Are you Bipolar 2? - questions for what happens in the first few months on mood stabilisers

[Jenben]

Hey there. I'm 37 and was misdiagnosed in my early 20s with clinical depression. 4 weeks ago i was diagnosed with bipolar 2. Oh it makes so much sense now.

So apart from coming to terms with this new diagnosis (and wondering huh, bipolar 2 what's that? there is more than one?) I am also dealing with the physical symptoms and feelings of taking mood stabilisers and would love some feedback from other bipolar 2 recently diagnosed people about their initial experiences on mood stabilisers.

Here's 10 questions/comments/issues I'm going through:

1.) Am sleeping the best I have had for years. Insomnia at bay for now. Wow. Can this last?

2.) But sooo exhausted during the day. Just feel tired all the time now. What's with that? Is my body catching up on years of crappy sleep?!

2.) Am more grumpy and intolerant than normal and surprised by this.

3.) missing my highs already feel like something's gone (well it's there but just a shadow). Will that ever come back?

4.) Still able to feel sad (bawled my eyes out over sad tv last night). But no despair.

5.) Not much appetite at all.

6.) feel really slow but people around me say I'm not so is it my own perception?

7.) things are more deliberate and thought out which is totally spinning me out. Will I still be spontaneous?

8.) it feels like an actual physical barrier is stopping me from falling into that dark pit of nothing. Very interesting.

9.) For the first time in years I don't feel hollow.

10.) people are wondering if I'm ok because I'm not my bubbly, effervescent, over the top self - will my personality catch up once the meds settle in?

I am going through all of this with my psychiatrist so I'm not asking for medical advice. But I know no one with this disorder and would love to hear about others' experiences when first diagnosed and on medication. Or guide me to where I can find out more?

Cheers

[Zeal]

Hi Jenben,

Welcome to the forum!

Thank you for explaining your situation well. I am glad you are receiving regular medical support from your psychiatrist after your recent diagnosis of Bipolar 2. I don't have Bipolar and have no personal experience in this area, so I'd like to refer you to previous discussions on the forum:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/welcome-and-orientation/new-to-forums---just-diagnosed-bipolar-2#qilMjXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/treatments-health-professionals-and-therapies/bipolar-support-groups#qk7my3HzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/long-term-support-over-the-journey/this-bipolar-life#qksr-XHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

Hopefully you will also get a personal reply from someone who has been, or is in, a similar situation to yours.

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Kazzl]

Hi Jenben, welcome to the forum, from a fellow traveller. I was diagnosed bipolar 2 early this year, after 15 years of being treated for depression. Misdiagnosis is a common thing, and it sure takes some getting used to when you finally get the correct diagnosis.

I know what you mean about 'oh it makes so much sense now'. For me the diagnosis brought both relief (because so much of my past fell into place) as well as angry shock (why didn't I know this, what might have been different if I'd been diagnosed earlier). I'm 53, so I have a lifetime of 'stuff' to wade through and rethink now I know.

Much of what you've said is familiar to me. I can only speak for my own experience with medication but I would say that at four weeks, you are still settling in with the drugs. Are you having them increased gradually? I did, over about four months, and each time they were increased I got some side effects.

The good news is once you reach the right dosage things should settle down. I still get tired, fatigue is a known side effect, and my memory is worse than ever, but apart from that I don't feel any bad effects any more.

The drugs kind of knock off the top and bottom, so to speak - as a matter of course, you don't go as high or as low as you used to. You settle into a middle ground. That doesn't mean you won't have periods of depression or hypomania, but it should be milder than before and less likely to cycle rapidly. For me, one of the key benefits is that I'm not getting the constant racing thoughts, head going a million miles an hour. And I'm much calmer than I used to be.

I know what you mean about missing the high. A lot of us do, but it doesn't go completely, for me at least it's just more of a buzz than manic. What I do still struggle with is explosive anger - a less recognised symptom, but one some people experience.

There's pros and cons of medication I guess, but for me having protection against the deep depression and the rapid cycling, and the racing, unrealistic hypo thinking is worth it.

I have a thread under the Longterm Jouney board called This Bipolar Life, where a number of bipolar members post. It's a mix of serious discussion, friendship and some silliness. You're very welcome to join us there.

Very best wishes Jenben, and if you want to ask anything or vent or just get to know others, please keep posting. Try to be patient hun, it gets better.

Kaz

[MallowPuff]

Oooo look, more Biploar buddies *warm fuzzies*

I'm a 40yo guy, recently diagnosed Bipolar 2, mixed state, mostly hypomanic.

My journey has been a roller coaster of 12 months, highly fluctuating moods and nearly hospitalised on a few incidents.

When all the mindfulness, CBT/ACT therapy went no-where, I went onto anti-depressants, which 'enhanced' my highs and caused more problems. Was finally put onto mood stabilisers one day in a crisis.

I rebelled, took myself off all medication (you know, I know better, this is all just mind over matter, or maybe a wrong diagnosis, or yes, very long river in Africa).

Sheepishly went back to my psychiatrist and psychologist and got back on the medication, have been on it for a few months now, ramped up the dose, and wow, what a difference.

I was certainly a lot more foggy in the first 3-4 weeks of the medication, but have settled quite a bit since. I have also lost the lowly lows, they just are not there, or rather they are not the intense despair moment. I've also lost the highs, but as Kaz mentioned, similar for me, they were not good highs, they were intense, pleasure seeking, thirsty, lusty buzzes that were not healthy. It was a monster that was highly irritable and not nice. Mind going 100 miles an hour, feeling scared, anxious, whilst also feeling top of the world, strong, attractive, confident. Really not something I want to go back to anytime soon, let alone put my wonderful wife and family through again.

Maybe the lack of needing sleep was kinda handy though!

But it's early days, and I'm learning a lot about bipolar, a lot about treatment, and a lot about me! (the new me, old me, bipolar me). I also have quite a bit of repairing/recovering to do (family, friends, work etc).

Oh and I wish I had your lack of appetite! I've gone from having an eating disorder one way, to now eating everything in site and stacking on the kilos.

Re the sad part, I think I've re-found sadness. One thing that hypomania took from me was empathy, I was so selfish and stoic, in control, mad, highly irritable but not sad. Now things have settled I'm finding I think I do actually feel sadness at times. It's no longer 'staged' as it may have been before. It's just weird really.

So it seems to be different for everyone, and seems to take a good deal of time to work out whats good or bad, part of the bipolar or not.

So welcome, and good luck! hope to see you over in the house of Kazzle (her thread mentioned above)!

[Ivan0491]

Hi Jenben

When I was put on meds all I wanted to do was sleep, sleep and more sleep. If I wasn't sleeping I was eating. looking back I wasn't really living I was existing in a drug educed coma. I put on 20kg and can not remember 2 years of my life.

I used to struggle with explosive anger and was highly irritable, my highs were really high and my lows were as low as you could get.

The meds took all that away, in fact they took all feeling away.

Hope you find the right balance

all the best

Ivan

[MountainsAreMySpiritAnima]

Hey Jenben,

That's a great idea thinking of some questions for your doctor. I might haveto try that myself!

I have been on one mood stabiliser since October and added a second in late November. I was pretty hypomanic after getting out of hospital in early December but that has really settled. I get what you mean about missing that though! however this iillness cost me three jobs. When hypomanic I make leaps and bounds in my career and have done some things I'm really proud of. So it's as confusing for my employers as it was for me that I just break and can barely manage my emails. I think predictability and stability is a good trade off. I know I have the capacity to excel and really progress in my career without always ffeeling like I'm waiting to be performance managed.

The side effects of one of those meds hasn't tthrilled me (hypothyroidism ) but my levels were borderline clinically significant so my GP got onto it quickly.

Give them some time. Keep your diet steady and nutritious . Get some regular exercise. Cut back on caffeine and keep consistent sleep hours.

Good luck 🙂

[Kazzl]

Hi - Jenben I hope you don't mind me interrupting on your thread, but I just want to welcome MountainsAreMySpiritAnimal to the forum.

Hiya Mountains! I'm always pleased to meet a fellow traveller with bipolar. There are a few of us around. Please feel free to start your own thread if you want, as well as offering the support for others as you have here.

If you're interested, there's a thread called This Bipolar Life under the Longterm Journey board where a few of us gather (nice bunch we are too). You are very welcome to join in.

Cheers

Kaz

[Guitarist]

Hi

I was told savagely when i had asked the same questions "welcome to the honeymoon stage"

But this rings true six months later. 6 months ago my list would have looked exactly like yours. Not kidding no jokes. What i have is bipolar 2. I too am 37 and have struggled my entire life with mental illness. You will find balance...eventually...but the road is rough and hard. You will need to hash out your daily activities and have someone on immediate hand to tell the truth too. Communicate it out slowly and you will find answers for yourself (self discovery). As for barriers well...i can't give advise on that subject personally. You will definitely need a hobby.

Best of luck

[Angela_J]

Hey everyone,

I have just been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 as well. I have also just spent 2 weeks in hospital to get the meds right and I am feeling a lot better. I am in a low though, don't feel like doing much so know I am in a low and will get out of it eventually. I am finding rigorous cardio very helpful in the mornings to start my day positively.

I am on a mood stabiliser, anti- pyschotics and an anti depressant. I also have delusions and very intrusive violent thoughts about myself and suffer from a fair bit of paranoia. I have also been diagnosed as schizoaffective so yes life is very challenging with bipolar and schizoaffective disorder but with meds and therapy I hope I can get back to working and living life to the full. Is anyone else on here schizoaffective as well as bipolar 2?

I hope you are all feeling well,

Love Angela.