Bit of a mixture

[dave1234]

Hi

I've been diagnosed with chronic depression for many
years. I've damaged my spine and neck in accidents
and whilst I'm not confined to a chair find any exercise
brings on pain (throw in lower limb injuries as well).

Over the years I've seen both psychiatrists and
psychologists. I have no faith in CBT, and I just don't
have the mindset to change it.

Of late I've started to believe that people are watching
me. Deep down I know they probably aren't, but it's a
feeling that won't go away.

I'm starting to try to catch people out for looking at
me. Not sure if they want to hurt me, but I don't trust
them. I know I sound mad, logically I know it's not
happening, but at the times I check I'm not thinking
in a logical manner.

Does this make sense to anyone, or am I starting to
go down a slippery slope.

[Sophie_M]

Hey dave1234,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your journey here with our wonderful community. We're so sorry to hear what you've been through, and that you're feeling worried about being watched. It sounds like these thoughts must be really overwhelming, but please know that you've come to safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

It's great to hear that you have sought help with health professionals in the past. We understand that the process of finding what works for you can be frustrating, but we would really encourage you to keep trying to find the right treatment and support. Please know that the Beyond Blue Support Service are available to you anytime on 1300 22 4636 or you can also get in touch through webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

In overwhelming moments, please know that you can also always reach out to our lovely friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), who are there to help support you.

We hope that you can find some comfort in the words of kindness and advice from our supportive community- we're all here for you.

[therising]

Hi dave1234

I'm wondering what comes to mind, whenever you're feeling paranoid. The reason I ask relates to a little outside the square thinking. Depending on what camp you're in (psychology or spirituality), it is said that the conscious mind or divine inspiration will raise our attention to certain things. A couple of examples:

• We could spend days or even years thinking 'I don't matter. No one cares about me. No one even sees me much of the time'. Over time, we can also be developing a higher level of consciousness or be 'tuning into' inspiration without realising. Suddenly, what comes to mind is 'People are looking at you. Take notice of how many people are looking at you'. Individually, these thoughts appear to have no relationship but together they can be significant. If you catch people looking, this becomes proof that you are being recognised in this world. By the way, it's rather amazing how instinct works: We can sense when people are looking at us. Maybe this goes back thousands of years to when we were sensitive to being some creature's potential prey. We had to be tuned in, to stay alive
• Another example of higher consciousness or inspiration can relate to the phrase that can run through our mind on occasion 'You're hopeless'. Myself, I've come to see this as a cue, rather than a potentially depressing statement. When 'You're hopeless' comes to mind, I make an effort to wonder what leads me to hope less. Dave, there are times when I can look around and realise the folk in my life really need to get it together to some degree. I love raising people but when all the people you love raising are all in some low funk, it can bring you down, leading you to fall into the trap of believing 'There is nothing to hope for, maybe everyone's right'. This kind of thought gradually sneaks in. You may not realise it's happening until you're sensitive enough to begin really feeling it. So, 'You're hopeless' is more of a constructive prompt to search for the hope that's not present at the time/under the circumstances

So, you can see why I'm curious as to what comes to mind for you when you feel paranoid. Maybe there are key phrases that come to mind you're not entirely conscious of. Becoming conscious of them might help in making sense of things.

Another thing, people are naturally curious creatures. They tend to study outstanding differences and wonder about them or judge. I say, if people want to study me, go for it. Sometimes, I even give them a smile.

🙂