a little sad, a little lonely, and a whole lot confused

[stressyspaghetti]

Hi everyone,

My life lately has gone from bad to worse, i as of late have no friends (due to cutting them all out after they spread my personal secrets and mocked me behind my back for years), a mother who "hates" me and cant wait for me to "get out of her house" (her words not mine), no extended family, flopping grades, no interest in anything, i struggle eating a whole plate of food, and constant exhaustion.

My family and i have never had a great relationship, now its just my younger sister, mother, and i. my mother gets angry a lot, and although she doesnt physically abuse me or anything like that, she leaves me feeling really bad about myself and i spend a lot of time crying in my room. I feel really stupid about everything, like logically i know lots of people have it worse but life just feels really bad at the moment and its like my life is going downhill rapidly.

I've tried self help guides, doing things that i use to love, tried meditating and running and that kinda stuff. none of it made me feel better. ive even tried the whole "love yourself" method of spending time with me and taking myself on adventures and stuff. It just makes me sad seeing everyone else with their friends and knowing i have nothing like that.

When i go to school everyones always making fun of me and pushing me over in corridors and kicking my face into my locker (that was my old best friend). I tried going to the councillor and he told me "everyone has a right to feel safe at school" and i was being paranoid. I dont struggle meeting new people but i feel the worlds against me.

Any advice would be great, i feel trapped in a bubble of sadness and i want to get out.

Thanks!

[spaceboots]

Hi there stressyspaghetti,

I feel really sad reading your post. I am sorry to hear about what's been happening in your life - and how alone you feel. Unfortunately, those "friends" you mentioned, who gossip and mock you behind your back... aren't really your true friends. I know that is hard to hear because you've probably shared a lot of yourself with them, and trusted them to be there for you. As much as it hurts having to keep those friends out of your life, it will be for the best because true friends love, respect and care for your well-being.

The situation with your mother is more complicated. I grew up being constantly criticised and insulted by my mother too, and while it hurts a lot, I realise now that it was never about me. I'm not sure about your mother's personal situation but she probably isn't coping so well herself - but that is not an excuse for her to demean you and put you down. While there are many people who are suffering in the world, your life experience is valid, and so are your feelings. Please don't ever feel like you are not worthy of love and kindness.

I'd really suggest seeing another counsellor if you can, or your GP to get a mental health care plan to see a psychologist. It really helps to talk about this with someone who is a professional in the area, and who can help provide some coping strategies. Wishing you love and strength.

[stressyspaghetti]

thank you heaps for your advice, i have considered talking to my mother about seeking professional help but she calls me "soft in the head" and tells me my pains are nothing compared to hers. Plus, i dont really want to try her because she wants to kick me out of the house now (i am under 18). It's really great hearing that someone else understands what im going through, i just feel so alone. Thank you.

[courtmonitor]

Hey Stressyspaghetti,

I'm so sorry to hear about the really tough time you're having. I want to encourage you to see a new counsellor. These people have a duty of care to help you out and if they're not doing their job you shouldn't be ashamed to find some more assistance elsewhere.

Speak to you next time.

[Ladyrose]

Dear Stressyspaghetti,

My heart goes out to you, and the loneliness you are feeling. Please take heart in knowing you are not alone, and many people care.

As others have suggested, seek help via another school councillor, or perhaps your local GP. Are there any groups you can join at school or after school where you can feel included? Check and see if your local shire or community have groups you can get involved in. Can you speak to your sibling about how you feel, or an extended family member?

I wish you so much happiness in your life journey, and that you get the support that you deserve and need.

[stressyspaghetti]

Hi LadyRose,

Thank you so much for your kind words. Sadly, my school has only one main councillor and my attempts of seeing a GP would mean either my mother sits with me or i dont go. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I do a few club activities in my school, but the people i work with are so different and they dont really like me no matter what i do. My youngest sibling is at the 'the-world-is-against-me' age and she spends most of her time in her room. It's only her, my mother, and i. luckily im off to uni in a couple of years, im just holding out until then.

[stressyspaghetti]

Hi CourtMonitor,

Speaking to the councillors at my school has never worked for anyone. They arent even qualified to be called councillors (we have to call them wellbeing-monitors). In addition, their advice is mainly to focus more on school work and that "everyone deserves to have a happy environment, try putting yourself in the perpetrators mind". I have tried reaching out to my mother to ask her to allow me to get into contact with one however she is opposed to this idea, saying that i am enough of a drain on her money without throwing a "psych" into the mix. Thank you for your advice, but i think i will just have to soldier on!

[Ladyrose]

Hi Stressyspaghetti,

Just wanted to check in and see how you are going? Have you managed to get the help you need?

You know you can call various helplines, which may give you the support you need when you are feeling at your worst.

I do hope things are improving for you.