Depressed

[Zebra]

I've been suffering from depression for about 4 years now and didn't realise just how bad it was or that I even had it until I took an online quiz and read other peoples stories on beyond blue. The thing is I didn't have an major traumatic experience that caused my depression. My husband had been working FIFO at the time and had been doing it for 2 years at the time my depression started. At first I thought I was just feeling lonely and was missing him that's why I was feeling down but even after he came back for good I never got better. It's been 4 years now since I first realised I was depressed and I can't seem to break free from it. I used to be a very happy and bubbly person who used to enjoy going out and having a good time. Now I don't go anywhere I have no enjoyment in anything and just about find everything I do exhausting and a task even something as simple as going to the corner store which is literally down the road. I have no patience for anything or anyone. When my husband wants to take me out to dinner I get anxiety I don't wanna leave the house. I'm so unhappy I feel like nothing I do is good, I feel worthless, guilty about everything and nothing at the same time even though I haven't done anything wrong to anyone. I'm worried that my marriage is going down because of it, my husband is supportive but not in the way I need him to be because I can see how annoyed he is getting especially when he suggests we go out and do things and I always say no ALWAYS. I really hate myself for being like this with him but I can't control it I really really can't. I don't have any thoughts of suicide, thank god but I really am unhappy. 

[NicoleP]

Hi Zebra

Thank you for sharing your experiences on the forums. I can relate to what you say about your husband. My husband is a wonderful man but sometimes I see him physically cringe when I start talking about certain things.

 You haven't said whether you have been to see your GP and I think that is always a really good starting point. they can refer you for counselling so that you can start to explore some of your concerns. You can always phone the BB counsellors as they are also very good at pointing people in the right direction.

K

[HelenM]

Hi Zebra

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time and I hope you're getting medical help. It's a lot harder to recover all on our own.

It's hard to know regarding your husband's frustration. Although he probably understands why you don't go out I suppose he feels disappointed. There are some good psychological therapies to help you regain control of your life. If you lookon this site there are suggestions that might help you.

Take care, Helen

[gmc]

hello Zebra and thanks for sharing your story.

I agree with KezzaA, it would be a very good starting point to see your GP and talk about this, maybe get a specialist from BeyondBlue database, or call BB cousellors. Maybe make a visit both with your husband to a counselor so that he knows what your problem is. try this too. it's find you have a supportive husband.

g

[Zebra]

Hi,  thank you for your support and advice, it's nice to know there's people out there who care and that know how I feel. I have spoken to my GP who sent me to see a psychologist. I went to see her about 2 months ago but she didn't help, if anything she spoke more than I did and I found that she didn't understand my situation. She just kept telling me to do something about it. She told me to literally get up and change my life, I told her over and over again that I can't that it's not that easy and she kept saying that if I really wanted to I could and she told me that there are a lot of women out there who have real problems and reasons to be depressed and that my case is easy. So I never went back again but my husband kept pushing me to go back because he can't take it anymore so I made an appointment which was 2 days ago. My appointment was at 11am, I got there at 10.50 and there was a man there complaining that his appointment was at 10. The receptionist told him that the Dr was running late and that he was next, I waited till 1140 and he still didn't go in yet so I left, I was getting agitated and couldn't wait anymore. I will not be going back to see her. I am trying to deal with this now on my own because I really don't think anyone can help.I know it will be hard but I really hate living like this and seeing my husband suffer with me is unfair so i hope I find something that can change it so I can get on with my life. I don't know exactly where to start but I will try everyday to fight it and I hope I succeed. 

[White_Rose]

Dear Zebra

Hello and welcome to BB. It's hard going through depression as you are and trying to do it without help. In some ways its even harder when you expect to get help, such as the psychologist, who turns out to be useless and quite destructive.

Please go back to your GP and ask for a referral to another psych. Tell the GP all that you have written here. Good GPs will listen to you and your comments and will probably not send any of their patients to that psych again. He/she will also find someone more suitable for you. I used to see a psychiatrist who was always late. Not just ten minutes but often up to an hour. Once in a while if he had an emergency it would be OK but not when it was constant. He also fell asleep when I was talking to him, which you can imagine was a great confidence booster.

So yes, walk away from this person and go elsewhere. Persevere because it is important that someone help you on your journey. The psych was completely wrong to say others have bigger problems. You are not concerned with the problems of others, only your own. Your psych should understand that each person's difficulties are theirs to manage and cannot be compared to others. She is not omnipotent with the right to decide who is the most worthy person to help.

So try again with your doctor's help. If this is not forthcoming, find a doctor from the BB list. Bottom of this page under Find A Professional. Alternatively, phone the BB helpline 24/7 1300 22 4636 or contact the web chat between 3: pm and 12 am. Click on web chat at the top of this page.

Please write in again soon and tell us how you are going. I will be looking for your posts.

Regards

Mary