Bipolar 2 & Depression

[mcc]

Hi,

I am just turned 24 years old and have suffered with Anxiety for as long as I can remember and up until the past couple of months I had realised it was much more than that. I have been stuck in this constant state of depression and just feeling of nothingness that without realising I had felt in the past and just assumed it was my anxiety. This feeling off up and down had been on and off I'd say for a few years but like I said I just assumed it was me growing up and at times it was my anxiety.

So I did something that is not like me and did something about it. I guess I just decided enough was enough and booked myself in to a doctor and counsellor. The doctor then booked me in to a psychiatrist. Starting with the doctor and then the counsellor they were both new people to me and it was difficult to just open up straight away and I guess I still havent 100%. I went through a few sessions and then eventually got to see the psychiatrist. He has put me on Bipolar medication and hasnt diagnosed me until I see him again after a month on this medication. I am 2 or 3 weeks in to this medication and I have no idea if its doing anything. I have some days where I am getting closer to that feeling of "normal" but also have days where I am just back to how I was. But thats not really what I am struggling with. I went in there expecting to be diagnosed with it as the doctor had given me sort of a heads up so that made it a tiny bit easier but I am really struggling with having to accept that this is me now. I am scared of what people think of me now. Bipolar disorder is so misunderstood. I have only told my partner and my mum and they support me 100% but I am not myself anymore. I dont think I ever will be. I just dont know what to do. I have to constantly pretend that I am fine and act my normal self but inside it kills me and is so exhausting. I hate who I have become. I feel as if I have nothing to look forward to in the slightest. I am just so over this. I try so hard to go and do things and see my friends and just interact and its so tiring and forced. I just feel hopeless and empty.

I guess I am just wanting to know what helps with accepting having bipolar disorder... Any sort of advice at all will be appreciated and thank you for reading. I'm sorry if it doesnt make sense.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Mcc,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I'm bipolar and 65yo, diagnosed in 2009 so went all my life with the illness not knowing I had it. It certainly answered why I had the problems I had with other people.

Medication will take on average 6 weeks to begin to work. Also it will only quell the symptoms not eliminate them. So to a great extent, you need to learn to live with bipolar and the mood swings that come with them along with depression and mania. Yes other people will also need to lift their game with knowledge of your problems, more tolerance for your mood and forgiveness. That's why many of us have less friends than we could have had but the friends we keep are better quality.

Like other mental illnesses some of us have positive spin offs like artistic flare, writing, adventurism and entertainment. Google "famous people with bipolar/mental illness and you'll be surprised. Eg I'm a poet. Without my bipolar I couldnt have written my 300 poems. I prefer to tolerate my bipolar than give that up.

Stigma is an issue. There are some people that will shun you when they learn of your illness. Frankly you are better off knowing and give them a miss rather than try to educate them. This forum and others are in existence as "birds of a feather flock together" has merit.

Every patient is different. In my case for example I have periods of paranoia. It lasts for a day or two. It's like the world is against me. So, you'll need to learn a lot about yourself, rely on close people to inform you when your behaviour is out of bounds of tolerance for others and keep alcohol intake to a low level.

Below I've listed some threads I've written on associated topics. Please feel free to read the first post of each thread.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/the-labyrinth-of-friendships

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/when-all-is-lost-what-can-you-d...

[white knight]

I'm sorry I pushed the wrong button.

So please feel free to repost and start new threads when you feel the desire.

TonyWK

[Hb3]

I suggest keeping a diary and scoring your mood.Over time you will see low scores  and then an improvement that peaks and slowly recedes again. This will  probably repeat and at least should give you faith that the lows are not forever.

The feeling of " I have nothing to look forward to in the slightest" will pass but, until that happens life sucks.

"I am not myself anymore" Is a temporary feeling as if you have two brains , the old one that remembers you and the new unfamiliar one. It too will pass.

Psychiatrists and medication might help, it did not for me. What does help is forcing yourself to again be involved in life. Go out even if you dread the thought, exercise and do the things that used to give you pleasure. You will find that unexpectedly you enjoy life again. It just happens without warning. This can be weeks or much longer.

I think years of stress (flight/fight/freeze response) affects the brain and combined with genetic predisposition leaves some of us in the bi polar state. Hopefully at only 24 you can rewire the brain to at least keep the lows minimal.