Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Magyarok]

........ here's some more really bad pirate jokes for you:)

Why did the pirate buy an eye patch?  Because he couldn't afford an iPAD!

What is a pirates favourite fish?  A GOLDfish!

Why is a pirate a pirate?  Because they Aarrrrrrr!!!!

What is a pirates favourite craze?  Planking!

(wouldn't be great if we could make that scurvee mongrel black dog walk the plank never to be see again!)

Enjoy!

Dave

[CMF]

How many pirates does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they just stand around ARRRrrguing about it!

How did the pirate stop smoking?

he used a patch

Have you heard about the new pirate movie?

It's AARRRRRRRRRR rated

Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

Because they can spend many years at C

[Neil_1]

A man and a woman go to the Doctor's and then produce a very strange request.

"Doc, could you please watch us make love".  So the Doc does as he is told - and this little practise happens a couple of times each week;   when on the 3rd week ("it took the Doc a decent while before he asked this question");  when on the 3rd week, the Doc says, "Ok, you two what's going on?"

The man says:

"Well, I'm married, so we can't go to my place.

She's married, so we can't go to her place.

The Country Comfort motel charges $90 for a room.

You charge $75 and we get $46 back on Medicare".   🙂   🙂

[White_Rose]

This page has not been used for a while so I thought I would revive it.

Children's letters to God

Dear God: Did you really mean "Do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you do then I'm gonna fix my brother.

Dear God: I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. It was really cool.

Weird Headlines

Man shoots neighbor with a machete (The Miami Herald July 3)

Teenage girls often have babies fathered by men. (The Sunday Oregonian, Sept 24)

Enjoy and watch this space.

Mary

[Neil_1]

It's been a little while since I've posted on this - so it's time.

"News report last night that a bunch of toilets were stolen from the local cop shop.  Police say they've got nothing to go on".

And with the quality of that one, it's probably a good idea I stay away for another while.

[CrashCoyote]

It's still Wednesday;

Wifey and I told the psych that our love life was lacking excitement. He asked if we always did it in the bedroom, to which we admitted. He told us that variety was the spice of life and if we were in the lounge room and felt like it, or cooking dinner in the kitchen, to just do it then and there. He asked to report back next week.

Next week we went back and happily reported that it was just the tonic. I said to him, "Doc, we were eating dinner the other night and I was overcome with desire. I threw the missus up onto the table and we made passionate love for twenty minutes." My wife blushed accordingly but smiled. He said, "So it was worth it?" I said, "Hell, yeah, but I don't think they'll let us back into McDonalds again."

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Mary,

Can we do religious jokes? Because I always thought that nuns had some dirty habits......

[CrashCoyote]

A stranger in a bar said to me, "I'm into sadism, necrophilia and bestiality. Am I flogging a dead horse?"

[White_Rose]

Hello CC

Religious jokes are fine.  I'm told the Pope makes the best catholic jokes.

And talking of jokes, here's a Christmas cracker joke.

What do you get when Woolworths burns down?

Wait for it.............

Coles.

Yes I know, but it was in a cracker.

Mary

[Neil_1]

Ok, it's not Wednesday, but that doesn't mean we can't have a 'bad joke' on a Saturday - and after all, it's been over 3 weeks since there's been one. 

So if anyone out there has a good joke, a bad joke or just any joke, feel free to come along and provide something - anything is good.

As you're going to see below.

"Two owls sitting on a branch;   one with blood coming out of its beak.  One owl says, 'What happened to you?'    The bloodied owl says:  'See that tree over there?'

The first owl says, 'Yeaaaahhhh?'

The bloodied owl says, 'Well, I didn't!'