Can't find a reason to keep going

[Guest_39895792]

 Don't want to keep going anymore.  Can't believe I went through all of the sign up to end up here.  Oh well.   Its in writing now.  I guess it's no longer just a thought....I am so damn weak and defective.

[Bella78]

Good evening,

I am touched by your post.

I pray that U R safe, pls seek help.

I encourage you to speak to a medical professional(s).

Have a blessed evening.

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at such an incredibly challenging time in your life.

While I've been accused of 'playing with words', I think there are times where we have to play around with them so as to alter our perspective or make better sense of how we're feeling things. While 'I don't know how to live' can be a depressing statement, it can also be a fair and revealing statement. 'I really don't know how to do it anymore' can be an incredibly honest statement. If there's one key thing I've learned over the years (when it comes to managing depressions in life) it's this...there are times where I just can't do life without a really good guide or set of guides. The variety of guides out there can be extensive, so knowing which one/s to pick can be challenging. There can be psychological guides, more soulful types, guides for physical issues (such as chemical imbalances or medical conditions), financial guides, life coaches and the list goes on. They're not just the person or people who can provide us with a sense of direction but they're also those who can help shed light on what our struggles can really be about, perhaps on a deeper level in some cases.

Again, taking words and reforming them to be more revealing, I can relate to the words 'weak' and 'defective'. I'm wondering whether it would be true to say you're 'exhausted' and 'incredibly unique in how you work'. Myself, I'm a 54yo gal who's not typical when it comes to how I experience life. I feel or sense life in intense ways at times. You could say I'm a 'feeler' or a 'sensitive'. Being such, it's natural that I'm going to feel or sense so much. How to do this like a pro would have to be the ultimate challenge. When I say at times 'I just want to feel better' what I mean is I want to be able to sense in better and more accurate ways. For example,

If I'm feeling something's depressing me, I want to be able to gain a better sense of whether it's a person in my life who's bringing me down or whether what's depressing me is perhaps a lack of the right types of people who could be raising me (if I had them in my life). If I was to come to my senses more, I might be able to feel it as being a combination of both factors. Could what's bringing me down not simply be my thoughts but, more precisely, relate to my inner dialogue? Even more specifically, could it be my 'inner critic' or 'inner pessimist' chatting away up there in my head and I'm believing the whole depressing story they're telling me?

I believe that when life becomes an incredibly painful experience, we can jump to the conclusion that we're defective in some way or in a number of ways. I also believe the truth to be we may not have not worked our self out yet. With each significant revelation, a typical statement follows: 'So that's how I work. No wonder I've been struggling so much! It makes absolute sense'. Personally, it took me some decades to work out that one of the reasons I'm here in this world is to work out who I am and how I tick. In the process so far, I have been amazed, deeply depressed, truly stunned at times, stressed/anxious, curious, full of wonder (aka 'wonderful') and even excited. Working our self out is, without a doubt, a truly emotional experience.

[Merricat]

Hi

It's hard isn't it.  "Don't want to keep going anymore", but somehow most of us do.  That's not being defective and weak, that's just the logical part of your brain telling you not to give up.  When we feel overwhelmed and stressed we have a tendency to continue beating ourselves up like we deserve it.  

I don't know the answer but I'm speaking more and more to Lifeline Crisis especially about the chronic bullying I'm experiencing.  These isn't an hour that goes by that I don't say nasty things to myself and the thought of, well u know what, crosses my mind as a way out, but somehow the helplines do actually pull me back.  They may be able to help you just by listening to what's upsetting you.

I wish so much I could give you some enlightened words but I have none to give.  I'm shocked by the cruelty and injustices that some people cause others.

Take care.

Merricat