consistently treated badly one can start to believe one is less worthy, or at fault, or in some way causing it. Utter nonsense of course, but for an awful lot this happens.

I do know some that have placements they enjoy, one in a heritage organization, another in a mine information office, a third in a museum. They range in age from 30 or so on up. I think the organizations asked for those particular people and became registered as an authorized place for WFD recipients to work.

I don't know much more than what I've written. Maybe there might be an alternative for you, I don't know. When one hears of a person in a horrible situation such as yourself one really wants to help, I wish I could offer more.

Croix

[BeKindRewind4Life]

Hi Croix,

Yes I was just venting, there is more to this story but it was deleted, unfortunately I have seen the worst of the system has to offer, mainly just WFD programs purely created to attract funding instead of providing a means to get back into the workforce, and DES services centred around sign up numbers, contact meetings and getting funding to secure their own jobs rather than to help clients find work.

It's probably more due to the geographical location I ended up in rather than a reflection on how the system is across the whole country, but it's still no excuse, people shouldn't be exploited when they are supposed to be receiving help. I would have loved to end up in an office if it was WFD or a museum, but mostly I would have loved to return to work.

I'm on 8 hrs or less now, but it's more because I kicked against the system, I used to be on 14 hrs or less until a particular agency threw me to the sharks for complaining too much, or rather asking them to actually do something to actually help me,they don't like being asked to help. I think it was sheer anxiety the day they made the decision to "Decide for me" what I can and cannot do, my mum was admitted to emergency on the same day my situation was reviewed by the DHS, so according to them I was severely anxious.... well yes...on that particular day, they did that mandatory review.

I think in the right circumstances I could have gone back to working more hours, but those circumstances never presented themselves. I'm someone who desperately wants to have life, what I see around me, rather than the disconnect from a world I no longer feel part of.

I may move one day once my mum passes away, which is becoming closer, and see where that takes me. I joke, "Hey what are we doing for Christmas 2019?"...since it looks like she might make it to 2018's given that it's a year longer than they said, but I know it's not likely, as she tells me. I still speak to my friend who was diagnosed at the same time as her, my close friend but we speak less and less as she gets sicker and needs to be with her family more. Soon I know I will only have one person left.

There are regrets, not pushing harder to get out of the system, to a life I see everywhere with people just going to work and having families and loved ones, something that is slowly fading into a hope, rather than a reality. I have a lot of decisions to make in the future that I will have to make on my own, and that scares me the most.

[Croix]

Dear BeKindRewind4Life

It's true, having to make those decisions on your own is a frightening thing. My first wife died very young after a lingering illness and I felt that feeling of being alone, trying to cope, to make decisions. Very daunting.

Looking back now from umpteen year later I realize I'd been making decisions all along, it was not deciding things, it was the thought of being alone that was my true fear.

I found another, or she found me. All that shows is life is not always what you anticipate and can turn out well. Being able to talk with you mum about what is happening frankly as in your Christmas joke is a wonderful part of your relationship with her.

I like your Dali Soft Watch avatar, the pace of time does seem to change on occasion.

Croix