New here and need to unload

[Braxiatel81]

Hi Everyone,

I'm very new to this forum, first post in-fact. I need to share what I've been going through and I thought this might be the place. If this is posted in the wrong place i'm sorry.

I'm 34 and married to a very understanding woman whom I have three lovely kids with. I've lived with depression and anxiety since high school but have only been seeking help and received a formal diagnosis for the last 2 years or so. I started medication, reluctantly, last year with some results. I stopped feeling sad all the time, I didn't get angry at the drop of a hat and then bottle this anger up. However, something clicked in my head and went off the medication cold turkey last Christmas. It was unpleasant to say the least. I never really felt better after going off the meds but I lied to my concerned wife. I didn't want to tell her the only reason I went off the meds was because I was gaining weight. I reluctantly went back to my GP, with my wife, early this year and went back on medication....a new type...My doctor was working closely with me to help me through this. He has been really helpful. He sent me to a number of clinical psychologists and other psychologists. He believed I have bi-polar. Once again, reluctantly I went along...I stopped going to the physiologist the previous year because  I felt uncomfortable talking about things. Anyway, I went along to told that I didn't really have depression of any form at all that It was merely my personality with some anxiety and that he doesn't think medication will help. I came out of the appointment upset, angry and unsure of where to go and what to do.  I still feel that way....helpless and and hopeless sums up how I currently feel. I immediately went off my medication and havn't been near my GP since. I feel like an absolute idiot. Since going of the medication things have gone down hill yet I cant bring myself to admit this to my wife. I have a woman at work I talk to but I don't feel like I can continually talk to her as I don't want to overburden her.

I needed to share this with the hope that talking to others about it might make me feel a little better.

[Lookingforpeace]

Hi Brax

Unfortunately sometimes psychologists and doctors misdiagnose which can lead to frustration, like it has with you. Do you think you have depression and/or anxiety? If so then that's all the diagnosis you need and you can seek help for it.

I know what you mean by feeling like you are burdening someone. I'd like to say you shouldn't feel that way and that your wife and friends love you and are happy to support u - and that would be true - but I would feel like a hypocrite as I too don't like talking about it often. 

Take active steps to improve your mental health and I hope things start to look up for you.

[Braxiatel81]

Hi LookingforPeace

 Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I've had multiple medical professionals diagnose me with depression and anxiety and that all made sense to me. I accepted this diagnosis and understood it, after taking a while to get my head around it and after multiple 2nd opinions. To then have this one person come out and basically tell me it was just my personality hammered me. How I reacted was not helpful, I know that and I that's probably the reason I feel like I do now. I am at the end of my teether with this...I don't know what to do or where to go.

[geoff]

dear Brax, hi and I know that it is very difficult to decide whether or not to post a comment to people you don't even know, but that's what this site is about, no face to face and hope that there is someone that understands what I am saying, well we have so many different comments that are posted, in which we all or some of us relate to.

At the moment it appears as though you toss a coin and heads says yes I will continue on the medication or tails you will stop, well don't worry that's how we all feel at times, however it's never a good idea to stop medication at will, and then start another one prescribed to you, and again it's heads to continue or tails to stop, because non of us can fix our own depression and this includes all the different types of depression, including BPD.

We don't know how to handle this illness ourselves, sure we think that we do, but how wrong this can be.

There are problems which all of us have and to believe that we can overcome them may or may not happen, sure the minor problems we feel as though we have corrected them, but it's those deep deep problems we avoid and can't overcome them by ourself.

Sorry I maybe repeating myself but it's true, such as, you go up to your wife/husband and say 'honey I know what I am doing wrong and will fix this', great in theory, but can't be done.

What is the point of going to see a psychologist and telling them that there is nothing wrong, because you come out and feel exactly how you felt, backwards and certainly disappointed, and probably wasted a lot of your money, these professionals are trained and know that you aren't telling the truth, but can't help you unless you want to start helping yourself, so they go onto the next patient who wants help.

We can find another person outside of our marriage who wants to listen to us, but you have to trust them so that they won't spread the word, even though they promised never to, but how many times has this caused trouble.

I'm not saying that you may have a friend who wants to help you, because this is very important, someone to console with, because we all need this, however I would suggest that you go back or even try another doctor which you can find under 'Get Support' at the top of this page, as they are aligned with BB and specifically handle people with mental disorders.

(175 left) There maybe points I have raised and in no way were they meant to upset you. Geoff.

[Lookingforpeace]

One thing I will add is that it's NOT your personality, there is nothing wrong with u. Depression and anxiety doesn't discriminate and I'm surprised this "professional" essentially implied that this was "all in your head".

Agree with Geoff that you should find another doctor.

Also, keep posting on here, I always find it very helpful. Best of luck 

[White_Rose]

Dear Braxiatel

Hello and welcome. I have read the posts from you and other responders and I find myself a little confused. You say a number of medical professionals have stated that you have depression and anxiety and yet one dissenting voice has you going off your medication and staying away from help. I know it's hard to talk to someone and none of us like taking medication, but the reality is you will not get well on your own.

Getting well takes time and determination as well as some professional help. Surely you have come across a psych who you can get on with. It takes several sessions to feel comfortable with a psych, just as it does with a new acquaintance. You don't know where to go or what to do? But you do. Go back to your GP and explain the what has happened. You were happy with the GP originally, so what has changed? Do you disbelieve him on the advice of one other person when you have been on good terms in the past? And you say he helped you.

GPs are pretty cluey people, they have to be. They may not have the in-depth knowledge of specialists but they know enough to make good diagnoses and refer you to an appropriate other. Why have you gone to a number of other psychs? Pick one that was reasonable and stay with him/her.

Talking can be uncomfortable but this is the reason why you need to talk. Clearly you have issues otherwise there would be no hassle in chatting with these people. Psychs tend to ask questions to help you relax and give you a lead. Just follow it for a while and see where it goes. You sound a very impulsive person as demonstrated by going off ADs cold turkey even though this medication was helping you. Weight gain can be a side effect but it needs to be discussed with your doctor who could have prescribed another AD. Instead you threw it all away.

If you are serious about getting to the crux of your problems then stay with it. Your GP can start you back on medication and send you to whichever psych you prefer. Why do you feel like an idiot? Is it because someone has given you a different diagnosis and told you, in effect, it's your own fault? What rubbish this person has said. Please start again and stay with the program. If it is difficult to talk then write down all you thoughts, fears, questions, doubts and anything else. Either read to the person concerned or give it to that person to read. Trust the psych to help you through the difficulties.

Please write in again.

Mary

[Braxiatel81]

Thanks everyone for the comments  and discussion. I didn't react well to one bad appointment and I took a step backwards by going off my medication...it was a knee jerk reaction to something that, having spoken to another professional, shouldn't have happened. Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know I back to see a GP this afternoon...I need to feel better for my kids and my wife. After tears and anger over the last few days I realised I need to do it for them, I don't want to go back down that dark alley.

[White_Rose]

Hello Brax

Great news that you have seen your GP. Have you been referred to another psych? Or has this been a discussion session. No need to give details unless you want to.

Getting well for your wife and children is great. But don't forget yourself. You deserve to be well just for yourself and you need to do things for yourself, such as be alone on occasions or socializing with fiends. Don't get hung up on the "I can't do this, it's selfish". Whatever helps you makes life better for your family.

I hope you keep us up to date with your progress.

Mary

[Narniakid]

Hey Braxiatel81! Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us.

I am sorry to hear you had such a difficult time with the doctors. Unfortunately, it isn't uncommon to be misdiagnosed, particularly with mental illnesses. I went to about 5 different doctors and psychologists before I got one that I felt comfortable with. Keep trying, you'll find a suitable one.

It is wonderful to hear you went back to your GP. What did they say about the medication situation? For anxiety and depression medication, it isn't a good idea to just stop taking them, if you are going to quit them, you need to wein off them over at least a week, so your body has time to adjust.

I suggest giving the hotline a call and looking into alternative treatments. There's so much fantastic information available here on the website, so have a read of that.

Crystal