dear Bonnie, I'd like to welcome you to the site and I know that it may seem to be very confronting when you decide that you want to post, but please never feel that way here, because each one of us has gone through or are still going through this terrible illness, so we know how you feel.
Two years is a long time to suffer all by yourself, not knowing what you can do nor asking the question why should I feel like this, and again this no different to how all of us have felt.
Is this special doctor a psychologist or a psychiatrist and has your doctor prescribe any antidepressants (AD) to try and help you, and if so have you had any trouble with this medication.
I do understand that you may feel scared, because what it means is that you have to try and talk about your problems with someone you haven't met before, but these guys are experienced in dealing with this, and it may take a couple of sessions to get yourself established so that you feel comfortable talking with them, so to begin with just take it slowly, and by crying is quite typical for someone who is depressed from any type of this illness.
I do remember my first few visits to my psychologist and all I did was cry.
Your doctor can put you on a mental health plan which will give you 10 free visits to see a psychologist, while some psychiatrists do bulk bill, but not all of them.
Your post is very important to all of us and I hope that you can trust us in giving you advice, any suggestions and certainly help, plus an ear to listen to what you want to say, so it would be great to hear back from you. Geoff. x
