A mess again

[Sadmumma]

Crying uncontrollably, trying to hide that from my husband as he gets so angry when I'm depressed. I'm continually told me & my mood wreck everything. That his life would be so much better if I wasn't in it, waiting formal dozen to work, got myself off my antidepressant at the beginning of the year but have crashed again after the ridiculously expensive & eventually ineffective "natural" paleo diet. I hate living like this

[PatT]

Hi Sadmumma,

to be honest it sounds like you're in a really unsupportive environment. If he is your husband then (ideally) he should be empathic to your issues and try to help you when you're in a dodgy state, not criticising you and telling you your depression "wrecks everything". If you aren't willing to confront him about it, then the first thing you need to do is to find a source of support, somebody you can speak to about your issues openly and freely without fear of being blamed for things.

What you're experiencing is not your fault and telling someone with depression that they're no good because of that is plain insensitive and wrong. How long has your relationship with him been like this? What is it like the majority of the time? Have you thought about marriage counselling, let alone personal counselling?

It really sounds like you need someone to talk to about this. My first piece of advice would be to speak to your GP who can potentially give you a referral to a psychologist. Secondly, what would it be like to have a serious conversation with your husband and make him aware of how much his words are hurting you? When people can't relate to mental illness and they see it hurting someone they love they often respond by getting angry, frustrated and distant. Maybe he just doesn't understand but try to make him as aware as possible.

Finally - paleo is just a diet. It's not going to reduce your depression and no diet will. 

All the best,

Pat.

[Neil_1]

Hi there sad mumma

Thank you for coming here and providing your post.

Your situation sure sounds like you are in need of some support – and while, yes we can provide it here, as often as you come here and we will, the other support options are perhaps a visit to your local gp.  Would you feel ok to do that?

You should feel very proud of yourself though for getting off your meds at the start of the year and then having the strength and will to try an alternative method.  It’s really good that you’ve tried that, cause unless you do that, you’ll never know.

Living with these depressive thoughts and feelings IS hard – it’s bloody hard and the battle is there almost each and every day.  But to try and battle through it on your own is something that is just to difficult to do – so I really hope that you might be able to reach out and seek out some professional support for yourself?

Would love to hear back from you as well.

Kind regards

Neil

[White_Rose]

Dear Sadmumma

Great to meet you and welcome. Thank you for sharing your story. It can be hard to do this but BB gives you anonymity to do this more easily. Both Neil and Pat have given you great suggestions. It is really important that you book an appointment with your doctor and get the ball rolling to get some help.

Your husband's attitude is unfortunately a quite common one. Mostly it stems from a lack of knowledge about depression. My husband used to tell me if I stopped sneezing I would no longer have hay fever. I think that's stating the bl...ing obvious and your husband appears to have a similar mindset.

Explore this site and read about depression. There are links on the home page and via the tabs above. Ask BB to send you as much as you want. Include information for family and friends and get your husband to read it. You are now battling depression and your husband's attitude and this is making life incredibly hard for you. Can you try to explain how you feel? Wait until the literature has arrived from BB.

Another immediate source of help is to phone the BB helpline on 1300 22 4636 which is available 24/7.

Antidepressants are a mixed blessing. There is a very natural desire to live free of medication and taking ADs can result in us feeling somehow weak or stupid. On the plus side ADs can really lift your mood. Some people are able to stop taking them after therapy while others like me will be taking them for the rest of my life. The crucial point is that taking meds is not a sign of weakness. In fact it shows strength because you are willing to address your difficulties. How silly would it be if we refused to take meds for diabetes or arthritis?

As Neil has commented, getting through depression is hard. Getting help and support is not only crucial but will help you regain yourself much more quickly. I agree about living the way you do. It's dreadful but you can get well again. Hold on to that thought. We are all here to help and support you, so please keep in touch.

Mary