Social Anxiety

[Spearmint]

Hi,

Late last year was very rough with the death of my brother and then my
boyfriend left me (6 year relationship) a month later. It left me
completely broken and devastated. I've made a lot of hard earned
progress but I'm still not 100%.
I have to find employment but am struggling with bad social anxiety
which is really holding me back.

I also have this fear that if I get a job interview and the employer
asks why I haven't been working or what I've been doing since my last
job, I really don't want to talk about the fact that I was a huge
mess because my life fell apart, I don't know what to say to fill in
my unemployment gap?

Any advice on how I could handle that kind of question and if anyone has
solutions or helpful advice on dealing with social anxiety would be
great and much appreciated.

Thanks

[blondguy]

Hi Spearmint

You have some great posts on the forums and thanks for being here!

Im verysorry for the loss of your brother and your relationship as well. You are and have been through a really dark phase. I hope we can be even a small help to you

I used to have chronic anxiety for years and its bad news, I understand where you are coming from

You have a point about employers wanting to know about the gaps and thats understandable

Whether its social anxiety or anxiety attacks in general the first priority is to see your GP. I still see mine about managing my depression and getting a 'tune up' after 21 years.

The GP's do have much better training about anxiety than even a few years ago.....You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by making a double appointment and really let her/him know what you have spoken about tonight

This is a crucial step so you can rebuild your confidence and self esteem where social anxiety is concerned

In the meantime the gap in your employment can be explained by you caring for a relative which the employer would understand is a priority in your life. Any decent employer will not query this reason.

Its only humble opinion Spearmint but your health is paramount here......even if you have to take the extra time to see your GP and sort out all the pain you have been going through it would be the right decision.

I have been involved in the private sector as a senior manager for years and have done many interviews. If an applicant said they were caring for a relative, I wouldnt even ask for any detail.

At this moment, you have been through so much I really hope you can put your health first and find some peace before any interviews

Happy to have you on the forums Spearmint

Please let us know your thoughts 🙂

my kindest

Paul

[Spearmint]

Hi Paul,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response and kind words. Muchly appreciated.

I've always had some social anxiety here and there but I feel as though now it's kind of crippling in a way. Even though I feel apprehensive about finding work and facing the world again, I think it will be the best thing for me in order to move forward. It's the initial hump that I'm really struggling with, putting myself out there and going through interviews, getting to know knew work mates, new environment etc. I generally have worked in hospitality so dealing with people is unavoidable. I think the main part of my problem is that I've had a fairly big drop in confidence which is why it has become quite bad.

I like your idea about caring for a relative, although I really hope they wouldn't ask any more questions. I hate lying and i'm terrible at it haha.

I had a problem with anxiety in general a few years back and had 9 sessions with a psychologist but I got almost nothing out of it.

As my confidence increased my anxiety decreased so I think that is the center of the problem and what needs to be taken care of. It's just getting started and taking the first steps that feel so hard and fills me with fear.

Thanks again 🙂

[blondguy]

Hey Spearmint

Thanks for posting back 🙂

I understand what you said about needing to jump that first hurdle which will then decrease your anxiety. Thats a healthy and proactive mindset...Nice1

Employers can sometimes be a pain in the rump. If we tell the truth we can end up continually out of work. I just dont see the point.

I dont think its lying when you mention 'caring for a person/relative' as you arent hurting anyone's feelings at all

Job hunting can sometimes be so competitive you need all the ammo you can get. Ive had to stretch out previous jobs on my resume for ages to ensure I won the job through having 'anxiety' time periods off as well

I hope you can let us know how you go Spearmint.

you have a great attitude

my kindest

Paul