Anger Issues

TET · ‎08-07-2017

Hi Everyone.

I'm a 28 year old Male, who is struggling with my Anger and Depression more now than anything.

I have been laid off work, and am finding it extremely hard to get another job. I have a Fiancé and 2 year old daughter, and we are financially struggling. Very much so, that we have to sell Household items to live, which is becoming hard because we really have nothing left to sell.

I feel like a Failure, that I can't support my Family, and that each day comes, I don't know whether we will eat.

We both have no family who talk to us, and it limits us to help.

My anger of late, is really taking a toll on our Relationship. I'm always so Angry. The smallest thing sets me off. I instantly regret when I go off, but I can't help but go off. My Fiancé and Daughter are my world. We are all we have. But I feel as though I'm going to lose them soon, if I don't stop my Anger.

Ive tried getting help, but it never seems to help me. Can anyone relate, or have any advice for me. I am struggling. I don't want to be Angry and Depressed no more.

Suicide has never and will never be an option. I just want to be happy and normal again.

Thanks

LC80 · ‎10-07-2017

Mate, I have been never been unemployed so I can only guess at your feelings of hopelessness. However between the ages of 19 and 23 I lost my only brother due to a drowning accident at 16 years old, then a few years later my Grandfather, who was a huge part of my life and the reason I joined the Army , and a few years later my Dad from lung cancer. I loved the Army but took discharge to spend the last few months with Dad alive. I was angry with everyone and everything for a long time. It cost me my marriage and my two daughters. I did remarry and the anger boiled over many times. My wife left for a couple of short periods but I begged on my knees for her to come home, with her two daughters. After far too long my turning point came after I looked into myself and realised if I did not take responsibility for my issues and seek professional help my wife would be lost and my life would end. Slowly things have turned around, but it was too late as my now adult children will not speak to me, and I have not seen any of them or my grandchildren for a number of years. However, the family breakdown is not the end of the world, as we are living in a parallel universe. I do not interfere in their world nor them in mine and life goes on for us all. I can't give you advice on how to work through your issues or how to get back on your feet financially. What I can say is that you can and will do it, with the right help. Best wishes to you on your journey. You have taken the first step by posting here.

MissBear26 · ‎10-07-2017

Hey TET,

I relate. I am a 26 female and am unemployed. I never thought that I would find myself in this position. I just can't find work. I am having to rely on payments from the government. I apply for jobs daily and just don't know what else I can do. I think people forget how stressful it is to be unemployed. Feeling desperate is horrible and suffocating. I am often moody and depressed and it is my partner who has to deal. It is hard and I truly feel for you and your Family. I try to make it up to him when I can. I may not control it when I snap but in between, I try to do the little things to remind him I care even though I suck sometimes. I hope you find work soon. You're not as alone as you think.

Starwolf · ‎10-07-2017

Hi TET, a warm welcome to you.

Well done for mustering the courage to reach out and share your concerns with us. Out of control anger is scary, not only for those at the receiving end but also for yourself. Having something taking over your life and creating havoc is a horrible feeling...like being possessed by something that has power over you. I was confronted with similar issues in my youth. A background of childhood abuse resulted in PTSD with the usual depression and anxiety attached. I also became over-reactive, with a cut snake approach to life in general. We are all different but this is what helped boot out my tormenting demons :

First of all, getting to know the enemy (its origins, triggers, how it is perceived physically etc...). It often involves long term work with a therapist. Long standing issues cannot be resolved with a quick fix and a guide is often needed.
Learning to forgive myself for behaving in a manner that was out of my control and forgiving those whose unresolved issues had put me in this position.
Mindfulness. The practice takes time and persistence but was a life saver. Learning to become aware of anger as it arises...not after we have been swept in its flow, which is what normally happens. It means teaching the mind to watch itself. It may be worth researching, along with other Relaxation techniques like Relaxed breathing and Relaxed Body Scan. To be effective, those have to be practiced daily and when all is well. It makes it easier for the mind to slip into relaxed mode when under pressure. 'The Happiness Trap' by Dr Russ Harris is a book that has been found most helpful by many. Smiling Mind is a useful app to unload. You may want to check the "Mindfulness : What is it"... thread by Blondguy (in the "Staying well" section of the forums).

Accepting that reconfiguring the mind takes time, persistence and dedication. Though I have now acquired a reputation for being "unflappable", you wouldn't have wanted to know me in my younger days...But it took years of stubborn work and many setbacks along the journey.

Have you checked with Centrelink the possibility of going on a disability pension ? If down to the bread line, please do not hesitate to contact a local charity org. They can and will help with the basics.