Depression perimenopause feeling hopeless

[CeeDee2018]

Hi everyone. I thought I would join Beyond Blue because Im really struggling at the moment and don't have any support networks around me. I'm 49yo single female, going through peri-menopause, my partner and I broke up 3 months ago because I was really struggling with symptoms of anxiety and was having difficulty making long-term commitment decisions with him, so I panicked and left him, I'm still struggling with that stupid decision because I did love him and he was the most wonderful man I've ever known, we were inseparable so being alone again is a real shock.. particularly at this age. I've struggled with a drug addiction for the last 5yrs, I initially started smoking 20yrs ago, self medicating for insomnia and over the past few years I've desperately been trying to give up but failing every time, it's made me completely antisocial but I just felt happier being away from people, but now I've realised how much it has affected my life, I don't want to smoke anymore, I don't want this solitary life, but I'm lonely so it night it stops me from going crazy with boredom at night, so I'm really struggling with the vicious cycle. I don't know how to get myself back to being social and meeting people. I'm very young at heart, never got married or had kids and I'm still renting (for which at my age I'm constantly being judged for) I find it difficult to make friends in my age group because I feel like I don't have anything in common with any of them and everybody already has their social groups. I'm seeing a psychologist, but I'm just really lonely, I'm not on medication because it's not really clinical depression, it's more situational due to loneliness, lifestyle factors (and hormonal) Today It's a beautiful sunny day outside and I'm lying on my bed crying wishing I had someone to go and hang out with, I really don't know how to make friends at this age, it's so difficult.

[PamelaR]

Hi CeeDee and a very warm welcome to our community forums

My heart goes out to you. Perimenopause is draining. Maybe this won't help much, but it is okay to start questioning everything. Doing something different, such as being single again is hard work. But the good thing is, it is doable. There are many out there who are in similar circumstances CeeDee. You're not alone.

The changes in hormones won't help what you're going through, so getting help from others is always good. I know what you mean about loneliness. I've moved cities about 4 times in 40 years (about every 10 years). It means building new relationships. Some cities are harder than others to crack. I've been lucky to have a partner, however, I've still needed the friendship of others.

Some of the things I did when going through perimenopause to help me get over those feelings was -

• accupuncture. It's expensive, but I found it beneficial to help calm my body, my hormones. I did this monthly for about 2 years
• practiced yoga poses. I found a book that gave you poses for different ailments, including menopause. I practiced these poses every night before going to bed. They helped calm and relax me.
• used natural hormone replacements, such as wild yam. Had to keep an eye on this as my hormones changed, so did the creams I used.
• regular exercise and healthy eating.

Something I did to help build new relationships was -

joined an acquanautics club. Helped get the exercise I needed and to meet new people.

coffee and lunch meet ups. While I did not have much in common with people I worked with, I need make an effort to get to know them better. I set up regular lunch dates with different people on different days. This helped to build friendships. It was surprising to know I did have some things in common with others.

joined the local amateur theatre company. Became an avid goer to lots of plays by local artists. Surprising the number of people you see regularly and start conversations with.

The most difficult thing about building friendships is knowing what your interests are - it's not always obvious. Generally there is lots of soul searching, also lots of trying and dropping.

My last move was at t 55. It's hard work building friendships. My approach was through - fb. There was a group with the same interest. We meet up monthly to photograph wildlife. From this encounter, we've been camping and holidaying with others.

Hope some of this helps.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[A_League_of_One]

Hi Feeder,
This post was last year so I'm not sure if still around.
I thought it was me writing that!
I am experiencing exactly the same thing.
Anti social, isolation, no kids or family close by and perimenopause!
Drop me a line if you're ever around again.
C xo