Confused and rattled

[rat17]

A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD (I think this is what its called) anyway at first I could not accept it, took 18 months for me to absorb, reject and fight. Now I feel im in a world of my own. I feel people don't understand what I say, lost within myself. Some days I go a million miles to the dozen others I struggle to motivate. it is such a roller coaster. I thought I hit rock bottom when I was diagnosed until a couple of weeks ago I was hospitalized due to a suicide attempt. Now I don't feel like im bouncing back, trapped. When I talk to my family its like watching there face go here we go again . Im just lost.....


beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[White_Rose]

Dear Rat (Can we have a nicer name?)

I am so pleased you have come to Beyond Blue and welcome to the site. The people who post here are very helpful so I hope you will continue to post.

Thank you for trusting us with your story. These things are very hard to live with and others very rarely understand your problems because they have never experienced it before. So please do not be too hard on your family. Instead explore the tabs at the top of the page, especially the fact sheets relating to depression. BB will sent all the information you ask for, including information for family and friends.  They may then get more of an idea of your difficulties and become more supportive.

In the meantime, do you have professional help for your depression and PTSD?  If not then please see your GP as a first step. He/she will be able to refer you to an appropriate person.

However, as you have in the hospital system you may already have been referred to someone. If you feel you are going to harm yourself again please phone the BB help line 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 1114.

The roller coaster ride you describe is, unfortunately, very common for those who have a depressive illness. Not being understood, feeling lost, mind spinning with thoughts and being completely unmotivated to do anything are the things we struggle with. And the person who discovers why will make fortune.

I know it is not very helpful to you know others feel as you do. At the moment all you want is for the pain to stop and for you to become what is seen as 'normal'. And the pain is horrible. All I can offer at the moment is to suggest that you try not to think too far ahead. An hour or two hours. What are you going to do in that time? Then the next block of time. It does help to block out the enormity of your illness and keep it to manageable bits.

Another suggestion is to have small activities ready so that you can go to these when the feelings get really bad. A sort of diversionary therapy. Again that can help.

I have no words to give you huge comfort in your struggle only a promise that I will be here to read your posts and reply as will others who use this site. Please take heart that you can get through this with help.

I would love to give you a big hug but as I cannot do this in person I am sending a cyber hug. Please take care. Write soon.

Warm regards

Mary

[white knight]

Hi Rat17, welcome to beyond Blue forums

Ok, you are realising you are very well alone with depression, a realisation most of us feel.

Please search and read the threads

Threads on Beyond Blue forums that could help are

- Depression- a ship on the high seas

-  When all is lost - what can you do? Be radical  

- What life can be like at the end of the tunnel

- DEPRESSION - is there any positive?

There are many threads and posts that can guide you. But broadly the steps are-  understanding the illness, accepting the illness is likely lifelong, that it is a case of best management practices rather than searching for a cure, that it takes a mix of many things to manage effectively like meds, therapy, etc, accepting other people will likely not understand and worse still wont try to.

Take care.     Tony WK