appt with GP

[Jo3]

So today I had an appt with my GP so he could make sure I was okay.  Well I wasn't okay. He said he cares about me and wants to see me happy again and not in this state.  He said he would be very hurt if i did something to myself. 

I was sitting there, head down not really paying attention to what he was saying. I don't care anymore.  I told him I had a plan and we talked about it and now he wants me to see a psychiatrist. And i said no because i don't want to talk about the same stuff over and over again. And then he'll probably give me more medication which i don't want.

I told him why can't he just send me away somewhere and he said I am not at that point of being admitted into hospital. But he wants me to see someone.  I told him i can't because then i will lose my therapist and i don't want to lose him as i am comfortable with him.  But actually last night in session we talked about how bad i thought my depression is and he said i probably should see a psychiatrist as well.  Can i see a psych for one visit or do i have to keep going back and now with less hours at work which means less money i don't think i can afford seeing a psych.

What are they going to do anyway? 

I'm not in a very good frame of mind at the moment, my GP wants me to stay busy all weekend and I have to go back on Tuesday to see him.  

My GP said that my husband is at fault to a point because he doesn't want to acknowledge my depression and doesn't speak to me about it.  I know he wants it all to be perfect but it's not perfect.

So that was my day today, I am exhausted and fragile at the same time. 

These thoughts are horrible.

Jo

[guest75]

Jo

I can feel your pain through your post and i wish there was something i could say to make you feel better.  You have a wonderful warm heart and your support of me in my time of need was incredible. I just wish i could return the favour in some way

It sounds like you have a great GP which is always handy, at least you have someone to talk to if your husband wont listen.  I think you need to talk to your husband and tell him how serious your condition is and its not just a matter of "getting better"

Keep posting Jo even if its just to vent

Hugs

Matty

[Jo3]

Hey Matty

I am scared.  I don't know how to tell my husband. I can't just come out and say about self harm and ending it all. 

Although I can't talk to my husband honestly and openly at least I have you and the others on here and my GP and psych.

I am working tomorrow and Monday so I guess i have to stay busy on Sunday which will be a struggle.

Thanks again Matty

Jo

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[Imagine]

Hi Jo,

I feel for you - you are trying so hard to find a way out of the darkness but everything feels so slow and difficult and oppressive. It's an awful place to be. I can't comment on the psych because I haven't been there but I hope that you find something that helps you soon.

Keeping busy is a good idea but I know it's hard to find things that occupy your mind enough to give you respite from the pain.

I wish you had your partners support. This is not your fault and his compassion and understanding would give you some encouragement that you could fight this as a team.

Hang in there, take things one moment at a time and come and talk to us if you need us. Take care

Imagine x

[joey]

Hi Jo

Its good your GP cares (in my experience it's unusual for doctors to admit that). I have had mixed experiences with psychiatrists - I had some that made me worse, I had one really good one and I had one the I didn't really like but in the end she was right!!! I never enjoyed seeing her but do respect her ability and would go back too her if needed.

There is no reason you cannot see both a psychologist and psychiatrist. I guess cost and time are sometimes barriers but in theory it's fine. I found psychiatrists often managed medications and 'monitored me' to make the GP and psychologists feel better! And I guess gave them a second opinion too.

I know everyone is scared of medication and I too would rather not be on any but it can help and if things are really bad and not getting easier or you are unsafe then maybe you do need to change medications. Usually the psychiatrist manages this.

Man I remember the first time I was told to see a psychiatrist I went crazy and was like no way I am not crazy!! I think all the while proving their point. I saw her once she diagnosed me BPD (but didn't tell me) and then discharged me because she had too  many patients - fail 1. The second one make me lie on the couch and had a glass coffee table I wanted to smash - fail 2. Then 7 years after the first one the GP suggested again. Once again I refused (but someone ended up seeing someone anyway - oh right I remember I had a meltdown at work and had no choice). Anyway this one worked out. Number 4 was after I moved - this time it was me who went to the GP and said I wanted a psychiatrist. Anyway point is I was scared of the stigma, scared of what it all meant. So I know what it is like to not want to go. Also if I had to go back now I wouldn't want to - for a completely different reason, as no longer scared but I don't want to NEED a psychiatrist. No one does.

Also the fist time antipsychotics were suggested I wasn't keen (to say the least!). But by that stage I was so bad I guess I didn't have much choice. And they were horrible - they worked so well but the side effects were so bad. Eventually I found one that had less side effects but cost $$110 a month. Anyway it helped a lot. So I took them for awhile until I was stable (aka could get through a day).

Anyway point of that story (is not very clear) but I guess it is meds can help and they are not forever just to get you through the worst of it.

Ok not sure if any of that helps but I am saying I get it and I have been there. Maybe just give it a try. I know money is tight but your health is so important.

Joey

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Jo,

Me again. 🙂

I am really happy that you have such a caring GP. It should go without saying that he is not the only one that cares about you. We here on BB do too.

Perhaps you can get a referral and see a psychiatrist, just once, while seeing the same therapist you have to see if you thats an option for you. THe number of sessions per psych changes per person, though some long term strategies may be off the table without more than one session, there are some strategies and exercises they could try to help you.

Sending hugs your way.

GA

[Chris D]

Hi Jo,

I hope others and myself can pursuede you not to do anything to yourself Jo, as it is not the answer. 

We are all here for you, you have alot of friends here at BB who care for you and don't want anything bad to happen to you. It sounds like you have a really nice GP who cares alot for you.

Maybe you could see a phsychiatrist for a session or 2.It's for your own good Jo, i don't mean to sound rude or anything but i think it will be good for you to see a phsych.

I know it can be hard sometimes Jo but sometimes you have to bite your tongue and go for it. This is your time now Jo, go for it. GO JO.

I have FAITH in you that you will be ok.

Kind Regards

Chris

[Neil_1]

Hi Jo

I'm so pleased that you're getting these regular sessions with your GP.  This person sounds just the kind of person you need.  As does your therapist.  But honestly, I can't see why you would lose your therapist, if you went to see a pyschiatrist.

You should be able to see 40 different specialists if you want too ... oh and if you had the $$'s to do that.

I'm assuming that your GP will be referring you to a psychiatrist of their choice, yes?  This I feel would be good, because your GP knows you very well, knows of your situation completely and I feel that they would be referring you to someone that they know and trust who will be beneficial for you.

My GP when he first referred me to my psychiatrist wrote a detailed letter about all that was happening, what I had experienced, etc etc and he sent that off to the psychiatrist prior to me going.  I would hope that your GP could do the same for you;  and certainly would be well worth asking him if he could.  By doing that, it will save you from having to go back over and over through your history, which for any of us in this situation, is just something we really hate having to do.

Jo, I don't know if I've asked this before, but are you much of a book reader?  If you are, could you possibly either go and search for a good book from home or better still, go to your closest Big W, Target, K-Mart, etc ... as they always have a range of new and sometimes interesting books, that are cheaper than the named book stores.  Get yourself a book that really interests you and get down to the beach with it and engross yourself in the book for as long as you can.  This is a method I use for pushing my dog back into his kennel for a while.

It is by no means helping to solve our issues, but on a weekend, when you're basically on your own, that is not the time to be dealing/trying to solve your issues anyway.  That's when we need to occupy ourselves, so that the issues don't inflame over that time.

Anyway, another long one from me Jo ... I'm hoping like crazy that you're going to find a little quiet and peace over this weekend Jo.

Kind regards

Neil

🙂

[Jo3]

Hi Neil

I do like to read books, autobiographies, romance etc.  I haven't read a book for a while, so maybe I should go and get a good book.  Trouble is sometimes when i start reading is that my mind wanders off and i am not concentrating on what i am reading.

But thanks that is a good idea.

Neil, I am scared.  Scared of seeing a psych and the stigma attached to it.  Scared of failure because now i have to see someone else.

I haven't told my husband yet about anything. I don't know how to bring it up and he would be upset and angry with me.

I am confused.  I have just finished work and am home now.  So i need to stay busy.  Ok I guess i better do the floors, bathrooms, toilets and washing on the line. That'll keep me busy for a little while.

But for tonight, i have no idea of what to do.  And as for tomorrow well i don't know either.

Monday will be okay because i have to work until 2pm. So that day is worked out, well at least half of that day.

Peace and quiet - yeah i would love that - somewhere away from everyone. i wish i could run away, maybe i could plan that.

Jo

[Jo3]

Hey Chris,

I don't know anymore, i'm just tired of all of this.  I think everyone is right - maybe i should see a psych for review of meds.  I'm just scared of being judged and talked about by others.  "Gee she must be a real psycho if she is seeing a psychiatrist"

But maybe by doing that my husband will realise that yes I have a mental illness, and yes it's difficult; and yes I am struggling.

Maybe, just maybe he might understand.

Thanks Chris, for your reply.

I appreciate it.  By the way have you had your tests done yet?

I was thinking just the other day that you must be having them done soon.

Hoping you're okay

Your friend Jo