Depression: dog vs black dog

[Sea-n-sky]

Some guy elsewhere in this forum, asked the question "How would we describe depression if it were a physical creature.

What a sensible question to ask.

The guy who asked, must be an intelligent guy, a guy with a future of success.

I can answer that question, but would first like to remind everyone that many famous

and successfull persons have experienced depression. (Burton and Taylor come to mind)

Indeed it seems likely that depression is a precursor to success, even to victory, in most dramatical terms.

The late Winston Churchill himself said he had been afflicted by deep depression for much of his life.

He called it Blackdog.

Therefore I will call it that too, when considering it as the "physical creature". Most human beings can relate to the dog, and will recognise the animal as being of varying temperament according to breed. The wolf is a dog, as is the dingo. Likewise the poodle, the pekinese and the labrador.

On the one hand, we have the wild feral destructive canine, whilst on the other we have the loveable domesticated pet.

Clearly therefore, depression can be represented by the dog.(Blackdog).

It is, all dogs, merged into one.

The loveable domesticated pet today, and a destructive feral  tomorrow.

If you own a dog, you train it. If you do not do that it will not become the loveable domestic pet you may desire. It may become something different entirely. It will likely become a menace, in fact.

The first step in training the animal is to treat it in precisely the same way as you would like it to treat you.

That way, the dog will become your friend - and yes, blackdog can be that too.

In training your dog, you feed it morsels of reward, treats or titbits if you like, when it behaves/responds as you would like it to.

Blackdog is no different.

Returning to Winston Churchill, Did he win World War II ? No of course not, but he was a leader and inspirer amongst allies, perhaps guided by Blackdog, the friend.

Blackdog, is no longer my demon.

I might be again one day, and if it is, I'll just remove the cause, if I can.

My pain is now greatly reduced, because of that. I even jog a bit now, (when walking).

I have to, in order, to keep up with a friendly blackdog, which is running ahead of me. (metaphorically speaking) 

If it can be true in my case, Why not yours ?

Cheers,

Sea-n-sky.

 

[Neil_1]

Hi CMF

This situation remains just as awkward and tricky as ever.

I’m not sure if I’ve recommended these before, but is there any worthwhile chance of seeking out relationship counselling?

Or perhaps making out a list of pro’s and con’s for having him in your life in any capacity?

I just read that this situation has you deeply upset, getting annoyed but now I read that it’s causing you to self-doubt yourself – and let’s face it, we can do that by our own instigation – we don’t need another person being the catalyst behind this kind of thinking.

Not sure if that helps, but I hope in some way it has.

Neil

[CMF]

Hi Neil,

yes you have mentioned them before but thank you.. Well we haven't spoken since my last outburst - Thursday I think it was.  I had a depressing weeken but today I went to my little coffee shop as I do every morning.  I have met 2 ladies and some of their friends  I chatted with them today, we are all divorced and all have our own stories.  It was nice to chat.  I started painting my house months ago but as the weather has turned cold I've left it but as it was a gorgeous day today I went on a mission to complete the front fence, and I did! It's not a great job I didn't sand as it needed to be but it's done and it looks better. The nice thing was that a few neighbours were out and commented on how good it looked.  One offered some welcome advice and One in particular said I'm doing a great job.  I felt so proud of myavhievement, even if it's not perfect.  I know what I've messed up with the painting and what needs to be fixed but it was so nice to have some positive comments rather than just have the negatives pointed out which is what he does.  He always points out what's wrong I.e I didn't sand it back, the paint needs to be touched up, the letter is needs repair etc and never what's right. Anyway, it was a better day..

[Neil_1]

Hi there CMF

Thanx again for your latest response and hey, I felt good just reading your post … it was uplifting to hear about your handy work, for the lovely warm comments you received and for how not only those made you feel, but for how the finished job made you feel.

As I’m not a painter or a handy man, I can honestly say that I don’t mind doing the odd bit of painting – because you can see your ‘hopefully’ good work unfold right before your eyes.  It’s like an instant gratification for the work that you’re doing.

Not only that, but it then remains for years and years (hopefully) and each time you go past it, you can give yourself an inner pat on the back saying, “Yeah, I did that”.

And yes, as much as you can, shove all those negative comments about what he ‘might’ have said right out the window and slam it shut afterwards.

Also, that little coffee shop that you go too, does sound like a great little spot and outlet for you.

Hey, may I ask what the helpful advice was?    I’m highly likely going to be tackling painting our deck possibly (gee, get that, I said:  “highly likely” and possibly” before the sentence had even finished) this coming weekend and yes, I know it’s a matter of tidying it all up etc and then slapping the paint on and try not to get any on the inquisitive dogs and chooks who will no doubt be under my feet.

Cheers

Neil

[CMF]

Hi,

yes, every morning/afternoon when I drop off/pick up the kids I drive past slowly and say 'look at my beautiful' fence.the helpful advice was simply to put more paint on the roller as I was painting a bit thin.  I usually worry about painting too thick. I'm hoping to have some handy men come out this week to do some of the painting I cant reach and a few other jobs.  "He" keeps saying he will do it but he never does. I can't wait forever for everything.

we passed him in he street today when taking my son to the bus stop, I don't think he noticed it was us as he didn't look out way at all.it made me feel sad. I really feel for him as he tries to do so much good for others and I know he has been very sick with his anxiety for 6 months or so now but I feel so dragged down when im around him, especially the last month or so as he keeps telling me not to do this and don't say that etc.  the last 2 days I have felt better, hence the painting and cleaning ive been doing and this worries me somewhat.  it  concerns me that im happier when I don't hear from him, I feel I can deal with my life better, even though all he does is try to help. he doesn't like to be around people when he has severe anxiety because he doesn't want to expose others to the negativity he give off, especially our little one. I guess it depends on spirituality and if you believe in this sort of thing but I really feel dragged down around him, even if he just calls.

[CMF]

You know what I find interesting, he only openly displayed and spoke of his strong affection for me when he thought I cheated on him.. Before that it was kept hidden, I think he had the corage because he had a scape goat.

[Neil_1]

Hi there cmf

I think you should read your response that your sent (above the short one about his affection for you) again, about how you are feeling better without him in your life.

This is a huge positive step for you and it’s absolutely awesome that you CAN see this is the effect that happens when he’s not around.  You feel better, happier and far less stressed in your life.

He even drags you down when he calls – I’d be asking him, or no, I’d be texting him to tell him not to call.

Cmf, and I apologise for two things here;  for being a bit too honest or forthright and for also if I’ve said this also before.  Now is the time for you to move on and begin to create your new life without this guy.  You can see the hurt, the stress, the anxiety and the low levels that he causes within you whenever he’s around.  You do NOT need this – what you need is for happiness and good times and things that just roll along as smoothly as possible;   and who knows in time, you may also find someone who WILL treat you as you fully deserve and how partners/other halves SHOULD be treated in relationships.   I’m sorry for making it sound so forthright and brutal, but I fully believe it is the truth.

Make positive steps now, begin (actually I think you’ve already begun) to make things different for you and your little one and set sail for a happy future, with who knows what that might be just around the corner.

Boy oh boy, I hope I haven’t overstepped the mark here and would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[CMF]

No you haven't overstepped the mark. He just gives off such a negative energy and I wonder if it is his long term anxiety. I can't carry him when I have had so many things to deal with myself, he has to,d me he "knows" I don't care about him.  That the thing, he "knows" everything and a lot if the time he's wrong.  I don't know... I defend him and cover/make excuses for him but maybe he isn't who I thought he was, maybe what I see now is really him.  Weve been invited to a family function, I'm going to decline as I do not want to ask/tell him about it, I don't want to go together and play pretend happy families and I don't want to go on my own as I'm sure others will talk about me and ask where he is etc.

on a positive note, I found out today that I won a prize at my daughters school Mother's Day raffle  I realised I hadn't read the newsletter and when I did today -surprise, there was my name! It's a beautiful white orchid.  I've been wanting to incorporate more white into my home, less black.  Must be a symbol of something, I wonder what??? Maybe my personal growth, fresh beginnings?who knows..

[Neil_1]

Hi there Cmf

Congratulations on your wonderful surprise win – something like that can really lift the spirits, so I hope that lasts for some considerable time for you.

It could well be a sign – of positive movement forward, change in a healthy and happy way.

Everything you’ve pretty much written about this guy is 95% bad - - - 5% good is NOT good.

Damn excellent that you’ve taken that decision not to go to the family thing – but perhaps it’s something to consider in the near future, if you stay strong and keep away from this guy;   eventually people will find out, I guess.   But that’s for your own decision in your own time.

Be strong, be true to yourself and I really think, start picking up bricks and laying the foundation for your NEW and much HAPPIER future.    2015 could very well turn out to be an exciting and a year full of hope and undiscovered joys – ok, so we’re getting closer to being half way through, but hey, why not start this quest, RIGHT NOW.  🙂

Neil

[Gopal]

Hello Everyone,

I am writing in this forum after a very long time, after almost more than one year, I wrote last time in here in September, 2014 and then a series of events took place in my life that, well I am coming to that part later. First of all I am sorry friends, you all and specially CMF were so helpful and nice to me always and I stopped saying anything suddenly. Few of you may have thought about my silence. Fact is this, I entered in this forum when I was fighting a third degree depression from a unimaginable turn of events in my life. I got separated from someone I loved very much. Dont worry, she didnt die, she went to to her home and we were apart. But, after a lot of cake and water melon, in february last year, to be precise on 26th Feb, 2015 we got married !!!!!

Yes, we got married, and we are together now, about to finish a whole year of matrimony. I am and we both are very happy, apart from some little couple fights, we are doing all right. So I have one thing to say friends, NEVER LOOSE HOPE. The next day is going to be better, trust me. I am in office now so I cant be long. I will be back I promise. till then.....dont loose hope...be happy.... bye

[CMF]

Well I was on a good roll. Been painting my house feeling settled. I'm struck down with anxiety/depression now which I believe could be hormonal but of course everything is magnified. Wish I could fast forward my life 20 years bypass what's ahead. I'm 45 big mortgage 3 dependants kids. I wish I was 20 years on so that things making me anxious may not matter as much. I can't explain it all. I'm 45 care how I look, how I present myself, want to look young and healthy but feel things make me feel/look aged. In 20 years maybe I won't worry about this, won't feel the pressure. I was doing so great, hope this is hormonal and will pass. I feel really lonely too, rang my daughters dad to offer help with his place, told him I'm depressed. He tried to offer help but went on and on about things that are not the cause of my depression. I can't really talk to him anyway but it's made me feel so alone. I do hope this will pass.