Depressed and possible ED

[Lee8523]

Hi there

It is my first time here and I wanted to reach out anonymously because I'm struggling and feel like I need validation. 

I visited my GP a week ago where I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety and prescribed medication. I am on a 6 week wait to see a Psychologist.

I took one tablet and the next day I woke witha dry mouth and throat and felt completely sedated. I hardly got through the day at work and decided not to take it again. I am going back to see if another medication is a better option. Has anyone had experience with taking anti-depressants?

I explained to the doctor that I am extremely fearful of gaining weight and I dont really eat right. She didnt ask anymore questions.

If something happens that I get really upset or triggered by I will become emotional and cry and then restrict my eating to punish myself. If I eat too much I will then skip meals or eat very little/low calories to balance myself out. I hate that i do this because I love food but I feel like I don't deserve to eat and use this as a way to control how I feel or situations. Last night i gave in and ate dinner, then had pretzels, ice cream and a hot berry pie and felt like a disgusting pig and was mean to myself.

I don't think anyone will take me seriously enough because I am not underweight. Comments are made at work sometimes on what i am eating as sometimes It's just a can of no sugar coke or a piece of fruit. I just wish people could understand but I feel like a fool explaining it. 

I feel like I am doing ok 30% of the time so why even bother seek therapy over these things, I should be doing better and just move on.

[Croix]

Dear 8523~

Welcome here to the Forum. A good move on your part as talking with others may give you a fresh perspective.

First in relation to that medication, it is an excellent idea to talk over reactions with your prescribing GP. It may be they are to be expected until you become used to them, on the other hand things may need adjusting, after all everyone is different.

To take you last statement , that 30% of your life is OK, well first of all it does not sound like it, and even if true that still means things are not right 2/3rds of the time, so getting assistance rahter than just enduring, is most appropriate. Life has to be better.

I tried to soldier on alone for far too long, I simply got worse until things got so bad I eventually went and sought help, and that is when things slowly started to improve (I did go though a large range of meds to find what suited me, it takes pacience)

Having such difficulty eating is a most miserable way to be, and you deserve better. Can I suggest, if you have not done so already, to contact the Butterfly Foundation, who are experts in eating  problems. They have phone, chat and email from 8am to midnight every day to tall with an experienced friendly person, and also have a wealth of information you can read or view. An excellent resource.

You do not have to explain to others at work, some may understand but the ones that don't and trivialize the matter do a lot of harm. I hated peole who made pseudo-helpful suggestins and comments that only showed how little they understood and how far removed I was from them -a lonely place to be.

You sound a lovely and sensitive person, and struggling basically by yourself is extra hard. Punishing yourself becuse of the way you need to eat is a habit best to try to avoid, it makes you believe even more you are a lesser person - which is very far from the truth.

I really hope you would like to come back and talk some more.

Croix

[Bookgirl]

Hi, my son has been treated for an ED for the past year.  What i have learnt is that most of the people with an ED don't look anorexic at all. I have met a dr who didn't realise his daughter had an issue at all until her heartbeat was so low she needed to be on a heart monitor. My son was the same.  He had to be hospitalised for 3 weeks.

I also know that you will be a very sensitive soul and really need help.  My son's GP didn't believe me about the eating disorder and when a nutritionist told me to get his heart checked, the GP didn't want to do it and said his BMI was fine.  But his mental health was not fine and we found out later he would punish himself by exercising excessively.

It is wonderful that you realise you have a problem. That is the first step.  Please don't give up on the medication. It has helped my son.  Push to get the help that you need. If you have a family member or friend who can support you talk to them too.  You will be surprised how many people are struggling with this disorder and understand what you are going through.

My son is so much better now but its a long journey.  But you have taken the first steps so please keep going.