Broken, but never beaten

[Fury]

Hi. Just stared at this blank box for 45 minutes.

My feelings are raw I'm very, very alone right now

I'll come back when I can pull myself together

[blondguy]

Hello Fury

Welcome to the forums and good on you for posting too!

You have done well with having the courage to post Fury. I remember staring at the blank box when I joined too...for a lot longer than 45 minutes! I joined the forums in 2016 after years of anxiety and depression.

There are very kind and non judgemental people on the forums that can be here for you

you are not alone here Fury. Im Paul and its good to meet you!

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[geoff]

hello Fury, please let me welcome to the forum and want to join with Paul by saying this.
Looking at a blank box in front of you, there are so many thoughts that go through your mind, but they are confusing because you don't know what to say, how you should approach it, or what is more important than the rest.
How many times have you or anyone else typed a letter to post, looked at it, then edited it to finally deleting it, not once but numerous times, only wishing that you had pressed post.
It does take a lot of courage so just take your time and not everything needs to be posted straight away, and please don't be afraid, because we have been going through this ourselves, so we know how you feel. Geoff.

[startingnew]

hello and welcome to the forums

this a kind and caring community who accept people for who they are and without judgement.

like you it took me a while to post, i was extremely nervous and at the time a wreck but after taking that first post and slowly getting to know others and letting them in and sharing my story things became easier. ive been here since March of this year. it certainly feels like a lot longer because people jsut seem to fit in here

again welcome aboard and we are here for you and to chat about anything you like 🙂

maybe to give you a starting point, you could give us a little introduction about yourself and what has brought you here 🙂

[White_Rose]

Dear Fury

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. I am sorry you are in such a bad place at the moment and feel so alone.

We can understand that as many of the people here have similar experiences. Just take it slowly and talk about whatever you wish. We will be here.

Mary

[Fury]

Thank you all for your kind & thoughtful replies x

I've been lurking the forums here on and off for about 2 years, wanting to connect with someone/anyone that understands, but I've been unable to gather the guts to join until now.

I'm a SAHM of 2, a teenage girl & a pre-teen boy, my boy has complex special needs so I'm his full time carer as well I guess. I've been married for 21 years. I've struggled with severe depression & anxiety for about 27 years, diagnosed with Rheumatoid arthritis 15 years ago.

[geoff]

hello Fury, thanks for getting back to us, and firstly having Rheumatoid arthritis restricts your ability to be able to move and as I'm getting older I certainly know all about this without any doubt, it's so unfortunate that as we get older our body functions change for the worse, and the terrible part is that, sometimes we can't stop it, whereas other people are able to remain active, that can't happen to some of us.
If your son has complex special needs this is going to make it very difficult for yourself and if you don't have any support to help you then you will find it very difficult, maybe your teenage daughter is avoiding all of this which will make all of this very disappointing.
I'm about to logoff as I start very early in the morning, so I hope others will reply back to you, but I have written down your post with your name and check on you tomorrow morning. Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Hello Fury

Many people browse the forum for a while before plucking up the courage to sign up and write in. You will know from your 'lurking' that we are as supportive and helpful as possible. No one will hurt you here. May I ask, what does SAHM stand for? Ah, just worked it out, stay at home mother. Great.

Being the mother of teenagers is not easy as I also know. Having a son with complex special needs I imagine can be difficult and time consuming. Adding your rheumatoid arthritis which is so debilitating and painful must make your life very complicated. Do you have any home assistance?

Has anyone spoken to you about the NDIS, National Disability Insurance Scheme. I only know a little so will not offer any comments. I wondered if your son was eligible for any of the care packages on offer, both for your son and for yourself as carer. I think it will be useful for you to investigate this if you have not already done so.

Don't wait until you can pull yourself together before writing in here. This is a good place to vent about those things that worry and upset you. Often it helps by simply writing down your thoughts and frustrations. The strange thing is how much different it looks when you write than constant running on the rat wheel. It doesn't make them go away but sometimes you see what is bugging you. At the very least it does give you some respite.

Is your husband able to help with the care of your son? After being at work all day it can be exhausting but then you are also working all day.

I am guessing you see a mental health professional about your depression. Do you find it helpful? Sometimes we do not get on the best with one counsellor but have a great rapport with someone else. Is the way you are feeling at the moment because of your depression or something else happening?

I see you wrote in your first post that your feelings were very raw. Is this something we can help with?Let us help if we can.

Mary

[geoff]

hi Mary, I think it means Stay At Home Mum, I maybe wrong. Geoff.

[Fury]

Thank you Geoff & White Rose,

Yes, SAHM is stay at home mum. 🙂 My husband & I decided before we had kids that's what we'd do. As it turned out, with my rheumatoid arthritis & our son's medical needs, I probably wouldn't have been able to work full time anyway. Our son's school is really good, they're supportive & are able to find resources and information regarding the NDIS, but it isn't rolled out yet where we live. I don't have any home assistance, we don't have any family nor friends around, it's just us 2 but we manage. My husband works 12 hour days & is an amazing dad, he helps out as much as he can when he's home.

2 years ago I was heading back to a really dark place mentally so I bit the bullet out of desperation & saw my GP. I've been on antidepressants for 2 years now & see a counsellor about once a month. The therapy is okay but the meds I absolutely hate. 2 months ago I started weaning off the meds & it's been an emotional roller coaster but I'm finally starting to even out.

Mary you hit the nail on the head, there was something else happening when I first posted, as you can imagine our lives & my illnesses have put a huge strain on our marriage, things have been deteriorating for a long time. I'm not ready to go into that yet though.

Thank you both for listening x