Bad day today

[anxietygirl60]

I almost don't have the energy to type this. I feel like I'm being sucked down a black hole. I hate feeling like this. It's just getting worse as the day goes on and I don't know how I'm going to make it to the end of the day. I just want to sleep, but when I try, I can't. I seem to be pretty close to tears a lot of the time and it's frustrating because I don't want to be like this.

I think I've been stuffing my feelings way, way down for so long that they're starting to catch up with me again. I had a bad patch like this in around 2014-16 and I don't know if I can deal with it again. My sister, mother (on my birthday) and father all died within a nine month period in 2007-08 I had a bad patch of depression that lasted a few years, went to a counsellor for about five years until I realised that we were just going over the same stuff so I stopped going and then there was a romantic disappointment that happened in 2014 that really did a number on me and pushed me over the edge.

Thought things were improving but then my dog died in 2019 and covid hit just after and I have become a recluse more or less - I'm self employed and work from home and my business is starting to suffer as I can't seem to do the things necessary to keep it going. Anxiety is through the roof and I find it difficult to relax at all even when I look like I am relaxing to other people.

Went back to the doctor the other week but I don't think there's much she can do to help as I won't take medication as it's one of my anxiety triggers. I'm scared I'm going to have a reaction to it or something stupid like that. I feel like an idiot most of the time because I know that I'm doing this stuff to myself with the thoughts that I am thinking. It's just so hard to derail a dark thought once it get momentum.

Just needed to come on here and vent because I won't vent to the people around me as they think I'm pathetic enough as it is. Thanks for reading.

[Malen]

I get the medication thing, I get paranoia that its poision. I take 27 different medications a day so its a pretty regular struggle. I take it regardless for really lousy reasons that you dont need to hear about. Taking medication can be scary, for the most part there are few that have reactions. There are anti-anxiety meds you could take to help you take the others if you can past the first one.

Ive made a couple posts about depression lately, Im really struggling myself. There are supports out there, community mental  health would be a good start. Maybe see a psychiatrist, they can help determine if there is something underlying your depression and anxiety but they can also tell  you the kind of psychologist to see. You can see a councillor but from what your saying a psychologist is probably your better choice. 

I hope your safe and if you find yourself questioning that call life line or beyond blue or someone

[Johnny_]

Hi… you are doing amazing! after everything you’ve been through..you are certainly stronger than you think:)

I hear you about feeling like life is just getting harder everywhere…oh man, it does suck at times…and for me, it helps to write that down in my diary and say it. Give it its moment, write it on some paper, rip it up and bin up…there’s something about doing that. 

chatting to a psychologist def helps esp if your unable to take medication, they might be able to help with that too. Do you do anything else for your depression / anxiety? have you tried cold showers? I know but they help me a lot, so maybe, also deep breath work helps too. Try believe in your breath on insta and see what these guys do. It’s raw and full on but it’s amazing! I’ve been and wow! 

Just remember, you are you, you are strong and awesome! This hard moment won’t last:)