I've been on antidepressants for about a year, and they've hugely improved my life in many ways. One way is they saved me from pointless and stressful routines.
Before I started taking antidepressants, there were certain things I used to force myself to do every day. Some because they were good for me, some because they were sometimes fun. But it was very difficult and stressful, and often not fun. And finding the time to do it was often the hardest part, it often left me with not much free time, and I often had to sacrifice more important things. Sorry for being so vague, I'm a very closed person.
Then I started taking antidepressants, and they slowly began to relax me. I started to realise how stupid and pointless some of those things were, and slowly began toning them down. And it made my life so much more fun.
But now I think they've gone too far. They've made me bizarrely lazy. I've pretty much completely abandoned all my hobbies. I spend pretty much all day just laying in bed, doing boring and pointless things on my laptop. I've also abandoned some things that aren't fun, but are essential. For example, I don't brush my teeth much these days. It's funny how this is often a symptom of depression, yet for me it's the complete opposite.
This probably sounds like a conscious decision, and I suppose it technically is, but it really feels like it isn't. I really want to do more, but there's just something stopping me. I've tried to convince myself to just force myself, but it's a lot easier said than done. I suppose it's kinda like the way an addict tries to force themself to quit whatever they're addicted to, but simply doesn't have the capacity. So I guess you could sort of say I'm addicted to doing absolutely nothing.
I'll never stop taking antidepressants without my doctor telling me to, because I know that would be very stupid, but it's becoming tempting. Right now, I actually think my life before I started taking them was much better than it is now. My depression was mild, and I sometimes had fun. Now I have hardly any fun, I'm incredibly bored almost every second of every day. What I'd like is a middle ground between my life now and my life before antidepressants, but that seems impossible. I used to have that, but like I said, the antidepressants pushed it too far. Does anyone have any advice?
