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How to help someone

Community Member

I am 45 and having been seeing someone 50 yes old. He ended our relationship yesterday saying he feels numb about anything.  Has always felt this way which is why his previous marriage didn't work.  He says nothing matters because he is 50 and the majority of his life is over.  He says he is not going to do anything stupid but wishes he was not here.  We have agreed to stay friends and I care for him very much and can see he needs help, he spoke about this but he was not too keen on the idea.  Please help as I don't want to overstep the mark and lose the friendship as well.

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome


It is so pleasant reading about your efforts to comfort this man with such challenges he has.


Relationships are complex and with this one it wouldnt surprise me that there is some other issues he has that led to his decision that you dont know about but is minimal compared to this overwhelming feeling of numbness. To present a negativity at 50yo when there is so much living to do is a real concern.


Furthermore and just as concerning "wished he wasnt here" is a major worry because as his mood comes and goes it could change and that is why Lifeline 131114 and Beyondblue 1300 224 636 24/7 is available.


I think there is a light at the end of the tunnel when and if he realises you are a "keeper" in that your friendship is so wonderful. To tread the fine line between friend and giving him the space he needs wont be easy. Subtle gifts, a letter with a quote in it that you wrote, some home made biscuits etc. When and if your relationship goes back to where it left off then you could introduce some out of the box ideas- attend motivation lectures, attend comedies, plays or movies. Stimulus can change his world. Hopefully you can persuade him to visit a GP.


I have two posts I'd like you to read below, the first page of each. 






The second one might be of interest for its links, that if you gave them to him it might well create interest.


I hope I've helped.