Would anyone else like a new friend? I do!

[Nikki_24]

Hey guys, i've seen a few others posting about looking for friends but they have a few replies already so i thought i'd start a new one.

I'm a tad bit lonely as i only have a few close friends but i don't get to see them often, and i also don't really get to talk to them/don't feel too comfortable talking to them about things personal to me, like when i'm having a hard time. I would really like to make a friend who i can get to know deeply and support, and in return share about myself and feel supported. I find it quite hard to do this sometimes when everyone is so busy with life! I've been feeling quite isolated lately and am really craving deep connection with people who are understanding and kind.

So if anyone is in the same boat as me, hit me up!

Here's a bit about me:

I'm in my 20s, love the beach, skating, gym, reading. I'm at uni studying psychology. I'm very introverted - probably too introverted for my own good, i want to have friends but then also want to spend time by myself...bit of a stitch up haha

I think I'll leave it at that for now...also happy new year 🙂

[BipolarBro]

We’re super similar! I’m 23. My anxiety and isolation has wrecked all of my friendships. I haven’t had a real connection with anyone for a couple of years. I am never honest with anyone about how I really feel, it makes socialising or talking to people feel pointless. It would be cool to have someone who understands

I left uni last year to start a business with my friend who lives overseas. So I spend most days working at home. I like going for hikes, gaming, programming, watching basketball and football.

happy new year 🙂

[BipolarBro]

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[Nikki_24]

Wow we are really similar! I can relate so much with never being honest about how you feel. Socialising does often pointless when you can’t be honest and it all feels surface level, fake and routine! So many times I’ve hang out with a friend and wanted so badly to connect and I’ll ask them all about themselves and what they’ve been doing and then I wait for them to ask about me (sometimes they don’t which feels really bad) but when they do ask about me, I only give a little bit of info and hold so much back because I either don’t feel like they won’t understand, or it just doesn’t seem to be the time/place, I don’t want to burden them or put them in a bad mood, whatever reason...and then when I leave I feel like I didn’t really connect with them at all. I feel like none of my friends or family actually know me that well because I hold so much of myself in. I want to be open so I can have a proper connection with someone but being vulnerable and honest is scary and feels awful.
Is that similar to how you feel, or a bit different?

I also relate so much to anxiety wrecking your relationships. When I’m struggling and could really do with a friend I have all sorts of thoughts/feelings that make me feel like a burden, like they’ll be too busy, I don’t want to interrupt them with my problems, I feel like I should isolate myself from everyone to spare them the trouble of being around me.

Phew I wrote a lot, sorry I’m just stoked to have someone who is similar and understands!!

I’m really keen to know more about you 🙂 how do you go coping with feeling lonely and disconnected? Especially since it’s been a couple of years since you’ve felt a real connection with someone!
And do you think you’ve ever been totally open and honest with anyone in your life about how you truly feel?

(also I love hiking too, any cool places you recommend?)

[BipolarBro]

No, everything you said is EXACTLY how I feel. It’s always hard to know how much to say to people, I don’t want to come across as crazy but it’s also hard for anyone to understand why I’ve changed so much unless I am honest about everything. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t experienced feeling this way would be able to understand anyway, so I don’t think being scared to be vulnerable is unreasonable?


I think my biggest problem is that I have no one to be 100% real with, I don’t want or expect everyone I know to be this deep with me but just having someone like you to talk to would make things easier.

How long have you felt this way? Did it begin because of something traumatic in your life?


I have gone through different phases dealing with the disconnect and loneliness. I feel like I’ve adapted in a way, I can get through most of the day on my own holding everything in, but I get overcome with loneliness at random times, particularly at night time. The thought of feeling like this my whole life and potentially never having anyone that can relate scares me as well.


Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been totally myself with anyone, so not really. I am close with my mum and sister and they are very understanding, but I’ve never really let everything out to them. My best mate is super understanding as well, he’s the only friend I really talk to about mental health at all, but I am not totally honest with him either. What about you? Do you have anyone you’re very close to?


I’m in the ACT, there are a fair few cool places to go walking around here, I haven’t gone much lately but I want to start again.

How do you feel around Christmas and New Years? Is it a happy time for you or depressing?

I’m keen to know more about you too, it’s exciting knowing someone out there is feeling the same way as me 🙂

[Nikki_24]

Yeah the fear of not wanting someone to think you're crazy is a big one for me too!

I've struggled with anxiety and depression since my teens, and i've felt lonely through out but it's been the past couple of months that the loneliness and lack of connection has really started to get intense and bother me, I feel sorry that you have felt like this for years!

I actually had a little look online recently for mental health support groups. I was in a pretty bad mental state and i felt like it would help a little bit if i could tell just one person what was going on, and i was thinking a support group would be a good place for that, perhaps less scary to open up if everyone is in the same boat. I did feel a bit pathetic though googling support groups. Like i'm 24, i should have more friends and better relationships with people, i shouldn't be having to go online to find people to be friends with. And i'd feel awkward telling someone in my life that i'm going to a support group, kinda sounds like i'm addict going to support meetings, but I found one where i live so i'm going to check it out next week, I'm hoping i might be able to feel a bit connected to someone.

I'm the same as you, i've talked to my mum a bit, and a couple of friends and shared little bits but have never been totally open/honest with someone. I'm really glad that i can be someone you can relate with, that's one great thing about the internet, but i really hope you find someone in your life who can be with you in person too. It's good to hear you have one best mate who you can talk to a bit, i hope one day you can be full honest self with someone! I imagine that would feel like a relief

I don't think I feel like way because of anything traumatic in particular...stuff like family trouble and religion has had a big impact, but sometimes i feel like it's just my personality/nature to be sad and stressed. Like other people seem to be naturally happy and have positive mindsets but i feel i have to put a lot of effort into being happy and positive, and that's quite frustrating and exhausting sometimes. What about you? And i hope you don't me asking but i was wondering from your profile name, do you have bipolar?

Christmas and NYE is usually a happy time for me. This NYE was a bit lonely, my friends had plans with other people so i sat at home by myself feeling a bit pathetic haha what about you?

[BipolarBro]

That’s awesome that you’re going to a support group. I hope you’re able to find people you can talk to. You shouldn’t be ashamed or feel weird about it at all, maybe you can just keep it lowkey and don’t tell anyone you are going if you think they will judge you?


Yeah, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with type 2 bipolar, so it’s not hallucinations or anything, but phases of bad anxiety and occasional phases of depression. It’s the main reason I’ve struggled to keep relationships with people because when I’m in a depressed phase I stop talking to everyone and barely leave my room. Do you go to a psychiatrist?


I always find new years a little depressing because I feel like another year has gone past and my mental health has stopped me from achieving things I want to. Does your anxiety and depression hold you back from doing things you want to? How does it affect your uni experience?


Hope you’re doing okay:)

[Nikki_24]

I can definitely understand the thing of not talking to anyone or leaving your room when you're in a depressed stage. Have you found that anything helps when you are in a depressed stage, or is it the kind of thing where you just have to wait it out till it passes? Also, have you experienced anything similar to the up/manic part of bipolar?

I've seen a psychologist on and off, the kind of thing where i'll go for a few months and it will help a lot and we both decide i'll be fine without it, but then a few months down the track i'm struggling a lot so i back again, which is always a bit frustrating. Has it been helpful for you to see a psychiatrist? I've heard a few people say that psychiatrists tend to prescribe medications but don't do much else, and that's it's hard to find one who combines medication with therapy.

There is definitely a lot of pressure to be better off at the end of the year in comparison to how you were at the start! It can be pretty disheartening to feel like you're not improving or moving forward, i understand that feeling too. Is there anything in particular you would have liked to achieved this past year but feel your mental health got in the way?

It's funny you ask if my mental health affects uni because the last few days have been particularly difficult, i have 2 assessments due soon but i've been in bed majority of the last few days. Feeling better today though and i've got a lot of uni work done which is a relief! It is definitely hard when there's due dates for assessments and exams coming up and I might be having a rough time and lose all my motivation and energy, but i still manage to get stuff done on time which is good. Do you find it a bit easier to manage work since you work at home?