Mother's Day 2015

[Doolhof]

Hi everyone. Mother's Day can mean so many things to different people. I am wondering how you all think about Mother's Day?

Do you have a close relationship with your Mum, Nana, Grandma, Mother in law, Aunty or a lady in your life who is like a Mother to you?

If you are a Mum, how do you feel about that role in your life? If you have never been a Mum due to choice or circumstances, how does that make you feel?

For me, Mother's Day can be a sad and lonely time, and at the same time I can celebrate with my Mum and my Mother in law.

Am I a Mum? Yes and no. I have been pregnant 5 times but have no live children.

I have a Mum whom I try so hard to love and care for but who also has mental health issues so the relationship is often strained and hard to live with at times. It seems often that Mum is not aware of how much pain she causes people. But she is still my Mum.

So are you looking forward to Mother's Day or are you dreading it?

If it is the latter, then try to come up with things you can do now to ensure you do not feel too much sadness, regret, misery and pain on Mother's Day.

We will be catching up with my Mother in law this year and I will phone my Mum as she lives too far away for me to visit unless I stay over night. I will be thinking of my babies with lots of love and may mark the day with flowers for myself, or I may light some candles.

I will leave this for now and see what replies I receive.

Cheerio for now, from Mrs. Dools,   Lauren

[Doolhof]

Hi TMB,

Thanks. I have brought away a lot of positives from my weekend. I realised a long time ago that my husband is just not there for me emotionally and doesn't know how to help me in a way I need regarding my depression.

So I need to focus on how he does try to help and assist me, even if it feels like he is pushing me away in the process!

We had a lovely day together yesterday, everything goes really well as long as I don't mention my depression and emotions! So as we were driving around yesterday I was having a chat with God instead.

Not out loud! I think that would have been a bit too much for my husband. Ha., Ha.

Sorry to read that you have been flat with a cold. Hope you get to watch the rest of the movies. It could be interesting to swap them around, watch half of one, then half of another and see what the outcome is!

My husband falls asleep on the couch a lot and sometimes becomes a little confused regarding the story line of a movie as he has fallen asleep and another movie has started.

Our Dad used to take us out fishing. He made a 12 or 15 ft dingy out of wood and fibre glassed it. We would go out on a pitch black night gar fishing with a little net. Years later we discovered Dad couldn't swim and we didn't have life jackets!

I used to catch Tommie roughs from the jetty and what ever else came onto the hook. A friend of Dad's would sit on the jetty for hours with me teaching me about fishing and life. (all innocent stuff as I was only about 12 or 14)

A local guy used to beach net for tuna. Us local kids would help drag the tuna up on to the beach and the guy would let us take a fish home for our efforts.

I had an excellent cat when I was a kid. He would walk along the beach with me and he also sat on the jetty patiently waiting for me to catch him a fish. After he had eaten it, he would walk home.

Yes, I did want to bring that dear cat home from the animal shelter! It is so tempting to return there and bring him/her home but my husband and our existing cat would have their whiskers put out of place. Ha. Ha.

Last night I decided I really need to work on all of me to help improve my whole health...body, mind and spirit. So I will see how that goes!

I'm pretty well done with a mind that can produce such negativity for seemingly no reason at all! Watch out world...here I come! Ha. Ha.

Thanks TMB for a lovely chat! Hope you have a great day.

Cheers from Lauren

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Lauren,

I'm very glad your weekend away left you with some positives but it's a shame your husband can't be there for you in certain ways. I hope talking about it here at BB helps as well as with God.

Like your husband, I fall asleep frequently on the lounge and when my friend rings which she often does, late at night, I'm in a nonsensical state. I rave on about this and that and get told to go to bed! I usually refuse, a little indignant, but later I can see the funny side.

Thanks for your tales of fishing, I have 2 true stories for you.

1. My father and I were out fishing in a borrowed tinny one afternoon. We were fishing near some oyster racks, a favourite haunt of bream. Suddenly, Dad yelled out "I've got one!" and he began to reel it in. By his reactions, I knew it was something big!

A minute later, he lifted this mammoth flathead out of the water! Being at the opposite end of the boat meant that I couldn't assist with the net. Seconds later, the fish jerked its head and was gone! The one that got away!

2. Another time, in the same boat, we skirted a small island looking for a good spot to fish. Being windy, we dropped anchor. After a time we decided to move on. The only problem was that the anchor was stuck!

We tried different ways to unhook it but to no avail. Finally I took my shirt and jeans off and jumped overboard. Luckily, the anchor was caught on a rack not too deep so I was able to dislodge it.

Fishing tales eh? I'll have to try my luck in the future sometime.

Good luck with the holistic healing. It makes sense to approach your health that way. It's productive to look after your physical health, I think. I like to walk and am thinking about other physical activity. Perhaps going to the gym. And what about diet, that's very important too. Just a bit hard to get motivated when depressed.

I know what you mean when you talk about a mind producing such negativity for seemingly no reason. It happens to me too. I just grab that life preserver, the fact that I'm getting better (or hope I am!) and hang on and ride it out! I do find unwanted negative thoughts are very hard to handle though.

The weather here has been great lately, plenty of sunshine. It makes a good change from all the rain we have had. In fact, I think I might go for a walk.

Yes, I have a stack of movies to watch. I will think on your idea to mix them up a bit. lol

Hope your day is a good one for you!

Cheers

TMB

[Doolhof]

Hi TMB,

Here is a fishing story for you! I was net  fishing with a guy in a tinny. We were struggling big time trying to haul in the net so knew we had a whopping something in  there.

We weren't expecting what jumped into the tinny with us...a darn shark! As that thing was thrashing about, I was over the side and swimming for shore! Somehow the guy managed to get to shore also with that darn shark still thrashing about!

Here's another one for you. In the summer our area where I grew up used to attract a lot of tourists. Many liked to fish off the jetty. Sometimes us local kids would go to the jetty at night, swim underneath it and tug on the floats then listen to the tourists being so excited thinking they had a huge fish on their line! Ha. Ha.

Don't know that I would enjoy fishing so much these days as I feel too sorry for the fish being captured!

Hope you have some nice things planned for the day and the week to come.

My Dr. is still trying to get me in to see a psychiatrist so I can have abetter diagnosis to see what medication might work best. I really don't want to go back on medication if I can help it as the side effects are just too horrendous for me.

If I need to though I will.

Meanwhile I am trying all sorts of different tactics to try to help me get through the day.

Today it will be making a nice healthy vegetable soup, doing some art and craft stuff, writing to friends, pottering in the garden and going for a walk.

These ups and downs can be frustrating and annoying. I guess I just need to keep telling myself that depression is an illness like any other illness and there are ways of dealing with it.

It is when the really dark storm clouds come rolling over and you feel like you are trapped under them, that is when it is hard to see any light at all. But I remind myself there is still light there! Somewhere! I just need to look for it a little harder.

Speaking of light, the sun is shining outside so I will go out and enjoy some of that for a while!

Thinking of you and hoping you continue to grow stronger and more resilient in yor journey.

Cheers to you from Lauren

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Lauren,

I had to laugh at your shark escapade! You bolted for the shore, don't blame you. lol. And tricks under the jetty, so it was you! HaHa!

Once, I caught this big mysterious fish. I looked in my fishing book to identify it but couldn't find anything. So, I took it home with me. Feeling pretty proud I showed Dad who was none the wiser. Finally took it next door to Joe, the fisherman. Much to my disappointment, he said it was a rubbish fish, called an Old Boot!

Another time while fishing from a jetty at night, I was invaded by a school of unknown fish. The following night, with Dad with me, the same thing occurred. Dad almost caught one but our hooks etc weren't suitable. They quickly left and we never knew what they were and we never saw them again.

I know what you mean about feeling sorry for the fish, but if you want to eat?

Am still getting over my cold, so today will be pretty quiet. Computer, walk in the sun, The Voice on tv tonight, talking to a friend. During the week have to see my doc re: a 3 monthly check on a skin cancer removal. Also Qld v NSW rugby league on Wed night will be good. Am hoping to get into my screenplay studying too.

I can understand your dislike of medication especially due to bad side effects but maybe, if you see a psychiatrist he/she will have an answer! A lower dose or a different type or something. Could be worth a try.

I admire your coping strategies, all the activities you have planned. It's very positive! And what you are doing is making your depression manageable which is great! Yes, the dark storm clouds are to be avoided if possible. But as you say there is always light you just have to find it! I find with my illness that I have not a lot of "get up and go", a cloud is still over me somewhat but it is slowly clearing.

As you say, the sun is shining (and it's about time!) so I might venture out and get some rays and a little exercise.

Thanks for your well wishes, good luck with seeing the psychiatrist if that's what you decide to do, and best of luck with the new meds, if it goes that way.

Thanks a lot for your thoughts and friendship, a light piercing the clouds. Here's to cloud free days!

Cheers

from

TMB

[Doolhof]

Hi TMB,

It hasn't been the fish that have been biting lately but that nasty Black Dog of depression.

I was hoping to make it to my CFS training tonight but just couldn't get out the door to go. I think I might send out a text next week and ask if someone can pick me up, at least that way I will actually get there even if I don't participate much!

Today I did manage to catch up with an old client who wanted to see me again. I really couldn't be bothered but I know how important it was to her.

Seeing the smile on her face when I arrived at her home was worth it. I took her out for coffee and cake and a look in one of her favourite shops. 

She told me that she had a real surprise the other night in bed when her neighbour's cat came through her now deceased cat's door and jumped up on her bed and decided to stay there all night! How cute. Now she has the loan of a cat!

I'm still waiting to hear from the psych as to when I can get an appointment. I phoned a mental health nurse who has helped in the past but her earliest appointment is end of July. I will have to phone my Dr. again to see if he has nay idea what the hold up is with even getting an appointment.

My husband says he will phone around for me tomorrow and see what he can do.

In the mean time I am really trying with those positive thoughts and trying to plan my day in a way that I can obtain the most enjoyment from them.

Today I had a salad bar lunch in a hotel restaurant. There were three men sitting at a  table together and I entertained myself by wondering how they would have reacted if I had taken my plate of food over to their table and joined them!

My client this afternoon made me a nice cup of coffee and we sat and had a chat for a while so that was nice. His cat let me pat her so that was nice as well.

There are lovely little moments to have. I just need to look for them a little harder some days!

Thanks again for the chat. Hope you have been doing well the last couple of days.

Cheers for now from Lauren

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Lauren,

With the Black Dog snapping at your heels, I think it would be a great idea to ask for assistance to get to your CFS training. As you say, just attending would be good for you.

You are a kind soul. Even though you couldn't be bothered much about seeing an old client, a smile on her face made it all worthwhile! Nice!

You certainly gave her a good time and she was doubly lucky to have a feline visitor from next door! Me, I am fortunate enough to be having a female visitor today. My friend, who I haven't seen for 2 weeks, so am looking forward to that.

Oh before I forget, best of luck regards seeing your Psychiatrist. Hope it works out well for you. Your husband's assistance is a bonus. I saw my GP today just to check on a skin cancer he'd removed. He asked a few questions then asked do I get out much?! I imagine I didn't look too good or something.

He was spot on though with his comment so I will try to get out more than I have been. I thought staying home a lot would cause no problems but...I did manage to check out a bookstore the other day and saw a reasonable book on Film for $9. Will probably  get it tomorrow.

Your talk of positive thoughts has got me thinking the same! Think Positive! I hope you keep it up with your positive thinking but don't get too positive, you'll be inviting yourself to strange men's tables for lunch etc! lol. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad! lol.

The power of positive thinking. I know when I feel overwhelmed by negativity, I can use this tried and tested affirmation. I say to myself "I love and accept myself just the way I am" As I repeat it, it really does make a difference! I think of all the negative stuff people must endure and I think, wow just try a few affirmations...well, this one works most of the time for me anyway.

I agree, there are lovely moments happening during a day. Spotting them gets more difficult if you're not feeling too chipper. I had one yesterday afternoon when I said hello! to a neighbour I hadn't previously spoken to.

Thanks Lauren for enlightening me to these special moments.

Another time, a few weeks ago, I had a really enjoyable conversation with a taxi driver...On one other occasion I exchanged smiles and a joke with the young lady who'd just given me a rigorous massage. All pleasurable moments.

Anyway, I hope you are feeling better soon. So you can enjoy the moments, the minutes, the hours and the days.

All the best

Cheers for now

TMB

[Doolhof]

Hi TMB,

Arh. That blasted black dog went for the jugular over the weekend and again today. I freaked out a little at the Drs. today and she was ready to send me off to the hospital. I told her I couldn't possible go as I had a client waiting for me to help her clean the house and have a chat with her.

Seems the appointment with the psychiatrist has been a little messed up with two referrals going missing, the Psych's secretary telling me I didn't know what I was talking about and that she had not received any information about me or my mental health issues.

I was proactive over the weekend and down loaded about 20 pages of mental health questionaries, answered them and have posted them off to the psych. I dragged his name and address out of the medical centre staff so I could contact him myself. I've also left copies of this information for my usual G.P.

Saturday night at a CFS function I tried asking for help from some of the people there but was basically told that is life and get on with it. Okay. So not a lot of understanding or compassion happening there.

Today my dear friend of 30 years in Holland telephoned and talked for an hour asking how she could help me. She told me that if she was well enough to travel, she would be on the next plane out here to look after me. That meant the world to me.

Between clients, mini breakdowns, Dr appointments and tears, I saw a beautiful glimpse of the magnificence of nature today. It has been very stormy here with dark clouds. At one stage the sun came out and shone upon a hill with some trees on it.

The hill was the most amazing golden green you have ever seen with the dark trees glistening with the brightness of the sun. It was such a stunning image. It reminded me that no matter how dark life appears, the sun is always there.

I managed to make it to the pool this morning so that was another bonus. A dear older lady there was telling me of all her aches and pains, she just needed someone to off load to. She left the pool with a smile on her face so I hope I helped to make her day a little brighter.

Thanks for the idea of repeating positive affirmations. I know it helps, as does lots of other stuff...I just need to do them.

We have been enjoying watching "The Voice" tonight. There are so many talented people out there. It is a shame that not all of the people can be selected. At least the coachers give the people positive feedback.

cheers from Lauren

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Lauren,

Well, you have certainly been in the wars haven't you? The black dog becoming a wolf! And you nearly went to hospital but duty called. Please take care Lauren, look after yourself!

Wow, it's terrible when you get stuffed around by bureaucracy, you hang in there.

That was a great idea to fill out all those questionaires. What made you think to do that? Very proactive!

Am surprised by the lack of compassion for you at CFS. Thought they would've been more supporting. I feel for you as any rebuff from people may be acutely felt when you're down.

That's wonderful, you hearing from your friend in Holland. You spoke for an hour! and she would've come to see you if able. No wonder you felt good! I lived in Holland for 2 months back in 1982. I really liked the country, its people, the culture, everything! I had a bicycle to get around with and lived on a house-boat on one of the canals. A top place!

What a beautiful sight, the golden green  hill and the dark trees glistening. It sounds really special, am glad you saw it. The beauty of nature is to be found everywhere. I was telling someone on another post how soon a lot of animal life may be gone soon. Rhinos and tigers, orangutangs, gorillas, there's probably 100's or more facing extinction and it seems inevitable! I hope people intervene to stop it from happening.

You are a kind soul Lauren, thinking of others when you are ill yourself. I bet you made that older lady's day listening to her speak.

You'll get around to doing some of these self help things when you can, take your time.

I have been watching The Voice too. I really enjoy it. As you say the acts are of a high standard and the coaches give very positive feedback. Can you picture yourself up there singing? What would you sing? Me, I'd go for something loud but undoubtedly, my voice would crack and waver and be all over the place! lol.

I am going better, improving steadily, gradually returning to normal. My friend came down and spent the weekend just passed. We dined out at a Thai restaurant on Fri evening and again Sat lunchtime. On Sunday we went for a long walk and checked out a bookstore. I bought a book about Quentin Tarantino's movies, trying to get more insight into his methods and his success.

Well, I hope you have a marvelous day. Best of luck with all the hassles. I'll try to remember, the sun is always there. It certainly makes my day when I hear from you.

Cheers for now,

TMB

[Doolhof]

Hi TMB,

Hope you have had a good day and also hope you have some great things planned for the weekend.

Quentin Tarantino? Doesn't he create really gruesome over the top violent kind of films? Or maybe they just seem that way to me! Ha. Ha. I'm trying to think of the name of one of his films that we watched a while ago. That memory has disappeared like so many others. Ha. Ha.

I decided to print out and fill in all those questionnaires because the secretary at the psych's office said she had received no details about me at all. Well, now she has about 20 pages of details! I left the same info for my GP on Monday so hopefully by this Monday coming he will have had time to read it all and will have enough detail for a mental health plan.

Have you seen those clips where a dog is sitting on a cat? I have been feeling a little like that cat lately! Every now and then I have a bit of fight in me and bite that dog on the butt and it gets off for a while.

We had a bit more sunshine here today, so I sat down with the chooks for a while and let them have a roam about in the garden. Then I wandered around looking at all the different plants to see how they are growing. We moved here two years ago and some things are taking forever to grow.

Even geraniums are only 20 c.m. high and no they are not supposed to be of the small variety!

I'm kind of disappointed with my fellow members of the CFS. They talk about supporting each other, but for me I haven't found that to be the case. Maybe it doesn't help to be an out of Towner moving in.

Unfortunately it is the same with the Church I am a member of. Thanks to this down period with my depression I have not attended for about 3 or 4 weeks. As we have a congregation of only about 50 people, it is not easy to miss someone when they don't attend.

Last time I was at Church I had mentioned I was struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts but no one has called to see if I am still alive or dead. At least they would know if I was dead I guess, as my husband would probably contact them to help organise the funeral! Ha. Ha.

So I just plod on. Suck it all up and try to look out for myself.

Tomorrow is going to be a good day! I am going to try my hardest to make it that way!

Then it is the weekend. Hopefully I will get out for a walk in the bush, that will be relaxing.

Cheers from Lauren

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Lauren,

Just a really quick note to say hello and goodbye. I'm going away for the weeekend to a friend's place and will be back sometime Monday. Am anticipating having a good time despite the cold. brrrrr it's cold! is here anyway. I will reply to your post properly as soon as possible. Have a great weekend and hope your depression lifts soon. Keep that black dog at bay!

Bye for now

TMB