Worst case scenarios

[To_be_FREE]

HI there,

this is my first post but really wanted to ask if anyone else feels this way:

I have had anxiety and PTSD for a few years, and have done the whole meds, psych, hypnotherapy etc... but nothing really helps.

This last week my son has been having a lot of nosebleeds, and instead of thinking logical things I have convinced myself he has leukemia. Logically though I know the chances are ridiculously small but I have almost lost him a couple of times (he has special needs) and I just cant seem to control my imagination. I imagine all the amazing crazy wrong things that can happen in every scenario. So I have to wait up till 2am sometimes and exhausted because I cant go to sleep without thinking these terrible thoughts. I get so full of dread and just suffocate in bed. I have to get a really strong distraction. Usually loud netflix on my phone. Im just so over feeling such fear of everything. BUT then Im an emergency responder and when I get called out to a job Im fast, efficient and unphased. Its like my brain waits til it is idle before putting me through these scenarios.

And quite frankly nothing has worked and my doctor told me this is just something I will have to live with. And I am so sick of it. I just want to sleep and not think Im going to lose my children or die all the time. I feel like Im wasting my life away 😞

Any advice would be appreciated:

Thank you and all the best to you all 🙂

[geoff]

hello, I'm so sorry that you are struggling like this, because it's uses up so much energy so you become exhausted, but you can't sleep as too much is going through your mind.
I can't say how sorry I feel for your son, because we wonder why anything like this should ever happen, I wish I could give you a reason, but I can't, and that's the sad part.
Being in a job like this means that you are only thinking about what needs to be done, so your mind is taken away from your own personal issues.
Can you google 'intrusive thoughts' as there is a huge amount of people who have written into this particular topic, and see how you feel after reading some of them, and then get back to us. Geoff.x

[blondguy]

Hello To Be Free

Welcome and thanks for posting too!

Geoff has sound advice especially about the mental energy you would be consuming as a result of your struggle

Im am sorry for what your son is going through too.

The intrusive thoughts and associated poor sleep would be a major trigger to restart even more intrusive thoughts over and over again. Ive had ongoing therapy since 1983 for acute anxiety and depression and A 'tired' mind (or mentally exhausted one) will enable our minds to have unwanted thoughts.

Its similar to a car with worn out steering.......we have to keep trying to correct the car 'wondering' all over the place to stay on track. It would be exhausting.

I notice that you have tried everything including meds. My intrusive thoughts knocked me around like yourself in the '80s and '90s until a switched on GP had me take a small dose benzo everynight to slow down my 'tired' mind.

My job performance increased not to mention the sleep improving so much my mind was no longer exhausted.

Thats just my experience of course.

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Croix]

Dear To be Free~

I can relate, was a policeman invalided out with PTSD, Depression, Chronic Anxiety. Sleep was up until a couple of years ago a major hassle - used to dread going to bed.

While Geoff and Paul have given you good advice on the whole scene, intrusive thoughts in particular, I'll just add a little about the sleep aspect from my own experience.

Years ago I was taught how to relax, you know the sort of thing, toes first then feet .. etc.

Years ago I was taught how to imagine myself in a place I enjoyed (for me it was a grassy seaside cliff near where I grew up.)

Neither was the least bit of use outside the consultation room when it came to intrusive thoughts at night time.

Then my psychiatrist put me on an ultra-low dose medication that was just enough to allow me to practice both of those techniques when I went to bed - with a fair degree of success. I no longer dread going to bed. Not always effective but a lot better than before.

As you may know there is a fair amount of information on Sleep Hygiene, such has the bb Staying Well pamphlet:

http://resources.beyondblue.org.au/prism/file?token=BL/1178

and Sleep Disorders Australia:

https://www.sleepoz.org.au/files/fact_sheets/AT09%20-%20Sleep%20Hygiene.pdf

I found that when rested my tendency to think the very worst was more controllable than it had been before -again no magic cure, but a step.

I have to say this, though probably not helpful in the circumstances, that my current state is due in no small part to leading a reduced stress lifestyle - I could not have successfully gone back to my old occupation. Emergency Responder -um.

Please feel very free to post again as often as you'd like, also do have a browse of others' experiences in our Anxiety section.

Best wishes

Croix

[To_be_FREE]

Hi geoff,

It is so so exhausting! Some days I just want to crumple onto the floor! I did google intrusive thoughts. Thanks for that. They recommend you let the thoughts come and go and dont fight it. Ive always fought it and scared to let them develop by themselves cause I usually land up in tears. I will try this though 🙂

Thank you so much for your reply

Dee

[To_be_FREE]

Hi Croix,

thank you for the resources, they have been very interesting. I need to find a way to do exercise that I enjoy. I really dont like working out 🙂

Im in a position where I am up several times to my son and its starting to take its toll 😞

Thank you for your kind words

Dee