Workplace Anxiety

[Quintus]

Hello everyone.

Just wanted to put this out there before I change my mind. I’ve been affected by anxiety for a long time, very long.

I normally don’t mind, even though it makes me a completely reserved person. Very private. I don’t talk to anyone, haven’t had a meaningful relationship in years, I don’t celebrate Christmas, birthdays, etc. I have learnt to accept it – and live like this.

The problem that I have however is that at work, I have to deal with these scenarios and it’s getting me in trouble. I can’t do social outings, I don’t do team bonding events and management have now presented me with a letter warning me that my job is in jeopardy if I don’t start abiding by these values. I am praised for the work that I do “they couldn’t be happier” – however my values/team interest is not aligned apparently. Regardless of how I bad feel in these situations (sweaty, shy, embarrassed, uncomfortable, mocked, stared at, etc etc) I try to attend – but I just can’t do it on some of these, I’m getting to the point of tears when I’m even questioned about it. I keep telling management “I’m just uncomfortable in these situations”, but they keep insisting that’s not good enough of an excuse.

Again just to be clear, I don’t blame my work or managers. It’s my burden to bare, not theirs.

So I guess what I’m trying to ask is:
Would anyone know how I go about fixing these things?
Or at least how do I communicate that it’s “Me” not them – so they don’t take offence ?

I don’t mean to be but I guess I give that impression.
Any help would be appreciated.

Thank you all.

[MarkJT]

Quintus, firstly, welcome to the forums. it is fantastic that you have found it and have posted.

Can I ask if your bosses are aware of your anxiety? You have said that you have told them that you are uncomfortable but it reads that they are not actually aware of what uncomfortable means, i.e. anxiety.

Where you say that it is your burden to bare and not theirs, I'm not a believer in that.

I am a firm believer that if you walked in with a broken leg, you would be looked after and there should be no difference if you told them that you have anxiety. Not saying that they cancel the events all together but make sure that you are felt as comfortable as can be at an event or if you cannot go, then that is fine.

This does not make you any less of a team mate at all, it is just the team looking after you.

If they do not know, i would recommend that you sit down with one and talk about why you cannot go to the events or why when you are at the events, you do not like them.

Mark.

[Quintus]

I appreciate the reply Mark, thank you.

It isn't something I talk about with people. In fact, I can't recall ever talking about it with anyone. (praising internet anonymity) 🙂

The work that I do, and the support I give my team is without fault, no issues at all. I have been given all types of praises/bonuses and commendations for the actual work that I deliver. I'd even go as far as to say that when I need to present or talk about the actual work, I'm ok. I don't seem to get affected by anxiety.

It's only in social situations, or in 'team building' courses that everything falls apart - when I have to talk about myself, or others, or the way I think or what I think or things like that - something breaks, and I guess that's why they take it personally - because I seem to be ok when it comes to one thing, but not ok to attend a Christmas party - or more recently how offended they were that I didn't want to celebrate my own birthday at all (just the thought of going to the kitchen and having everyone around me freaked me out so much).

I have always mentioned it to work that I am uncomfortable in these situations, it was only after I received warning of been terminated that I replied back to management with "i'll try to suffer my anxiety of public speaking/being the center of attention and social situations - and try to attend"

So that's where I'm at right now, and I've already drafted up a resignation email.

I can't get it out of my head that even if I manage to get past this course somehow, without turning into a pile of sweat - they'll just be another one soon that I can't handle. Maybe I've just run my course at this place.

I don't know.

Either way, I do appreciate the reply thank you. 🙂

[MarkJT]

Quintus, that is bizarre that your management threaten your employment all because you don't want to partake in those exercises despite you clearly doing exceptional work.

I am with you being the center of attention though as I can openly speak about my mental health journey in front of hundreds of people without breaking a sweat but don't like being surrounded by people singing happy birthday. Strange but that is life!

I would well recommend that you get to the GP and have a chat about this. I know you said that you do not talk about it outside of internet anonymity but i feel you need to get some help with this. It would be a massive shame to not be working where you are because of it.

So many people live with anxiety each and every day so you can to, you just need to get some treatment from the experts. This also may involve a referral to a psych and that is okay. They are the experts in the area so let them help you.

Mark.

[Quintus]

Well I don't know if it's threatening or not, but that's the way I read it. "...If you refuse to participate in STP, we will need to consider whether further disciplinary action is required. This might amount to termination..."

Again I don't really hold them responsible, if it's the way forward for the business then that's what needs to be done.

So I'm left now needing to arrange myself into one of these courses and it was SOOOOOO much easier to draft up a resignation email than to take the first steps towards this course. As I walk past people who are doing it now, they're all in meeting rooms, presenting in front of each other, getting recorded on camera, it actually gets my heart racing just typing it up now knowing I'll have to do that.

I really don't think I can get this one done, anyways apologies for wasting your time - and I thank you for your feedback Mark. Much appreciated. 🙂

[MarkJT]

Quintus, you are most certainly not wasting my time - absolutely not. I am more than happy to offer any assistance i can to your situation.

I think it is really poor form of the management but my thoughts are not going to change the situation.

Two things that i want you to do:

1) See the GP and discuss this, and

2) Start to practice mindfulness. This will help you with your anxiety. There is a great app called, "Smiling Mind", please download it and start to practice it. It works, believe me and it is no fad. It is a type of meditation and certainly helps me control my anxiety.

The most important thing is to see the GP.

You can get this under control and retain your job. It will be hard work but you can do it.

Mark.