Comfort eating, drinking vicious cycle

[BeforeCare]

Ive gained over 30kg in 3 yrs.

I've been depressed, medicated, therapy etc.All after horrid workplace experiences, time off and stressors relating to that. Then not dealing with the issues I was hiding under the carpet at home which has since been talked about with marriage counselling and I feel that's okay now.

In the last 2 years I've had anxiety, and apparently all my recent medical concerns (shortness of breath when walking, palpatations (which are 'harmless' ventricular ectopics an average of 5 per hour) and chest pain are all just anxiety. (confirmed recently after having heart/chest tests)

So I can't really identify stress or anxiety now but I'm still not in a good place

I cry almost daily. I hate my reflection, the way I look and feel now.

I've been talking with a psychologist monthly, it's only telehealth, I'm not really sure the point of it. I've met some goals like going back to work and dealing with annoyances, I've stopped the medication prescribed when I was at my worse (that I was blaming for my weight gain) but I've since gained another 7kg

I need help with

a) comfort eating (today it was a box of shapes I bought to share, not even my favourite flavour, sometimes it'll be the cooking chocolate, or even just toast, I just binge eat then feel crap. I do this with wine too (I have alcoholism in my family but I can go several nights in a row without)

B) motivation to exercise, I can't believe a whole week had gone by again, so I'm only excericing once a week. When I was at a healthy weight I was doing 4-5sessions per week and felt so much better

Obviously overeating and not excersing has contributed to my weight gain, I'm now in the tripple digits

is this why I'm feeling so depressed?

Im having such negative thinking creeping up on me again.

Im not sleeping. But I was told 5hrs is fine. I just can't switch myself off. If I do go to bed early I won't sleep, psychologist has taked about strategoes but I cant get them to work in my head. Its like I dont have the cocentration, Unless I'm.fully dozing, late at night (or a bottle of wine, that gets me to sleep)

What can't I just do it? I don't want to keep feeling this way, it's like long term self harm. My parents and sisters have had weight loss surgery but I wouldn't be ready for that as I'd probably cheat it anyway, I need to start in my head.

What can a psychologist do to help? at almost $200 for a phone call, I don't feel like I'm getting answers or help, is not helping but I need help

[geoff]

Hello BeforeCare, an interesting comment.

Firstly are you able to go back to your doctor and have the medication reviewed as some do have side effects that affect some people but not others, like wise it may work for another person but not you and know that I had to try at least 6 or more before the one that I'm still taking does the job.

It's unfortunate that sometimes our problems just go around in cycles, gaining speed as it circulates, which makes it more difficult to know where to start and one day may be completely different than yesterday, this only confuses us.

I can't tell you off for drinking, because I self medicated with it myself, and there are so many definitions of who is an alcoholic, everyone has their own description that differs from one another, so I'm not going to make that decision.

If you have stomach surgery I'm not sure you will cheat, when your tummy is full you can't eat anymore.

I have to go and will continue, but paying $200 to talk to a psychologist who isn't doing much, I'm sure there are other resources out there for you to contact.

Hope you can get back before I come back.

Geoff.

[TunnelVision]

Hi there BeforeCare. I can relate to a lot of what you have written, I do a lot of the same things as you around the bingeing of food and alcohol too.

I can tell you for sure that the palpitations (which I get off and on) can be related to your food and alcohol intake as well. I was drinking for a while to self-medicate. Not a huge amount, but steady. I gave up for a while and hey presto the palpitations ceased. I was clean a couple of months then started with a glass here, a glass there then was back to my old habits of steady drinking and the palpitations were back.

The other thing is alcohol might help you to get to sleep but it's not good quality sleep. Also, if you are bingeing carbs and sugary foods at night that will also impact your sleep as well because your body is converting that food to energy and wanting you to use it and hence keep you awake.

With the motivation to exercise, sometimes you need something outside of yourself to keep you motivated/accountable. I don't know what exercise you are doing to keep fit but would it work to do it with someone else? Eg, if you are going for a walk, arrange to do that walk with someone else so it is harder to back out.

[therising]

Hi BeforeCare

The quest to know yourself better begins with a heck of a lot of questions. If you're asking a lot of questions, you know you're on the right path toward gaining greater clarity. In my opinion and from my own experience, to not question our self leads us nowhere. I should add, it can definitely become depressing when we're stuck with so many questions and no answers.

I hope you don't mind if I get back to you a bit later, for further discussion. I was just about to get ready to take my son to school when I came across your thread and I didn't want to lose it. I can feel your disappointment and frustration and I feel that's something you shouldn't have to manage alone. I see you already have some great support here, something you truly deserve.

🙂

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi BeforeCare,

I'm sorry to hear how much you are struggling and I'm glad that you've been able to share what's going on for you. It sounds like it's been really hard and even though your marriage is okay and you're going back to work, you don't seem overly satisfied with them.

I can relate to what you're going through, as I have major tendencies to comfort eat, not exercise and feel ashamed about the way I look which just keeps the cycle going. I also have some medical issues which makes things hard too so it's really not easy to cope with.

The biggest thing that's helped me that might help you too is self-compassion. It's foreign and extremely hard to be kind to yourself, but it's the missing piece. Maybe that could start with wearing some comfortable clothes (as from experience wearing tight ones already make me feel crap), or finding some things that you enjoy that aren't food related, or instead of pushing yourself to exercise 5 sessions a week, just seeing what it feels like to stretch your toes a bit.

I also wonder if it's worth having a chat to your psychologist;- either letting them know how you feel and see if they can change tactics or finding another that's a better fit. Also sidenote: I'm hoping that you have used all the sessions from your Mental Health Care Plan and extra COVID rebates as well?

I hope this helps a little. You are so not alone in this.

rt

[BeforeCare]

Thanks for your replies.

I had a walk today and will eat breakfast soon.

The wine and bad food makes sense of a cause for palpatations, I'm poisoning myself. I had a GP tell me recently that every time I go to McDonald's I'm killing myself, unfortunately it hasnt stopped me going there. Im trying other ways to avoid takeaways, I ferl like I am trying and trying to do all the "right things" then fall in a heap and binge out

Everything just takes so long (I suppose sitting on my phone isn't helping get anything done either)

I try to tell myself to love myself/self compassion but in the back of my mind I can't, it's this niggling voice telling me I dont deserve it, reminding me of all the bad, the guilt, I suppose I don't really get the self compassion thing, I understand it but writing this I'm understanding I'm not that good at it

I know in the back of my mind it should be another visit to GP but their last suggestions were medications again and it feels lile it was a stuggle to get off them (although I jave been meeding the "as needed" meds more often lately

Oh and to correct, when I say almost $200 a session, I do get money back from Medicare due to the mental health care plan so maybe it's only $70 of my money..I suppose the point is, if I'm going to keep (which I know I need) psychology sessions, what can I do or work on to actually help me?

[BeforeCare]

Oh yeah, about the satisfaction thing. That's something my psychologist mentioned a couple times, like how I've earnt what I am and where I am and to look forward to the good things that are coming. (Like a new house) At the same time, sometimes I just let the marriage things go. I'm not being abused and we are working on the mutual respect thing, I speak up more now and cant blame him for my misery.

The thing is, I am still so disappointed with myself. I'm not working at the level I'm qualified for, which will likely lead to having my qualification being outdated. I'm not up to working at that level now either, so its not something I can just problem solve myself

I know everything I do has impacts on my children watching me. My mother would just lie in bed and read on her days off and we wouldn't do fun things together. When my Dad was home we never really talked, he did his own thing. I'm turning into my parents and I don't like that. I had always made a point of helping out at their schools, making their lunches/afternoon teas but that all stopped with Covid 19/ school lockdowns, oh and we all relocated so I just haven't had any involvement with the schools.

I want to do fun and memorable things with my children. I feel like I just tell them to go away (when I'm not feeding them or telling them to do their chores) alot of the time, they watch too much TV or as they're getting older just dont want to be here at home, which I dont blame them.

I dont really have friends that I can talk to. I've lost the confidence and the way I am now, Im not really a fun person to be around.

[therising]

Hi BeforeCare

One of the things I've found most helpful is to know I'm a sensitive gal. This is where the internal dialogue can go from 'What's wrong with me?' to 'What am I sensitive to, right now?' or 'What am I sensing is wrong or off, mentally, physically or soulfully?' While I've been accused of playing with words, I've learned that managing to stay out of depression does at times involve some word play. Words can shift perspective in some cases, opening the mind while in search of clarity.

I think most of us are typically raised to believe food is just food and nothing more. It's something you eat and enjoy and that's pretty much it. A dietician, a psychologist (who deals in 'mood and food', which is worth looking into), a chemist and a quantum physicist will say there's far more to it than that. How food creates the right chemical reactions in the body (especially in the gut) is significant when it comes to how we function. How the right chemical reactions go on to generate the right energy is also significant. When the chemistry in alcohol mixes with the chemistry in our body, it can definitely become mind altering even when we're sober the next day. We can feel that depressing chemistry at play messing with us. A lot of people who manage depression won't drink for this reason.

Quality sleep is a massive factor in energy restoration. Having sleep apnea, I've found an ongoing lack of quality sleep to be seriously debilitating and depressing in the past. Can recall when first seeing someone for sleep apnea, expressing to them how I'd become an obessive eater. It really was seriously obesssive and incredibly unhealthy. She told me most of her clients were either obsessive eaters (of high sugar foods especially) or obsessive caffeine drinkers. She mentioned if the body can't gain energy through restorative sleep, it will look for it in any way it can get it. The body's incredibly intelligent and efficient. Serious food cravings can actually be serious energy cravings.

We can be 'emotional eaters', looking for joyful chemical hits as well as a natural sense of joy, and 'energy eaters' at the same time, sometimes doubling up on consumption.

From a natural perspective, if we're naturally energetic creatures who naturally 'charge up' through natural energy resources, we can be sensitive enough to feel our self as 'a flat battery' desperate to be 'in charge', in more ways than one. Can you feel yourself trying to function on seriously low energy levels?