Missing another friend's birthday :(

[_PerthGirl_]

I feel so guilty that yet again I'm wimping out of going to a friend's birthday celebrations. I felt so sick earlier and I realised I do just about every Saturday - its too much of a coincidence to get an upset stomach each and every time I'm supposed to be getting dolled up and heading out. I dawdled getting ready hovering between hoping I would either feel so much worse that the decision would be made for me and I would be able to honestly say I was too ill to go or hoping I could feel better and care free and just get on with it and go. Well its hardly worth going now I'm already two hours late!!!

[geoff]

hello PerthGirl, this is something that a lot of us suffer from, me including, social anxiety, and yes it will stop you from going to any social function, but before this event will happen you can say 'yes I'll be there' but as the time approaches closer to the time when it's going to happen then you get the panic and anxiety attacks which will affect you in many different ways, until finally you just can't go.
Please believe me you're not wimping out it's part of this illness that has formed over the years and for maybe some specific reason, which you may know or it could be something that has crept up on you.
It's a fear of being judged possibly in a negative way which could lead to being embarrassed and feel humiliated or asked what are you doing now and why, so it's a situation which you try and avoid, however you may feel as though it maybe irrational, but knowing is not the same as believing and feeling what you think.
Your feelings are about being self-consciousness and it is very real and for treatment from a psychologist giving you CBT may help you as long as they understand your problem, but it's certainly something for you to think about.
Please don't punish yourself, no one should be blamed for having any mental illness. Geoff.

[Starwolf]

Hello *Perth Girl*, good to meet you.

I'm grateful Geoff has reminded you that social anxiety is something happening to you...not caused by you. Social isolation is bad enough without adding misdirected blame to it. You are not at fault.

All you can do is take small steps towards getting out and about. Birthday celebrations can be big, daunting occasions, involving mingling with many people. No wonder it made you feel apprehensive...Perhaps gradually stepping out of your comfort zone would help. First not going far from home, in situations where other people come and go without much direct interaction. Then slowly progress from there but only as much and as far as you feel comfortable with. Only set yourself attainable goals and don't neglect to pat yourself on the back for any small victory achieved.

Daily practice of coping strategies like relaxed breathing and mindfulness does help. I suggest you check out the Smiling Mind app. It helps many anxiety sufferers regain some measure of calm.

Kindest thoughts.

[Slipstream_SS]

Hi Perth Girl........

I too suffer from a social anxiety, though mine is more of a Phobia. Mine stops me doing certain things in life, but luckily ive been able to control most situations through the use of Beta Blockers which calm me down, though there are still things that scare me that i wont even try at the moment. Its easy to say, just go dont be scared, well we all know its not that easy.

Im in a similar situation as you are, ive made a consious decision to get out there more this year, My life revolves around, work, gym,home. Like you i get invites that i know back as well, not because im scared more becasue ive become so used to my comfort zone, that sometimes i just cant be bothered. Like i say its just taking that first step, and i just say to myself i cant stay home forever.

Good luck Perth Girl

By the way im from Perth too, what a place to live.

Slipstream ss