Depression: dog vs black dog

[Sea-n-sky]

Some guy elsewhere in this forum, asked the question "How would we describe depression if it were a physical creature.

What a sensible question to ask.

The guy who asked, must be an intelligent guy, a guy with a future of success.

I can answer that question, but would first like to remind everyone that many famous

and successfull persons have experienced depression. (Burton and Taylor come to mind)

Indeed it seems likely that depression is a precursor to success, even to victory, in most dramatical terms.

The late Winston Churchill himself said he had been afflicted by deep depression for much of his life.

He called it Blackdog.

Therefore I will call it that too, when considering it as the "physical creature". Most human beings can relate to the dog, and will recognise the animal as being of varying temperament according to breed. The wolf is a dog, as is the dingo. Likewise the poodle, the pekinese and the labrador.

On the one hand, we have the wild feral destructive canine, whilst on the other we have the loveable domesticated pet.

Clearly therefore, depression can be represented by the dog.(Blackdog).

It is, all dogs, merged into one.

The loveable domesticated pet today, and a destructive feral  tomorrow.

If you own a dog, you train it. If you do not do that it will not become the loveable domestic pet you may desire. It may become something different entirely. It will likely become a menace, in fact.

The first step in training the animal is to treat it in precisely the same way as you would like it to treat you.

That way, the dog will become your friend - and yes, blackdog can be that too.

In training your dog, you feed it morsels of reward, treats or titbits if you like, when it behaves/responds as you would like it to.

Blackdog is no different.

Returning to Winston Churchill, Did he win World War II ? No of course not, but he was a leader and inspirer amongst allies, perhaps guided by Blackdog, the friend.

Blackdog, is no longer my demon.

I might be again one day, and if it is, I'll just remove the cause, if I can.

My pain is now greatly reduced, because of that. I even jog a bit now, (when walking).

I have to, in order, to keep up with a friendly blackdog, which is running ahead of me. (metaphorically speaking) 

If it can be true in my case, Why not yours ?

Cheers,

Sea-n-sky.

 

[CMF]

Thx Gopal

everyone has given me some useful ideas, it's been great to hear others' ideas. I guess no one spoke to me cos I sat with my head down or looking out the window most of the time I was shutting people out I had anxiety too plus they were busy so there were others to talk to. I didn't offer any conversation like I would if I were in a better mood. Of course this morning I was thinking that I must be too boring and why would they talk to me when there are more interesting people and that they probably don't like me or find me annoying. I realise now that others pick up on our moods and react accordingly. MYbe my little black dog wasn't welcome there. Who knows, they may have thought hey, she looks a little preoccupied, we won't bother her. Tomorrow I'll try and go in there happy and see if it rubs off and how I feel afterwards. I hope I can do it. After today I've lost confidence and am very self conscious. 

[CMF]

my fav barista wasn't there today the quieter staff were on, it makes such a difference. I feel like it was a waste of time going there. they were busy so no chatting to anyone. I kept the little black dog away my daughter and I sat outside and watched the trains and birds and buses and read her book. even though I was outside the café, which is where we often sit  I could still feel the joy missing.  something eminates from this person.  its like a breath of fresh air. I can enjoy my chai but the atmosphere is not there so I feel a little flat And I come home feeling flat.

Am I am relying on this one person to cheer me up? Is this fair? does this mean I am masking my depression? covering it up? So I'm really not getting better?

[CMF]

Hmmm I think they were extra chatty because I was "becoming" a regular. Now that I AM a regular I don't need as much attention. 

Maybe I was just flattered by the attention, I felt liked. I was worth their time. We made each other laugh. Or maybe they are just busy and have their own things on their minds. 

Why is this bothering me so much?

[Gopal]

Hi, CMF, just take a deep breath before you go on reading this. Ofcourse you are giving this issue some extra attention, may be much more than what it deserves, but then also, that is what our problem is. I will tell you my experience, and this time I will tell you what is happening with me right now. I am 24 and I used to be a guy who used to be super charming, super athletic, and super motivated, people used to come in contact with me and stay that way because I used to motivate them in evry way possible. I was always hard working, and energetic. I have seen many ups and downs in my life and I have never given up in my entire life. I always had a plan to do something and I always knew, what to do next. Its not like that I never made a mistake in my life, I did, but like everybody else I told myself, that I am only human and moved on. But then suddenly came this term of my life. To be honest I didnt even know when it started, I completed my education, started my career, and right now I am at the age of 24, at the helm of my career, I work in a large mining company in mid level management with a may package best in my class. I am the most successful person in my family and everyone is happy about it. I am even most successful among my friends and ofcourse they respect me for that. THEN THE BIG QUESTION IS WHY AM I DEPRESSED? 

Let me tell you the answer....I DONT KNOW. may be this would be the answer for almost everyone writing and sharing here, they dont know. They know the event or list of events which have triggered the depression but not the reason. As for me, I blame myself for the death of my father, because that day he woke me up told me to call a doctor but I couldnt, before I could bring the doctor home, he left us. I blame myself for the misery that is my girlfriend is suffering right now, though it was all her decision to break up because her family was not up for this and after a long period almost one year of living together, she left me and went to her home. Though my mother and everyone in my family was ok with her. What to do. I did everything I could for her, and this is not something I am writing to clear my conscience but I am writing to just to tell you the picture, however, i blame myself for that. My best friend, he is ofended with me because, I misbehaved with him. though he will never understand why I did that. Noone understands friend. noone...that is the hard part..noone will understand... 

[Gopal]

Now, as I am looking at myself right now, I feel disgusted, I feel like a creature who is just breathing and not living, I understand that, anyone who has not experienced what is depression will never understnad it anyway, so friend, we have to help us. You know I tried so many things, I tried to be angry, I tried to be forgiving , I tried to be calm but nothing seems to be giving my life back, my life with all those joy and smiles, with my friends, that character of mine, that charm, that motivation, I still remember how i used to be charged up by watching a motivational video in youtube or by reading a motivational autobiography, I miss those days when I used to live for myself and for my dreams only. What i feel now is that, I sacrificed my dreams, silently, I sacrificed my life silently, I sacrificed so many things which are not material, they can not be seen or felt by the human eye, that I have become an empty basket. With nothing remaining inside me. I always wanted to live life because since the day my father died I know that, life is a one time opportunity and it is short, shorter than you think, but then I think why me? why i am fortunate enough to experience this? all the way to work I was crying, tears were running from my eyes and i couldnt control it. there was people who once used to talk to me and now they dont talk to me. In all this, I think, how many times I cry for my father? and now I am crying because someone  left me? How many times i cry for my best friend? who was with me since 4th grade? how many times I have cried for my mother who is suffering from depression since the death of my father? how many times I have cried for all those days at work when I was not up to the mark and I was consistently failing myself. how many times? I think the problem is, WE BOTHER TOO MUCH. today I am thinking that how is my girlfriend doing or how is she but in the whole day I dont even think for once whether my old lady have had her lunch or not because I think I am not worried for her, but I am worried for a girl who left me and accused me for not being there to support her? I have misbehaved with my mother when she was heavily suffering from depression adn couldnt cook, eat or walk properly, but how many times I feel guilty for those act done by me? how many times? 

forgive me for being so direc, these are something coming out my heart...and to be honest... I am asking these questions to myself... 

[Gopal]

Hi, Sea N Sky, 

I know that the word disease is a negative word, but to be honest I cant find myself in a positive platform now. I know that I am being rude and all, but friend I dont have control anymore, I am trying so hard to cop up with the work, but everytime I am trying I am failing, I am failing consistently. I can't get over the thought that I made her life miserable, and I am consistently feeling guilty over it. Sometimes it feels that I love her so much thats why I am feeling this way, and sometimes I just feel angry. That she left me, sometimes I feel sorry for her and sometimes I am feeling so lonely. I know about all those persons who have managed to tackle depression in a positive and effective way but this is not something I can do right now. I am doing eveything I can to tackle this, but no matter how much i try I am being in the same position ever. 

I mentioned in this thread that I am noting down the things which I need to address and then I will come up with a reply to all of your posts, but in that also I failed. I am failing and failing and failing. My best friends is ofended to me, because i misbehaved with him. But hw can I explain to him that, when I did that, i was in the worst shape of my life, there is noone in this world I can share my thoughts with. I am feeling hopeless, I am at office right now, so many things to do but I can't do one of them I know that my superior is going to yell at me but ... still... 

[gmc]

Hello all,

As I wrote my post and I got an error and the I lost everything I wrote, I'd have to say:

I suffer from guilt too and I am investigating it in therapy, because I feel guilt and rejection when I do things wrong, by accident or not

and

Neil, the pain is my chest is like a black hole, absorbing everything around it.

[CMF]

Hi Sean n sky

my other post is under grief separation and loss. It's called accused if infidelity. 

I think the spark has gone from my coffee shop. I knew it would. Whenever I think positive or show happiness towards something it changes. It's like a jinx. This is why I don't talk or think positively. I was hesitant to mention my little coffee shop here but I did and now the fun has gone. Yesterday was really weird there. I feel depressed just thinking about it. I can't believe the change from last week, or is it me that's changed?

[Sea-n-sky]

Hi again CMF.,

I think you may be changing and for the better.

Every day can't be an up day.

So you sat outside the last time you were at the coffee shop, and looked at the trains the busses and the birds whilst reading a book. That indicates to me that you are trying to do too many things at once. Overburdening yourself - which isn't good.

Perhaps next time you could leave the book behind at home. The staff may feel more inclined to chat to you if you do. Lets face it they wouldn't wish to disturb you or distract you from reading your book. Look at the people passing by - that can be entertaining. As for the busses trains and birds - well they too are interesting for all sorts of different reasons - maybe the placard advertising something, moving slowly, moving quickly, in which direction etc etc. The birds should provide some pleasure too, and I suggest you don't just look at them casually, be quite focused upon them, watch them closely, analyse their antics etc. etc. - that sort of thing. Become attracted to their behaviour - you'll probably laugh if you do.

Again, whilst sitting outside with that extensive panorama before you, I wonder if you might become interested in photographing the things that pass by, you may find it an interesting hobby, lots of colour, lots of action, all sorts of things.

You could even ask the staff if they would mind if you grabbed a few pics of them too - that should get their attention - break the monotony of their sometimes boring routine - it may put a bit of bounce into their lives. You would benefit too.

Nothing like a new interest, as they say. 

Worth a try, don't you think. ?

Cheers,

Sea-n-sky. 

[Sea-n-sky]

Hi Gopal,

So you are 24, you broke up with your girlfriend, you work in a mine in a middle management role, seemingly confined to an office all day, and for all I know, maybe all night if on the night shift.

Is it any wonder you are depressed.?

I'd be going to your boss/bosses and requesting a different position, at least for part of the working week. Get out there at the "coalface" so to speak - take a bit of a hands on role, drive a truck, operate a stacker / reclaimer ,  Drive a bulldozer, play with explosives, load a few trains - that sort of thing.

Do that sort of stuff for a part of your working week, cut back on the office time, be more of a flexible employee, and believe you me, you'll become a much better manager over time. A hands on guy, in the know about all aspects of the mine, not just some boffin that sits on his backside in an office all day. How depressing can that get, I wonder. ????

If they won't let you, then it's time to think about a change in vocation.

Clearly at this time you are not happy in your work. Remove yourself from that office environment for at least part of the time. That's my suggestion, for what it is worth.!!!

AND, If your boss shouts at you -- SHOUT BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Cheers,

Sea-n-sky