Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

[Chicken_Wings]

It’s been a while since I’ve had an episode of depression. This latest one has been a doozy.

Ive been seeing my psychologist about my depression and anxiety all year so far and I mentioned something to her today which I wondered “does anyone else feel this way?”.

What I have noticed is that after I have been depressed for some time, crying constantly, being really on edge and touchy, there comes a point where I don’t feel anything. It might just be for a day.

When I feel this way I almost miss being depressed, because the feeling of crying is cathartic. It’s comforting and I know it. It’s a release for what goes on in my head.

But not feeling, not crying feels strange and in that moment I miss being depressed.

This seems to happen every time I have an episode st some point or another.

Does this happen to anyone else?

[quirkywords]

Chicken Wings,

What exactly about being depressed do you miss? Is it that it is so familiar you miss the routine of it but not the pain and suffering? .

Quirky

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Quirky,

Maybe it’s the release of emotion?

Or just having emotions?

I can’t say for sure. If I could alternatively feel overwhelming happiness that would be great. But instead I just feel nothing.

[Winterz]

I think I get you. You would prefer to at least feel something rather just complete nothingness, emptiness?? Something like that? 'Feelings emptiness is the worst in my opinion.

[NewHope]

Hello, Chicken Wings.

I understand, I believe, where you are coming from.

Sometimes I go numb, just going through the motions of a daily routine but not connecting with anything or anyone. I do not like it either, I worry that perhaps its a sign I am giving up on myself but that's not a healthy way to think.

I'd rather cry because when you do you tend to feel better after getting all the frustration and sadness out. When you cry you can distract yourself from situations around you, you can get tissues or put on music, you can do something to deal with the snot running down your face. When you are numb, its harder to shake yourself out of that mindset because there is nothing there to deal with or any rituals associated with it, like wiping a nose or curling under a blanket.

Just remember, even when you are not crying, it doesn't mean you are not depressed. Maybe when you feel that way you can find any way to express it, go for a walk, paint something, come on here and just ramble and in doing that maybe you can get that same cathartic release?

Good luck with your journey.

[IsaJett]

Hi Chicken Wings..

thanks for sharing and that is very funny...cos I had that happen to me too. I was smiling from ear to ear and was totally in the moment with whatever I was doing and just like a damm school kid again. But I don't miss being depressed at all. Man I give anything to feel that way all the time. But that was me being happy and that indicated to me that I can be happy ...if only I allow myself the permission to be happy ...to not live in the damm past...cos thats what i had been doing. I kept playing the past in my head over and over again like as if the pain was not enough once ...then I have to keep jabbing myself with the same hurt.

So now I look towards the future...and embrace the new me ...the new adventures...I hope that makes sense.

I think that is just us recovering and healing and its definitely a very positive step in the right direction and hopefully more to come .

Hope this helps...lol keep smiling

when you are smiling for no reason at all..you know you are in a good headspace. 🙂

[Determined1]

I’m hoping that is a feeling of recovery. I feel the numbness and loneliness these days, which is so scary. I wish I knew what that meant..

[PamelaR]

Gidday ChickenWings

I've seen your posts around the thread, but this is the first time I've posted on your thread.

I've suffered from anxiety and depressions for a good 50 odd years, however, it was only diagnosed 7-8 years ago.

What I've learnt through the pst 20-30 years is - I become 'disassociated' (disassociation) - i.e. I feel nothing, I think nothing, I just 'am' with no feelings etc. That particular space has been tremendously frightening, so in some ways, I think I know what you are going through. It's awful. in the days that I experienced the disassociation, I never sought help from a therapist. My thoughts are it's important to tell everything to the person trying to help you. The only way they can do that is if you speak about what's happening in your life.

Kind regards

Pammy

[IsaJett]

Hey Determined

What exactly do you feel?? Can you explain further the emptiness and numbness you feel? I like to help you if I can.

Hope to hear from you soon 🙂

[Determined1]

Hey Isabel 👋

I feel I’ve come a long way from the consecutive days I used to spend in bed. I do all I can to feel better and recover, although for the past few months (I don’t know if this is connected to coming off AD’s) but I feel disconnected from my surroundings. Eg: I drive to work and for part of the drive I’ll feel in control and aware, and then the other half I feel like I’m in a dream and I’ll question myself as to whether I’m really in the car driving. The same thing happens at work. I do notice though that when I’m engaged in an activity or conversation I feel connected.. then when times are quiet I’ll feel like I’m in a dream. Maybe I’ve felt this in the past and never acknowledged it.. but now it’s pretty constant. I’ll feel empty without emotion, like nothing feels exciting or good. I’m glad I’ve been diagnosed (finally) with depression so I know what tools to use to get better, but in times like this I don’t feel as hopeful.

I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this which is some relief but yes it’s so scary!