Please Help

[Fugazi1]

Hi,

My story short:

Since i was a Teenager i always had existential questions about life itself and the universe etc. Offcourse there never was an answer to this questions and they made me feel anxious more and more until one day about 10 years ago it shifted into some brainfog/detached state. Afwfull !

Then my PsyDoc put me on medication to kill my underlying anxiety issues to eleviate the detachment. It worked wonders…
I had my life back !!

Fast forward to 2021:

4 weeks ago my mom who i Truly loved passed away. She choosed the euthanasia route cause she was ill for a long time.
The weeks before this date i become more and more stressed and anxious cause losing my mom was now really a fact.
We all were there around her bed when she slept in. For me it was like a horror scene. My mind collapsed in the hours and days aferwards… the first hour i cried but then my mind shifted to fear.
Fear of death in particular. Not like some moments of fear but really obsessed about my own death and the sense of life. 24/7 a day. I can not stop it. Impossible. It drives me completely insane !!

I really need advice…

My questions are..

Is this trauma ? Shock? Anxiety? OCD?
What can i do. Death is a fact of life but life is unliveable when i have to think about it all day long.

Please help. Thanks

[Sophie_M]

Hey Fugazi,
Im so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, thats never easy at the best of times let alone in this way. When someone we love so much passes away we start to question our own mortality and become frieghtened about what all that means.
Im glad you reached out today as its hard to deal with grief let being alone with it and suffering from anxiety and rumeniating about it. We hope our community can reach out and help you to feel less alone as what your feeling is not uncommon and for some part of the grief process.

I would encourage to reach out to one of our professional counsellors on
Lifeline 13 11 14
Beyondblue Support Service 1300 22 4636
Griefline which is open from 6am to 12am  7 days a week.

[jtjt_4862]

Heya Fugazi1

A warm welcome to the forums, we're really glad to have you here. My deepest condolences to you and your family, I can't imagine the pain that you're going through right now... I hope you'll be able to treat yourself with kindness, and allow yourself to grieve your loss.

Here to listen to you more if you'd like to have a chat, Fugazi1 (particularly interested to hear about your fears if you're open to chat about it).

Jt

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Fugazi,

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums...

I am so sorry about your beautiful mother passing, my deepest and sincere condolences...

Loosing someone we truely love is so very hard to accept and manage, all sorts of emotions come to the surface and join in with the grief we are feeling....

Would reaching out to your PsyDoc about the thoughts your having be something that you would consider?..or the contacts our lovely Sophie has given you...

Talk here anytime you feel up to it..We are here for you dear Fugazi

Kind thoughts, with care.

Grandy,,

[Greeny089]

Hi Fugazi1,

im sorry to hear what you’re going through. In 2017 I had my first episode and that’s when I got diagnosed with anxiety. I was so worried about my health and dying that I just wanted to die which made absolutely no sense at all. I am on medication for my anxiety but it doesn’t stop me from obsessing over my health, I think it just takes the edge off a little.

ive started to feel a new dread come over me and I’m 98% sure it’s just in my head but I can’t stop obsessing over it.

I don’t make a lot of sense when I’m trying to talk about this kind of stuff but I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone with what you’re going through.

half the battle is realising it’s your mind playing tricks on you, the other half is trying to figure out how to stop it.

all the best for the new year mate,

I’ll be here is you ever want a chat.

[BB9]

I’m so sorry about your loss. Reading your post had me feeling all the emotions-I hope you are starting to travel better.
Anxiety/stress/trauma play such a huge impact on our mental, psychological and physical well-being. Be kind to yourself, stay in touch and I hope you see an improvement soon. 🥰