Depression: dog vs black dog

[Sea-n-sky]

Some guy elsewhere in this forum, asked the question "How would we describe depression if it were a physical creature.

What a sensible question to ask.

The guy who asked, must be an intelligent guy, a guy with a future of success.

I can answer that question, but would first like to remind everyone that many famous

and successfull persons have experienced depression. (Burton and Taylor come to mind)

Indeed it seems likely that depression is a precursor to success, even to victory, in most dramatical terms.

The late Winston Churchill himself said he had been afflicted by deep depression for much of his life.

He called it Blackdog.

Therefore I will call it that too, when considering it as the "physical creature". Most human beings can relate to the dog, and will recognise the animal as being of varying temperament according to breed. The wolf is a dog, as is the dingo. Likewise the poodle, the pekinese and the labrador.

On the one hand, we have the wild feral destructive canine, whilst on the other we have the loveable domesticated pet.

Clearly therefore, depression can be represented by the dog.(Blackdog).

It is, all dogs, merged into one.

The loveable domesticated pet today, and a destructive feral  tomorrow.

If you own a dog, you train it. If you do not do that it will not become the loveable domestic pet you may desire. It may become something different entirely. It will likely become a menace, in fact.

The first step in training the animal is to treat it in precisely the same way as you would like it to treat you.

That way, the dog will become your friend - and yes, blackdog can be that too.

In training your dog, you feed it morsels of reward, treats or titbits if you like, when it behaves/responds as you would like it to.

Blackdog is no different.

Returning to Winston Churchill, Did he win World War II ? No of course not, but he was a leader and inspirer amongst allies, perhaps guided by Blackdog, the friend.

Blackdog, is no longer my demon.

I might be again one day, and if it is, I'll just remove the cause, if I can.

My pain is now greatly reduced, because of that. I even jog a bit now, (when walking).

I have to, in order, to keep up with a friendly blackdog, which is running ahead of me. (metaphorically speaking) 

If it can be true in my case, Why not yours ?

Cheers,

Sea-n-sky.

 

[Neil_1]

Hi there CMF

I’m hearing you big time, with your comment about just needing someone to listen.   🙂   (Get it:   ‘hearing you’ … needing someone to listen!)  🙂   Sometimes I just humour myself and it helps, you know.

You mentioned about not being on the same page;  and I guess that can come down to communication as well.  And you know, the old communication thing between couples is sometimes really difficult (and that’s for two people who are living together!);   so I can see why it’s difficult for you to be not on the same page, when you’re also separated.   Perhaps when things are coming up in the future and I know I’m looking a long way ahead, but say even with Easter – to get some plans set in place, so that things have been spoken about and organised and that something can happen (ie:  a get together or the like)?  

Also just wanting to ask – with your baby daughter’s dad, is there no chance for any reconciliation there to happen?  I’m just reading into your posts that there seems like a little flame is still there – but I could be way wrong.

Kind regards

Neil

[CMF]

Hi Neil,

Yep I get it 🙂

A reconciliation... I guess anything's possible.  Before he was struck down with anxiety, or just as it was starting, he did  say he wanted to be a family.  he wasn't ready earlier and we had so many issues between us but he now sees how wonderful it is.  he will always be involved in her life without a doubt but I am still very very hurt.  I don't know if I could be in a relationship with him again.  he has wrongly accused me once, whats to say he wont do it again especially as he believes that's the sort of person I am. and what if her freaks out again as he seems to do when things get serious i.e his past relationships have all been long 5-6 years and good but he never got married or engaged.  I think you know before 5-6 years if someone is right for you or not and I'm guessing he broke things off when perhaps the girls wanted to take the next step. when he wrongly accused me we were in a great place so why do that. why not discuss things with me before you believe its too late as he did. I think it was his way of subconcioulsy finding a way out. after the accusations and my false admission he said he never felt for anyone the way he felt for me, hat he waited all his life to feel like this.  I think these feelings scared him as he destroyed it overnight.  claims he new for months 'what I was doing' but never said anything because he couldn't stop it - seriously???

Anyway, you're not completely wrong, I just don't know if I can go down that path again. the spark is lost, we cant communicate (well I can't).  I feel completely shut down.

[Neil_1]

Hi there CMF

Thank you for your latest post.

Very tricky situation and thank you for expanding further on it.    Again I will say that we’re always (well pretty much) here, and whenever you feel like posting or unloading, please do.  I just feel that the latest isn’t something that I should be commenting on or would feel comfortable on commenting on – as only you truly know all the ‘ins and outs’ of this.  But please don’t feel that I’m washing my hands of you, so on other subjects, I’m only too happy to respond on.   As you’ve said before, writing is good, as you know at least someone is listening (or reading).

Kind regards

Neil

[CMF]

Thanks Neil,

Yes it is tricky and something anyone else can fix. its something we need to sort if and when he time is right.

In the mean time I will continue to write here if I feel I need to.  

Thanks

CMF 

[CMF]

sorry meant to say NOT something anyone else can fix

[CMF]

so my ex husband was at it again tonight. the kids were with him for dinner. my daughter was annoyed at him for being a little, he turned this into an attack on me saying she was upset because he didnt text to say he'd be late and that I shouldn't tell them he didn't text. Seriously??? hr made a bid point a few weeks ago in front of the kids and his girlfriend that he likes to text me to be respectful, but a ot pof the time he doesnt. he sent me a long long text as he does saying that im trying to turn them against him  and that im jealous of his new girlfriend and I should move on etc.. he claims my daughter said it bothers me when I see the girlfiends car at his place.  when I asked the kids what was said they told me he accused THEM of being jealous. he thinks we are all stupid, we se the act he puts on in front of her.

Anyway my anxiety is back

[CMF]

What a bad week, argument with the store manager in a supermarket as there were no bags at all his suggestion to help were obviously useless as I had my daughter in the pram and somehow I wasn't being helpful enough for him??? Abused on the road by a man you felt the need to stop next to me when I pulled over and tell me to watch what I was doing when I did a u turn with heaps of time but he was obviously driving fast and didn't want to slow down. Would he have abused me had I been a male or elderly person? Today I told my daughters father that sometimes his comments cause me anxiety and he flew right off the handle said I only speak to Critsize him. He took it very personally, I thought we were meant to open with how we were feeling? It smoothed over but I don't feel I can be honest and open so I'm trapped.  I've cried a lot this afternoon..

[CMF]

Well another depressing Mother's Day. We were meant to go out for lunch with my baby daughters family but of course he and I had a disagreement Friday and I just feel I  don't want to be around him and he wouldn't want me there.  I was very abrupt with him on the phone Friday as I often can be, I admit it. I didn't mean to be he caught me in a bad moment he doesn't see that he is sometimes abrupt claims he is never like that. So the tension rises we seem to never be able to enjoy a meal together. He keeps telling me what to do, don't respond when the little one carries on, don't let win al the time, don't feed her this, don't give her that.  For crying out loud I'm not a puppet and will not be constantly controlled. He has no idea what it's like to raise 3 kids on my own and struggle financially week to week.  So I spent it on my own with my little one. He Texted me to ask if was coming to lunch, not even a "happy Mother's Day". I had to say no.  I have so much pressure on me. Does every day have to be so crappy? Do I always have to feel depressed and down when I'm around him? I can be having a good day and his presence drags me down. Is it the negativity he feels due to his anxiety? Is it the sadness I feel over our destroyed relationship? Am I just better on my own? Can I really not enjoy being in his company?

[Neil_1]

Hi there CMF

I’d like to wish you a belated “Happy Mother’s Day” for yesterday – I realise it probably wasn’t the kind of one you were hoping for, but at this point in time, things are very tough for you.  I’m prepared to bet you that it definitely won’t always be this way.

You’ve raised some interesting questions at the bottom of your post – and you know that most of them relate to sadness, negativity, anxiety, depression AND the other key component to it all is “him”.  And we know who “him” is.

I could have a lash at answering your questions, but I think you were just thinking aloud and perhaps that you already know the answers.  But just reading through everything, the situation kind of seems to remain the same and I suspect that this will continue on this vicious cycle for as long as he remains to be having contact with you.

I do hope that your children are doing well and I’ll bet that your baby daughter is a real cutie.

Kind regards

Neil

[CMF]

Thanks Neil,

yes I am just thinking out loud.  He can be a wonderful person but his anxiety which has gone on for over 6 months now how changed him and I understand that  what I can't deal with is him constantly telling me what to say and what do Not not do - with everything  I totally lost it yesterday. He keeps saying he will help with painting and repairs around my house but never does, he works 6 days a week sometimes so I don't ask for help but when I rang a handyman for a quote he said "what for, I'll do it " its been 3 months I'm still waiting. He looked at a townhouse with me I have reservation about buying because I haven't sold yet, I don't know if my kids are changing school etc I'm afrId settlements won't tune in and it will all go wrong and he tells me I'm worrying about silly things.  Really? We agreed what I should put to the agent  In terms of an offer, it was refused as I expected and he went off at me saying why did I speak to the agent why didn't I let him do it in the end he said "fine you wanted to do it yourself"  seriously what difference does it make, they were not going to accept the offer, I knew that.  He seems to think that he could magically get them to accept. I told him I was going to ring, he didn't offer to do it so I did it.  I try not to ask anything if him as I know he has constant anxiety and don't want to add more to what he is dealing with but the last month or so he us constantly telling me what to say and do and how to do it ans several times the info he has given me has been completely wrong.

I didn't  realise I was such a useless human being that needs to be told and corrected on how to do and say everything.