Been isolated for years - Lockdown making it worse

[apj868]

So I’m feeling extremely lonely. I feel alien and don’t know what to do.

I’m in my mid 30’s and I’ve had issues making close friends since I was a teenager. I seem to be generally well liked but have been rejected at every turn. Guys, girls doesn’t matter, I’ve been outright rejected, ghosted, stood up, you name it it’s been done to me. Never been on a date, have 1 friend that I hang out with and nobody else for over a decade. The general feedback is that I’m a lovely person, but people are happy with how much of me they see and don’t want to see any more of me.

What I have always done to compensate is put myself in positions where I am surrounded by people. Joined various social clubs and circles. I have been accepted by the people in these groups, but still not able to make those close friends I so desperately want. With covid lockdowns all the groups have stopped meeting and I have lost contact with everybody.

I even work in an essential industry. We have been forced to split into 2 shifts. All of the staff that have been around for years except for me are in 1 shift while I have been put into the other shift as “tech support” for the junior staff members, all people who are extremely quiet and don’t want to have any conversation. When I pointed out how unfair this is (especially since I manage a number of the senior staff in the other group but no one in my group), I was told to give it a go for a week. After a week I questioned it again and was told that it is too late to make changes to the shifts as we can’t afford to swap between them just in case someone gets the virus. I have even tried to reach out to a few people in the other shift who I thought might be willing to help, can’t even get anyone to engage with me by text or phone. It is just making my feelings of isolation worse.

I really don’t know what to do, all I want is someone I can talk to but that seems the furthest thing away right now. I know that I am the common factor so have to change something but not sure what. All I can do is continue to treat others the way I wish to be treated and hope they reciprocate my efforts.

[Croix]

Dear Apj868~

Welcome here to the Support Forum. This is itself a friendly place and allows you to talk to others who may also be feeling isolated -particularly with Covid restrictions in place

Beyond Blue has its own social zone here

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone

It is easy to start there is some sort of lack in yourself when your social needs are not met. I say social needs because that is common to most everyone, and a surprisingly large number, like you, feel alone. It is no reflection on you, just the way are society tends to be structured. Ironically a city or town can be the loneliest place.

I guess that avenues to look to are firstly volunteering (as restrictions allow), these tend to be for people that believe something is worth doing for it's own sake, which gives you a large cross section of people to meet with and maybe find things in common.

I'd suggest Volunteering Australia's GoVolunteers site

https://govolunteer.com.au/volunteering?goodfor=12

Contacting social welfare sites like Red Cross, St Vincent's and so on direct

Facebook's Discover Section

https://www.facebook.com/groups/?category=discover

Plus advice from help lines as found in

https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/managing-my-daily-life/coping-with-isolation-and-being-at-home/keeping-loneliness-at-bay-while-staying-at-home.html

and Black Dog's

https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/news/what-is-loneliness-and-how-can-we-overcome-it-during-these-times/

which has some useful links.

I doubt there is one quick fix, however by reaching out whenever you can and trying suggestions things may seem brighter.

Please let us know how you go

Croix

[apj868]

Hi Croix,

Thank you for the advice. I will work through the links you provided and see what I find.

I can't believe that I didn't think about volunteering. I actually do a fair amount of it during "normal" times but all of the activities I volunteer for have shut down. I'll definately reach out to a few organisations and find out if I can help out. I get a kick out of seeing people (particularily the youth) grow and suceed.

Today was a better day. Got a small pick me up at work. We are now 100% vaccinated so some of the shift restrictions are going to be lifted. Hopefully this is the first small sign of restrictions lifting and things improving.