Anger and depression

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Something that has come up recently in conversations for me is anger. There are so many resources regarding managing or controlling anger, or about what to do when it is visited upon you by others, but what about the matter of simply possessing it, and what it does to us? I have no trouble controlling anger in its outward expression. For me, that is the problem. I've spent so much time repressing it, it's on automatic mute. And do you know what that does? It burrows in and turns on me. I'm finding it's a huge catalyst for my depression, as it just skips the venting phase almost entirely and goes straight to self-destruction. I'm willing to bet I'm not the only one here that happens to.

My little epiphany a day or two ago was this: I have a right to my anger. We all do. There are things in everyday life that make us angry. There are huge and abnormal circumstances that cause us rage. Whether it's justified or not, we feel what we feel, but it's like any sort of expression of that these days is some kind of massive taboo. Of course I'm not endorsing taking it out on your loved ones, or beating up the guy who stuffs up your change at the servo. But I've found that just talking about it, so many people will laugh it off, or try to redirect it, or tell you to calm down, or it will be okay, and all that sort of stuff. At what point did we lose the right to express anger in any way whatsoever?

This thread is for us to discuss our anger. Vent. Talk about what really grinds our gears, and about any way in which anger has impacted our lives and our depression. To share ways we know of letting out our anger without hurting anyone. I could certainly use some advice on getting it out, and some help with getting out of that automatic habit of turning it in on myself. Anything you have to share on the subject, this is the place for it.

[blondguy]

When all Marje and Homers' friends were splitting up and getting divorced, Homer sat on the couch watching the television and said "Marje...thats the problem...too much communication" in response to Marje asking why all their friends were seperating......lmao

Bluguru, after all this time...I thought you were in healthcare.....oh dear.....

I am an ex manager from the 'W' retail chain.....(food..not general merchandise)

Hugs. Paul xx

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Paul (Mr Woof) - all these Pauls, it's confusing! Can't imagine why you thought I was in health care (though we do sell vitamins, and painkillers...), I'm a little amused by that. I don't quite have the bedside manner for it, I don't think.

Paul (with Maggie Meerkat), sorry for the tears, but it sounds like they were productive ones. I'm very glad Carol and I could be of some help to you. Sadly I don't think I'm strong enough yet to follow in your footsteps after that new job, but that doesn't stop me from cheering you on. I hope you get what you need out of this and perhaps share a bit about the journey, especially if you need ongoing encouragement. I've very much appreciated your eloquence and engagement in this thread. When I made it, I hoped for a space where I and others could safely vent anger and keep it from feeding the cycle of depression that happens when it turns inward. I think anger is a productive emotion when engaged with some care and is a motivator for change, and I'm seeing that in your last post, which makes me feel pretty good about introducing the topic and inviting others to join me. So thank you for that, it has a positive impact, too.

Blue.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

P.S. That cat is just great. 🙂

[blondguy]

Good News.....There has only been 1 person that had a teenie poke at the stars and stripes in my profile pic.

The Bald Headed protected Eagle is gorgeous....The colors in the background I like...bright..blues & reds.

So many Pauls...:-)

• Maggie.....Kitty
• Prince......Woof

Carol mentioned that she misses seeing Prince (my Chow Chow German Shepard Cross) ...I posted back and said that I will have a look see and put it up before the weekend for a while..

I dont miss major league retail....the people...yes....the corporate pro shareholder focus...nope...Paulxx

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Ah yes, I did notice Carol commenting on Prince. I'd like to see him, too. 🙂

Agreed, the people I work with on the bottom rung are great. The upper management in retail... Well, they do say shit floats to the top. Behold the evidence.

[blondguy]

Yes...may they float in their own crapulence....I ran out of respect for senior management when Dire Straits released their first album.....;-)

[Lost_Girl]

Sunday was a good day. While I was still in pain, my new pain meds eased it enough for me to leave the house and to go out for a drive with the family and have lunch to celebrate Father's Day. I even managed to wash up after breakfast even though it hurt my lower back and neck to do so. I even prepared a simple dinner before it became impossible to continue then hubby took over.

I was so excited about my efforts I wrote a little list of things to do the next day including checking in with my Dr, grabbing a few items from the shop, organising a few things on the computer and making a few phone calls.

Well the pain wouldn't let me sleep until 3am, still ok....6 hours sleep is 9am, that's ok.

I woke very briefly at 12noon....looked at the clock then closed my eyes and woke again at 3:30pm. I have missed my opportunity to have my normal 12 hr pain med. I feel awful so I take my strong breakthrough 4 hrly tablet and get up. Dizzy. I sit back down. My vision is abnormally blurred. The pain is bad...much worse than normal. I do a body check...why is it so bad. All the bones in my cheek and jaw are hurting....bruxism, must have clenched my teeth....yes but hang on...runny nose too. Throat hurts, inside ears hot, hurts to swallow. Oh God, I'm sick again on top of everything else.

Get up, stumble to living room and sit. Can't move to even feed myself let alone do my list.

I feel useless and angry. Family comes home and life revolves around me. Hubby gives me dinner and a drink. Kids all go to bed. Hubby packs eldests bag for camp. He finally sits down. He tells me all about his day. I tell him that I'm sick. He says he loves me but better get to bed.

I feel angry and sad and useless.

I think about how I feel. I realise I am angry at myself. Angry because I have no control over the pain or how I will be on any given day. I'm angry that it feels like there is no end to this even though I have been told it will improve to something more manageable.

Today I am angry for not being able to be more positive. I am angry for feeling this way when hubby is ok with it. But. I am not ok with it. I am not ok with being like this every waking minute of every day.

I am not ok.

I feel sad and useless and angry.

Sorry, I needed to vent somewhere it won't hurt any feelings.

I don't need anything. I know this is something I need to accept. I just don't want to accept that this is my life right now.