ASD and a downward spiral

[Ianian]

Hi,

 I'm not sure what to post here to be honest, or what to say. I've got ASD with side orders of major depressive and anxiety disorders... I came off my medication a few months ago and have had a slow downward spiral ever since, to the point where I've been in tears at work for no reason at all and have been panicking that - for some unknown, unspecified reason - I am going to lose my job.

I've always fought my own battles - I have no family to speak of and my wife

can' t cope... she will be there for me but she can't help me through. But now I am working FIFO I can't fight it on my own, there's no escape. I've rung EAP and seen the site doctor who wanted to send me home because he thought I was (am) going to do something to myself... I convinced him (and my manager and my manager's manager) to let me stay. I need to keep busy and working; if I get sent home I will be just sitting there isolated from my workmates and with little support.

As I wrote before, I'm not sure what I am doing posting here. Perhaps it just helps getting it out. I have difficulty communicating what is going on in my head to people. I have been speaking to counsellors etc. but I am not sure that I have got it across properly. I have some good friends here on site who have been going out of their way to help and understand which is great, however I also feel guilty about that, being a

burden etc. I have found myself disguising it again if I am not doing well so I don't worry them or be an inconvenience. Stupid, I know, but I feel really naked and exposed and it feels like everyone knows about what's going on.

It is a long,

dark road. At times, like now, I don't know if it is worth travelling.

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[Neil_1]

Hi Ianian

Mate, thank you for providing this post - it's damned important that you were able to do this.  There's a lot of stuff there that you'd know is not so good and it was great that you were able to unload and get it out.

One thing on this site is that NO-ONE is a burden.  Everyone who posts is posting for one helluva an important reason - 'they are troubled with issues and troubled badly'.  That's why I'm so pleased you were able to unload with this post.

My initial comment is:   was it you or your GP who advised you to go off your medication??  I guess it doesn't overly matter too much because the end result is what you see before you - as you said, since that time, you've spiralled downhill.

If it was your GP, I'd be concerned that they haven't followed up with you to see how you are, etc.

If it was because you chose too, was it due to the meds giving you bad side effects or that you just wanted to wean yourself off them?  Sorry, too many questions on this point.

I do like your comment about how being at work is helpful with it helping you to keep busy and being around colleagues - I'm really pleased by that and if you can keep that going, then do everything you can to keep that happening.

The road IS worth travelling Ianian - and yes, we're probably on the same strip of road right now - it's bumpy, pot-holey, rainy and dark - not pleasant at all;  but there's no way I'm going to stop in that kind of environment and I don't want you to either.  We HAVE to keep travelling - and there's only one speed at the moment and that's slow.  But please keep doing that.

One last thing, when was your last (a) appointment with a GP;  & (b) appointment with a counsellor?

Hope to hear back from you.

Neil

[Ianian]

Hi Neil,

I came off the medication for a number of reasons: I didn't like the feeling of being on them... kind of like a zombiw, disconnected from myself. Plus I'd been going good for a while and thought that maybe I didn't need them anymore. I was wrong.

In regards to the GP, I've moved around quite a lot for work over the years, rarely more than a year or so in the one place. Nature of the industry. Hence I've generally also had to keep changing GPs.

I last saw a GP on Tuesday last, which resulted in me being re-prescribed the SSRIs. The counseller (psychotherapist?) I saw on Friday, and spoke to on the phone today.

Ianian

[Neil_1]

Hi Ianian

Thanx heaps for your latest reply.

The zombie like feeling is definitely not one worth being on and I’ve heard of this on a number of occasions from different people.  So it’s great that you were able to recognise this and then take on the process of going off them – even though it worked out that perhaps you shouldn’t have. 

But then you’ve recently seen a doc to get things happening again for medication, which is very pleasing.  As there are so many anti-depressants on the market, it could be a case of trial and error for a little while, till you snare the right one, but I do hope that this particular medication is a good fit for you.

Thanx again for being able to share and Ianian, I hope you can stay here for a while and above all else, if you’ve got further questions about anything, then please fire away.

Kind regards

Neil