Confused an feel alone

[Andrew_W]

This is my first time on hear as only really looked in to beyond blue today as trying to find answers an opening up. I am a shy person that’s finds its hard to talk about my feeling face to face to people. I am married with two young beautiful boys who mean the world to me. I own my own business as a builder an am very successful in what I do as I am a very hard worker. That’s just the way I have been brought up. The problem is that unless I’m at work busting my arse an keeping busy I feel really down an have no motivation or energy. I’ve been like this now for a long time an I feel really guilty when I carnt give the boys or my wife the energy that I give to work. Please don’t take this the wrong way as I am not a bad person but I found having small amounts of drugs(meth) when I’m at my lowest point really helps me. Its like it just brings me out of that dark deep hole that I get stuck in. I now down deep that this is wrong but it make every happy when I’m happy. An that make me happy. It could be once every 2 month or 3 months but I no it’s not the right things to do. I’ve herd so many bad stories about anti depressants as I long term damage. Don’t get me wrong I now having the other is probably worse but it’s long time between. I guess I’m at the stage for some good advice as I don’t really want any drugs prescription or not. I am very strong headed when it comes to taking drugs so I no it’s not going to become a addicting as I have so much pride it my family an what I have accomplished in life. I actually feel beta just saying this on this page with out people looking down on me an making me feeling worthless. Thanks

[smallwolf]

Hi Andrew,

welcome to beyond blue.

I was stuck which part of your post to reply to so if my post is in some sort of random order, blame it on me.

Now I first noticed you mentioned the bad stories about ADs. I have tried 3 different medications. The side effects of the first ones I was on were not great, but the third one is working as well as it should. That is, while not 100% better, it does what it should in regards to anxiety and depression. I guess that provided you have a good relationship with your GP or psychiatrist you will work out what medication works best for you.

I was/am a bit of a workaholic myself until a couple of years ago when everything went south for me. This is a trait I would have picked from my parents. And as you said in your post, and to a degree now, I don't really have much interest in lots of things, although some days are better than others and vice versa. It has been only though regular sessions with a psychologist that I have been able to get from where I was to where I am now.

I am not really sure what sort of the advice you are looking for, and to be honest, that is not my style. I will listen to (/read) your story, and respond as appropriate. Sometimes it just good to have a space to get things off your chest.If you are unsure, there is a anxiety and depression checklist on the beyond blue web site you could look at. There are only 10 questions, and then you get a score and recommendation.

Lastly, nobody here will look down on you. This is a supportive community space and also non-judgemental.

Tim

[Andrew_W]

Thanks. It just feels so much better to let things out with out being judged. I did depression test an it said I have severed depression. I have booked it to see GP to see if that helps. Can only try I guess.

[smallwolf]

You could take your post with you if it would help.

I assume/hope that you booked a long appointment? There are forms the GP has to fill out and will give you a similar test to the K10 to complete. There is nothing you should be embarrassed or ashamed about. If you had a broken you would seek help. The same applies to your mind.You are doing the right thing.

If you have any questions, please feel free to post and I or someone else will reply.

Tim

[Andrew_W]

Thanks Tim.

[From_Me_To_You]

Hey Andrew,

This is something I experience quite often as well. The down-times when you're not doing something feels empty and draining, almost as if your past fatigue and tiredness caught up to you.

I believe this type of issue becomes most difficult when the work-life balance tips too far over to work. Slowly pushing some focus and energy back into my personal life was what helped me. This doesn't necessarily mean you must go on day trips with your family or anything like that! Small steps, such as cooking dinner together with your family, enjoying a night time movie session, calming yourself down with a good book/TV show, etc. I believe an important step is to accept that it's ok to not do anything.

With regards to your fears of antidepressants; they help. While they do come with a plethora of potential side effects, they are still more helpful than they are harmful!

There is nothing beta about coming out to say this. Overcoming one's own pride and admitting weakness is, potentially, one of the manliest things one can do. There's a sense of irony with manliness and acknowledging weakness, but is overcoming challenges what makes one alpha?

-Brandon