Work Anxiety - Looking For Some Tips

Diaman94 · ‎24-12-2021

Hello everyone. I have lived with anxiety and depression I guess most of my life. I have never been to a therapist but hoping to in the new year. I an trying to save some money so in the mean time I was wondering if anyone had any tips. I'll explain my situation a bit more. I am having a lot of trouble speaking and interacting with co-workers. The most I can say is hello, sorry (if I am in the way), or yes and no if more than 2 or 3 in a room. I seem fine or at least I feel it is easier one on one. Or 2. (I know I need to try and speak to strangers more and I can out at shops but it's different at work. I can't even speak to family members I haven't seen in years) I am very aware that everyone there is irritated by me and have heard comments as I enter or leave rooms. (I have been snapped at for not speaking up like an adult should). I usually don't talk much in general anyway and have always been a quiet guy, and got a bit of harassment from people over the years for it. I don't want to blame anyone for my issues as I know I am the only one who can fix this. I have been told by many people that I should leave people alone, don't talk to them, (especially women), as I am a bother to them, make them uncomfortable or people aren't interested in what I have to say, I guess nowadays I unintentionally tell myself that over and over in my head. I do seem to ruminate a lot over little things when at work, if I am snapped at or make a little mistake. I constantly feel I am in others way or bothering them. Doesn't really help I know how they feel about me. Sometimes I can just stop caring what they think and I'll just go about my day doing my job and not talking and get through the day. I do catch myself playing scenes in my head of incidents and how I could make them better or how they could be worse. I wouldn't say this is a problem as I can usually stop myself but it becomes a bit more frequent if I have a bad day at work. Anyway, that is all for now.

white knight · ‎24-12-2021

Hi, great seeing you post again

I know therapy will work for you if you have low expectations of the end result because as humans we cant and should not expect too much alteration to our personality.

I've had 90 jobs and 15 professions now retired. I've ended up with 2 friends out of all of that. So I wouldnt try to be too socialising with work mates. After all you go there to earn money not to make friends.

There is a strong element of negativity I think you can work on. I had this until 26yo when I attended a lecture on motivation. Read the first post-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life

You can accept yourself more.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/accepting-yourself-the-frog-and...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/changing-your-nature

"I have been told by many people that I should leave people alone, don't talk to them, (especially women), as I am a bother to them" Well that is unacceptable because we are no less important and our opinions and rights no less valuable as the President or the Prime Ministers.

You havent mentioned if you have any hobbies, sports, special interests. Better to fill your spare time with these as they will help you focus on that instead of workplace toxicity.

"Doesn't really help I know how they feel about me" You'll never satisfy all the people all the time.

" I constantly feel I am in others way or bothering them." A therapist once told me about this- "put those rock in a bag and throw them in the river"

also

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/worry-worry-worry

But the most powerful person on the planet to make you feel confident is you

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/the-best-praise-you'll-ever-get

That will take some time but you will feel great once you become positive and put aside the toxic destructive people you come into contact with. Again read the first post of these, the Fortress of survival series just read the first post. It's about filtering the bad people out of your life.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/fortress-of-s...

Repost anytime

TonyWK

On The Road · ‎25-12-2021

Hi, Diaman94

I'm sorry that you have to suffer from this and the ppl surrounding you seem couldn't support you. I think it is hurt that people told you that you were a bother or anything like that and now it has internalised into your own thoughts. 😞 But do you think the "your problem" can be actually imposed by others? I mean hey, why being quiet is a bother? Not everyone wanna be on the talk show or campaign to be the PM 🙂

I'm also not talkative in front of people, especially I can't even speak English very well. and I'm oversensitive and many times I felt awkward and anxious and just wish I could never see the same people again. But I like being a quiet and shy person, it is my thing.

I agree with white knight's post and he provided great perspective and useful links. Good luck!

Diaman94 · ‎26-12-2021

Thanks for the advice White Knight and On the Road!
"After all you go there to earn money not make friends" This is something else that's been said to me a lot and it kinda plays in my head. I do think this way but I also worry that if my co-workers found out it could make things worse. I don't usually care what people think of me, but recently someone said that "a murderer who accepts who they are is still a bad person even if they love themselves". Although I am not a murderer and it's a bit over the top, the point is still there. Like I worry if I keep offending people at work, even if I am not intending to, that still makes me part of the problem.

Thanks for the links White Knight. I have read the first one and will read more later today. Been busy with Christmas stuff. I didn't mention my hobbies or other life interests because this issue seems to only bother me at work, or sometimes the night before work if I have an early start like 6am. I find once I get through the work day I am fine and stop stressing, unless something really upsets me. I don't have any friends I can hang out with and don't get along great with my family so I use my hobbies as time to recharge and just let myself be me.

"that people have told you are a bother and now it has internalized" - On The Road

That is a good way of putting it. It's not all bad as my family did teach me some good stuff and it helps me through my day. I just have to learn to stop information from playing up in my head that doesn't really help me but somedays that is easier said than done. I also do enjoy being a quiet person. I've always hated the spotlight being on me.

Thanks everyone!

Sophia16 · ‎26-12-2021

Hi,

It looks like you are going through a tough time. I am sorry for what you are going through.

Anxiety is so tough. It can take over you. I struggle with social anxiety and it is really hard.

My advice is to try and not let others get to you. Remember this is your life and you are the main character. You control your life, not anyone else.

Start off by having small conversations with strangers to help you build up your confidence. Nothing works straight away. Take your time.

Stay safe and I am here to chat if you need me.

white knight · ‎27-12-2021

Hi

Yeh, no expectations nor obligations here. Reply as you feel.

Hope you enjoyed Xmas

TonyWK

Diaman94 · ‎27-12-2021

Hi Sophia16! Thanks for your kind words.

That's the thing. If I need to talk to a stranger, like ask if they are waiting in line, or excuse myself to get past I can do it. Sometimes it still stresses me but it isn't as bad as when I am at work. I am pretty sure I subconsciously think things at work are a lot worse so I have to try and show myself things aren't as bad.

Someone once said "Confidence isn't trying to make everyone like you, it's not caring if they don't".

Stay safe as well

white knight · ‎28-12-2021

Hi again

For what its worth mental health issues or self esteem/confidence issues often need radical or "out of the box" remedies.

In your case I'm guessing a change of workplace might be an answer. Different workplaces have very different chemistry with work colleagues and some places I've worked has been like family, others total enemies but a few very easy to communicate with as they have some special people that have a knack of making communication easy.

A caring environment might be the goal?

TonyWK

Diaman94 · ‎30-12-2021

Thanks. Yeah, that is the same solution I came to as well. Trying to find another job currently. It just gets me down as it took a long time to find this one and I just can't quit at the moment.

I am trying some out of the box thinking and techniques for the time being just to cope until I can get some professional help or at the very least a change of situations.

Thanks again for the advice!