The Transcendent Rainbow Cafe - social space for LGBTI members

[Paul]

It would be so great to have a thread here where we can chat about almost anything. We can have fun, tell jokes, share stories, you name it!

There's a "BB Cafe" thread in the general area where lots of people chat daily and have established some nice light hearted conversations, it's treated as if it's a real cafe, there's even virtual baked goods and coffee!

Let's create a chat here for anyone to join, in particular the GLBTIQ community to let their collective hair down and chill out. It's a safe space to be yourself.

We just need a name 🙂

[inner_strength_]

Hi Bob,

Lovely to meet you! That is a great and genuine introduction, good on you ha!


Hi Birdy77,
Welcome back! Hopefully you are doing okay? Didn’t come back for a while but it is nice to pick up where we left off!

Hi Sez
Missed you!
Age would range between 24 and 39 and reside in Inner West of NSW
Interests would be quite general sounding it seems but oh well, enjoy them myself so that would be writing, films, music, dance, language, LGBTQI+ areas, rain, Youtube, mental health and let’s say animals for now (love animals more than humans, without a doubt) oh and voiceover! Have a number of interests that are of course, not simple to break down into a small paragraph ha!
Tv shows would be Law and Order SVU, Wentworth, any British crime, documentaries, generally, not much of a tv person, more Youtube or movies!

Wow Just Sara, that second pick-up line, what a catch! HAHA!

Not sure if would have classier than yours! Plus, being in a relationship, would not have probably anything to offer ha!

MsPurple, oh great! Is the job to go overseas or to have a job to eventually go overseas and where? Oo interesting

Ooooh startingnew, what is involved with the local womens social group? That is great, you can only get stronger!

Pretty sure this has been asked by myself and others before but for this question of the moment,

what would you recommend doing in order to make new friends?

and

what experiences do you have (if any) of friendships coming to an end? why? and how did you accept or overcome this?

This is not meant to be too dark, wanting some advice for myself and others! Hope you guys are doing well

Hello, to people going through the posts, feel free to post!

thanks, inner strength

[MsPurple]

HI inner strength.

I had a job interview today. It is just a casual/part-time job but it is for a menu monitor job which is local. Would be good to have so I can have more savings when I go overseas.

What have you been up to IN?

and to answer your qu

what would you recommend doing in order to make new friends? I started doing more hobbies. I like going to the gym and I made a friend though that. I also made a friend through a friend. She also suggested I do triathlons so am making friends through that. Just trying to open myself up to things I like doing and talking to people and just seeing how that goes

and

what experiences do you have (if any) of friendships coming to an end? why? and how did you accept or overcome this? I had a friendship come to an end. IT was a small argument. She de friended me on fb and didn't reply to my text (I only said nice things). I was down about it for a while, then realised I don't need a friend who won't work thought small things together and would just de friend me and make me feel like crap.

[Just Sara]

Dear Eyes;

You're a peach! Thankyou for your lovely feedback.

Answer to your question; 'Did you always identify as bi?' No, I didn't know there was a word for it. I 'felt' things. Had no idea you could be bi; that's what confused me. No role models or others who 'admitted' they felt like I did.

I was mainly drawn to men, but there was a side of me that 'fell in love' with women. (girls too when I was little) Some sexual encounters in my 20's and 30's, but lack of confidence and a tender heart bought me undone.

I've wanted someone gentle because I'm gentle. Aggressive men and women frighten me. I took the initiative once (in early 30's) with a woman I really felt a lot for. I was gentle, loving and she responded in kind.

A week later she and her friend got drunk and tried to force me into a threesome. It broke my heart. I gave up after that; until meeting the online woman who assaulted me. I haven't had much luck I'm afraid.

My ideal situation would be to meet someone who'd give me the opportunity to love them first. Then I could express myself sexually with confidence as I did in my 30's. I really need a beautiful soul to care for and adore.

It's idealistic for sure, but something I'd like to explore none the less. Sigh...dreams are free.

SN;

I have 3 medium sized safety glass panes to make into pseudo lead light windows for my back deck. I have all the paint etc I need, but I've felt a sense of apathy for a while now, so, it hasn't happened. Ne' mind.. one day.

Please keep us up-to-date with your group situation. xo

Hey MsP;

I hope all goes well at the interview and you're onto earning travel money for your trip. Where are you going? Do we get a 'post' card while you're away? 😄 Hope so!

Well, that's it for today. Shout out's to Rayne, Bob and Birdy...hey guys!!

Talk soon;

Sez xoxo

[startingnew]

Afternoon all! Sooo hot starting to think I live in an overpriced sauna!




Inner Strength-
I think your on the right track with what youve written. Confusing really but that life. I figure the only way to find out is to just let things flow. No more denying feelings for any gender, just go with the flow and see where it takes me. Currently dating isnt abit later down the track, I need to learn social skills. That is one of the most challanging things for me esp in recent light when I couldnt even keep an online friendship. Through fb and via like one of the support groups online for mh.
Just last night out o the blue she asked to send her a friend request and my insticnts were saying something was off. It was. In the time she had asked to be 'friends' on fb the admin of the group I was in deleted me, blocked me and all other people that had contacted me not the other way around mind you- blocked me. All 6 of them then when I went to send her a fb as I was unaware of what was actually happening- deleted and blocked by her too. I must really bad human characteristics for sure. No one person has the decency to explain what the heck happened. And thats the first 'friendship' incident either. Makes me question what im doing wrong! And need to work out what is causing my internal physical illness- they think either gallbladder issues or a stomach ulcer so in the middle of testing. Not sure anyone would want to date someone who likes to be fine one minute then on the floor in pain the next lol.






As for advice ive got no idea as explained above. My social interactions are that great. Most of the time I either freeze inside and then end up stuttering and then the anxiety spirals or I come across as rude because I freez on the inside and cant seem to keep a normal conversation happening and look like im taking an interest when I actually am I just cant get the words out sort of thing. I dont not mean for either of those to happen at all.

The one thing that alsways comes to mind are 2 things
1. how much do you reveal about yourself as in im not one to just jump in and say these are my hobbies. I often let people talk first and engage that way. How do others deal with this?


2. for both friendships and dating- do you meantion mental health issues? Are you straight up, or do you wait till its noticable one day? I tend to be extremely private and because ive suppressed it for so long it doesnt show externally but internally its a whole other story!

[startingnew]

Hmm deserts- I think one of my top ones are chocolate chip cookies but they have to be gooey not rock hard, chocolate brownies with white choclate pieces and carrot cake but like cooking basically anything. I cant for the life of me get caramel to work! But I will and then will make caramel slice.


The womens group runs for 12 weeks for people betweent he ages of 20 and 30, and each session runs for 3 hrs one day a week with a variety of activities. A few that were meantioned were dream catcher making, baking classes, art classes, walking around the town, board/card game days, and just hanging out in general in a more controlled meantion its supervised and any issues can be directed to supervisor. Hopefully I can make some friendships out of this.

Sez- people can be so horrible, i dont blame you at all for how your feeling! i woudve run too! i really hope that someone comes along soon for you. do you mind me asking what you mean by 'give me the opportunity to love them first'? it that like meeting someone shy and bringing them out of their shell to speak- or am i way off?

im sure your artwork will look beautiful when your finsihed, theres no rush. i find the more you pressure yourself to do it the worse the art comes out and then sprials into frustration. some just have to be in the mood to anything and i know whats been happeing for you and im not surprised your feeling apathy tbh.

[startingnew]

hey Sez, also if you dont mind. im having a latest predicament and a few thoughts that i think you could help with from a mentoring perspective, you have experience in this and you know your stuff. i also trust you with what is happening. its on the last page of my thread- no need to read beyond those last few comments.....

[inner_strength_]

Hi MsPurple,
Oh nice! Oo what is a menu monitor job? Oh great, when and what will you be doing overseas?

Were you asking what I’d been up to? Ha, not sure! Looking for work, trying to work on taking time when there is so much stress, arranging life and attempting to be creative again. A bit vague but working a lot out!

Thanks for your answers! That is so cool! Wow, how did your friendship begin at the gym? My partner and myself go to a gym too and have considered talking to people! Don’t want people to get the wrong impression haha! Why does it feel these days that when you are nice to people, they think you want to get into bed with them? Ha! Guess it is the superficiality of this time!
Well done to you, that is great! Must be really proud of yourself

Great answer too, you have a great persona of getting on with what makes you feel okay! Understand the whole, do not let “friends” treat you poorly but what do you do from the perspective of someone like myself who distanced myself for too long and people think that had not bothered to remain friends but really had a number of dark times? Maybe, that is a big question haha! Really, have accepted that I’d matured a lot quicker than a lot of my prior friends and feel it is okay to leave that in the past. But, it is hard not to miss that, because get to a point of well maybe do not need to bother with people and people are selfish and do not care.
It is tricky, torn between people being selfish and not nice AND giving people chances and not judging too quickly! Although, we cannot deny that we all judge!

[inner_strength_]

Hi Just Sara,
Feel like I’ve connected with a lot of what or how you express yourself! Fascinated! You have an intriguing and lovely way with words!

Oh wow, that is interesting! For myself too, there was such a lack of LGBTQI+ content and almost forced myself to pretend to like guys in my teen years and it was damn hard. Always would have certain dreams and set up a wedding in primary to marry my friend Amy but so strange to myself, was that, kind of went with it and didn’t always or couldn’t always place my feelings either. Obviously, not saying we have the same experience, relating is all.

Aw, that is so sweet. Really want you to find that special person! Oh you poor darling, that is so devastating! That is interesting about ‘opportunity to love them first’, do you mean TIME to understand them first? Would hope someone would take very good care of you! Am very gentle, protective and loving to my partner but do have a lot of misplaced anger in so many ways. It is very difficult, do not have any supportive family. Have identified more and more over time, that my destructive-ness has come from always being put down and hope that I’m able to continue identify before being assertive. It has a lot to do with grief, a lot of grief and not having support aside from with my partner. With your experiences, do you think someone can change?

Hope from what you have mentioned, that I’d not ever turn into such a frightening person!

hope you are having a pleasant day or evening!

[inner_strength_]

Hi startingnew,
Haha! Are you saying I’m confusing or the topic? As mentioned earlier about being torn, it is tricky because you always want to meet somewhere in the middle with anything (‘you’, being the collective you and by that, mean in moderation). As in, going with the flow and let time play out is great but then people may say, don’t wait for the right time and be assertive for what you want (not saying you aren’t). There is for sure, too much pressure with labels. There are many same-sex attracted women out there who prefer not to be labeled anything, that is myself for sure. But then others say, it is good and useful to have labels. It is difficult but sexuality is confusing and not meant to be defined as how can you define emotions? Like, how can you measure emotion?

Perhaps, more experience and more of understanding yourself is key. Have understood so much about myself, whether it be, being put down by family and realizing that you have to grow by yourself and be or become stronger by hurt OR learning more my attraction to women, from Youtubers explaining experiences. It really was a lot of connecting thoughts and feelings over the years and then being in the presence of women and men and realizing butterflies only occurred for women. It really is experience and exposure and not everything has to be sexual. MsPurple has found friendships through hobbies, do you have LGBTQI+ friendships or role models? What hobbies do you have? Interested!

[inner_strength_]

Don’t understand why you were blocked? Please don’t let that effect you! People’s egos can be too big! Online can be so misunderstood too! How long were you talking to them online? Oh, you poor thing, there could be a number of reasons but don’t be too stressed? Do you take anti-acids? Try and avoid anything too acidic!

Don’t be so harsh on yourself! ‘who likes to be fine one minute’, it is not like you chose to feel physically unwell!

Even with the anxiety you mentioned, people are never going to fully understand us at all times so do not worry as coming across as rude! Trust me, it is hard to understand thoughts, emotions and why your body decides to shut down sometimes ha! But things figure themselves out and the more you do, the more you will understand yourself!

For your questions,
if someone says ‘oh, love tennis’. If you do love tennis, can say oh that is great blah blah blah. If you don’t , you could say, oh that is great, really love movies as a hobby myself, how about you? Have watched a movie recently. Or if there personality is funny and not easy offended, then you could say ‘oh, no, I’m not a fan of tennis haha but…’ oh, hmm maybe not sure about the last one there! Putting it out there, but if you met people at your hobbies, then things may flow more easily. For example, you meet at painting classes, could say, so how often do you come here? Oh that is a great painting, where is that of? Oh, love the outdoors and hiking. Eh, my opinion is putting it out there. It must be bloody hard to be a relationship expert haha