Anxiety spiralling out of control

[prayingandhopeful]

I had my youngest child 10 and a half months ago, suffered a bit of baby blues and anxiety with him. Just as I felt like I was on the cusp of coming out of it then BAM.. pregnant again, 8 months post partum. I instantly knew I would not be able to handle another baby as I already have 4 children so I had a surgical termination and had mirena inserted at the same time. During the time between me finding out about the pregnancy to having the procedure done, I beat myself up internally about it, negative self talk, guilt etc.. then after it was done, I felt.. NOTHING.. for about two weeks. I guess I tried to block all my emotions out to try and protect myself from the guilt I feel about the termination.

Since then I’ve noticed my mental health deteriorate quite rapidly and dramatically. I started noticing really low moods, not wanting to do anything, anxiety over just about everything, don’t wanna leave the house, feeling overwhelmed over the smallest of tasks, my hair is falling out, found out my eldest was being bullied and was paralysed with fear for him! I’m simply just functioning to keep my kids alive and nothing else really.. everything else is too hard.

So I saw my GP today, and let it all out to her but I felt like I wasn’t being heard. The response I got was “yeah you have anxiety and depression but being a mum comes with stress, so see a psychologist, learn better ways to cope with stress and pick up a hobbie” (long story short). She completely ruled out medication for me as well.

I feel like I’m spiralling down a deep dark hole of anxiety and depression. I have good moments of course, but I’m a shell of the person I once was and I’m struggling.

I can’t afford the psychologist fees even with the Medicare rebate after doing some research this afternoon on drs orders, and I’m more anxious than I was before.

I don’t know what to do and I guess I’m reaching out to you guys for other options?

[HelloGail]

Hello prayingandhopeful

There is always hope, never give up; you are an obviously a good mother with a new Bub and caring and listening to your son who is being bullied; a lot is going on in your lives. A pregnancy termination is a real mental pain. I had to have one and later that night, I sleep-walked to my front door which woke me when I was grabbing onto the door handle. I hadn't sleep walked since I was a child. I cried for weeks, I was a mess. I had to work but chose to have my breaks on my own as I just could not talk or smile for a while. This was 27 years ago. It can play on your mind but I learned to reasons with my decision and move on. Please don't beat yourself, you need time to grieve as that is what you may be experiencing
I understand what you are experiencing but it is so important for you to speak with a psychologist while it is still fresh in your mind. Have you tried Relationship Australia? I have been to them a few times, it is a low cost but worth it. I hope you start feeling more positive. 

[prayingandhopeful]

Hi all, I posted on here a few days ago about my own mental health, I’ve had a rapid decline after a pregnancy termination and post partum depression and am still in the midst of it all. 

But now I’m worried about my partner’s mental health declining because of me. He has been a bit on edge lately with my low moods, insomnia and irrational thoughts. He’s been amazingly supportive and has absolutely been my rock through all of this!

However today, when I said some of my family were going to come (family he hadn’t met before as they are visiting from overseas), he flew into a bit of a rage and was begging me to tell them not to come. He said his heart was pounding and he was so angry, our house admittedly is a bit of a mess atm (we have 4 kids so life is chaotic at the best/happiest of times) and so he said he was mad at the fact that it wasn’t presentable. I felt so guilty so I told them we’d catch up before they left and made an excuse up as to why we couldn’t have them over today.

I have noticed a bit of a change in him since my depression and anxiety started spiralling in the last few weeks also. He was previously a chronic weed smoker but he has just stopped only in the last 2 weeks cold turkey (might explain the rage, I dunno) and usually I’m the one who’s more emotionally available for our relationship and our kids as well. But since I’ve been spiralling, he’s been so much more attentive and supportive of me. But I’m just wondering if this new attentiveness is coming at the cost of his own mental health.

He did mention that what I’m going through is affecting him in ways that he’s never felt before, and he has been a short tempered when it comes to the kids misbehaving or fighting, but he’s much more vocal and understanding now than he’s ever been in our 15 years together.

I’m just afraid that what I’m going through is pushing him towards anxiety and depression in himself, and I would never wish this upon anyone to experience, especially not him!

Grateful on some insight from others who have been through similar experiences, thank you ❤️

[Croix]

Dear Prayingandhopeful~

First off I think it is a real pity your GP was not more helpful. It is far too easy to dismiss the effects of termination, which can be a huge event in one's life and leave a big aftermath, one either of you may not have really anticipated. Have you thought about another GP for a second opinion as you cannot afford a psych?

Of course your partner will have felt the effects on you, and it's great he is being so supportive with you. He may in fact have given up weed to assist him in looking after you. I would expect he would be very worried about you and that the stress will come out in different ways.

I'd also imagine the termination itself may have had it's effect on him too.

It does not necessarily mean his mental health has been affected, just that he is living though a strange, frightening  and demanding time and is reacting to it, with things like temper and being short with the kids almost to be expected as might be a messy house.

I guess if this is something that is worrying either of you the is no harm in having a physical and mental check-up by a (different) GP.

You did say that before you were the emotional contact for the kids, now he has to do it and sort out their behaviour. Stress can fill one up and leave one less able to deal with everyday events, and it may be that is why he is reluctant for you parents to come - which is in itself a very big thing. An extra stress on top of everything else.

Can I ask if you partner has anyone (apart from yourself) to support him? A family member or friend  whom he can lean on for a while?

You are welcome ot talk here anytime you feel like it

Croix

[CubanTurban]

Hi,

You are blessed to have such a caring partner. Take some time to show him how much you appreciate and love him. Don’t worry about this issue. In the blossoming of time he will make it. To fret over it now might spark a ‘situation’ of both of you walking on eggshells and exacerbating an issue that might have fizzled out anyway.

im new at this so I hope I helped. 🙂

Catherine