Can't see the future anymore

[MitchLT]

Hello There! I have tried a lot of things without success so I thought I would call out for help on this site. Have been with same partner for many years and we have lived in hope of having a family however we are unable due to medical problems (my side). We are both in our 40's now and my partner has tried to comfort me by saying that she doesn't feel she could cope with having a family now anyway. This 'hope' kept me going for over 20 years and now I am trying to accept that it is not to be. Also I am struggling financially - I had a small business that we had to close last year - a business that I had put a lot of 'hope' in for the future. I have reached a point in my life where I cannot think of anything to get up for in the morning. I have a steady job which is just a 'job' and it just pays the bills but every day is a worry. I seemed to have lost all sense of purpose and direction in my life. I have started drinking heavily and am also on depression medication. I often wish there was a quick way out of this life without hurting anyone else. Sorry to ramble on but I just don't know where to turn anymore. Has anyone ever felt like this and got past it? I've tried all sorts of motivational recordings and videos. I've tried goal-setting. I can't think off anything I would like to be, do or have anymore..............

[smallwolf]

MitchLT,

Hello and welcome to beyond blue.

Sorry to hear about the problems you have been facing - both with your business and personal matters. Your dreams seem to be disappearing? I guess the 'job' is a reminder of what you had? And I can see that things seem really hard at the moment, but there is still hope, but perhaps not quite as you see it. And changes are not instant. They take time. 😞 And I was in that place where you were looking for a way to quell the pain of life.

Like you I am in my 40s (I am on the end closer to 50 though) and for the last talking to a psychologist about my issues. I struggled (still struggle sometimes) to believe alternate thought of when facing negative thoughts. There are also people that I have coffee or lunch with on a periodic basis who I can talk to, or they ask me how I am and I can be honest. Other than your partner, is there anyone you can talk to? Family? Friends? Or could you find a professional (counsellor, psychologist, etc.) that might be able to help?

Being able to talk about what you are going through is one part of the solution, if I can use that word. The other part is the homework that I get which involve exercises I do. These started with grounding exercises, journal writing, sleep. Lots of things that when combines can slowly improve quality of life or make it manageable. The journal writing are things to look forward to, positives, pleasures, gratitudes etc. All of these things aim to re-wire the mind. For me, there is no one thing that makes everything better.

There are many other things I could say to you, but space prevents me from writing too much more. I hope to chat more with you, but a good starting point would be to look for the thread...

Three things to look forward to

You might get a few ideas (or aha moments) to help you through these phases/days when everything seems hopeless. Hope to hear from you soon,

Tim

[TTTJJJ]

Hi MitchLT,

I’m new to this and also feeling horrible so i wont try to offer you any advice. But i can say two things from personal experience -

having kids is not all its cracked up to be, it works for some, but not meant to be for others, the positives are that your expenses are much less than someone with kids (so use that money for a holiday), and you are free to go and do whatever you please without worrying about school, or sporting commitments etc. And you can get down and dirty with your partner in any room of the house without the kids walking in on you!

In regard to small business - i have been running one for a long time, it does really well and provides a great income, but the stress is crushing me. I actually dream of working in a mindless job for someone else, i’m Jealous of the checkout staff at the supermarket......There are many times when i question why we put so much effort into running a business which provides employment for 20 people, and a good, but not obscene income for us, when it would be so much simpler to just go and work for someone else, in fact i’d Probably earn more.

so what i am saying is look to the positives in any situation. There’s always another side to the story and someone who would rather be in your shoes....

[MitchLT]

Thanks TTTJJJ,

Appreciate you comments. I guess I used to use that as something to look forward to (kids) and I appreciate the stress of running a business. I am very thankful of what I have but I guess the main thing I am struggling with is I seem to be living just a moment at a time and dragging myself thru each day. I have just lost all sense of direction and I can't see any future in this life. When I see or hear about a family member or friend with a terminal illness I feel horribly envious and it scares me a bit. I left my partner 5 times since I met her - I figured I had wrecked her life and that she would be better off without me - but she is so kind and caring that she talked me into coming back each time. I know there is plenty that would give anything for a partner like that but the only thing is I can't talk to her about this and I feel like I'm in a maze with no way out. I love helping others and I experience little bits of joy each time I do but I can't cope with the gaps between anymore.

[MitchLT]

Hello smallwolf,

I appreciate you responding to my post. I know I should talk to someone but I just haven't got the courage at the moment. I am a very good actor and none of my friends or relatives would know how depressed I get. I am often the 'life of the party' and they often thank me for cheering them up!!!! but when I am on my own I am a sorry mess. I use eye-drops to clear my eyes so no-one ever knows I've been crying.

Thank you for your suggestion of the writing about things to look forward to etc - I will start the journal straight away .